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Is possible to abuse someone to the point they do nothing?

I posted a few questions already which talks about what I do. Basically physically and mentally abuse my husband. If he does anything nice later I end up screaming or hitting him. If we go on a vacation I will end up screaming and hitting him. If he looks another girl or goes anywhere near a girl i scream and hit him. Now he doesnt want to do anything. He use to do a lot for me before though and he use to be in graduate school doing really well. No he dropped out, plays xbox, and sleeps all the time. He says that he has just given up and it doesnt matter what he does I will just end up abusing him. I think he is just lazy though and doesnt want to do anything with his life. Is it really possible to abuse someone to the point they do nothing? Or is he just making excuses?

Posted 7 months ago

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DrPhillip

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Hello,
First off, you need to see a therapist as soon as possible. There is no question on this it is a must. From earlier post you stated that you had a history of this. I am sure that your anger problems played a role in the end of those relationships as well. You will not be able to have a lasting relationship as long as you have these problems. This current relationship is extremely damaged I am not sure if you can salvage it. You might just need to start over with the help of a therapist.

Next, you need to have your husband go to a therapist. Sorry to say this but this therapist is going to tell your husband to leave you. This is a very unhealthy relationship. Your husband is showing all the signs of trauma. You have traumatized your husband and he is likely in a terrible depression. The obvious signs you noted is lack in interest of previous goals, sleeping disorders, and escaping. Does he have other symptoms like nightmares, irrational behavior, crying, increasing anger, weight loss or weight gain, staying inside, etc basically has he been changing? I would bet he has been. Look up symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder along with depression. He might be putting up with this because he was abused prior to this maybe as a child. If this is the case it is even worst because now you are adding onto and bringing back previous traumatic experiences. To sum it up you are destroying this man mentally and physically.

On the other hand you seem to realize you are doing wrong. This is great because a lot of abusers believe it isnt there fault. In fact they blame the victim for what is happening. Then they justify themselves by saying well in the future it will change. Or if that person hadnt done this or if this person does this I wouldnt of or wont yell or hurt them. The truth is that you are an abuser. You will hurt those around you no matter what happens or what they do. This is why you need to get help as soon as possible.

Posted 7 months ago

Other 15 Answers to Is possible to abuse someone to the point they do nothing?

atasteforsufferin g	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 1:42AM like i said before YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP just because your a woman does not make it alright to abuse your spouse, abuse is abuse stop NOW! and you have been reported Rated: +6Vote for this!
intuitivenh	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 2:55AM I answered another of your posts already. I'm not a Baptist, not even a Christian, so I'm not here to try to make you feel guilty about anything. I have been in a similar position as your husband - I'm actually very well educated. But, through a chain of events, have been abused by more than one woman. I thought that after I grew up and wasn't being abused by my parents, that I was "liberated", and would never be abused again. Sadly, this isn't the case. The people who say your husband is lazy, from what all you've described, seem to actually not know very much about abuse or depression, and, in my humble opinion, are fullasheet (FOS)! Anger management classes are behavior therapy - that's great. But, what if you have hormonal issues, chemical issues, or some sort of cancer causing the behavior? No, I'm not saying that you have any of these. But, as I understand things, these are "possibilities" that need to be considered and perhaps ruled-out. You probably do need some medications, so that you can chill some, while you're working on the behavior therapy side of things. To me, telling a person who owns up to explosive, abusive seeming tendencies to just go to "anger management class", is like telling a homeless person who's hungry to "just go to a cooking class, then you will be able to eat" - that just won't cut it! Good luck - make sure your husband feels like he doesn't have a 1" penis anymore! Intuitive in NH Rated: +5Vote for this!
beammeupscotty	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 2:55AM Yes it is. Do you really need to ask?? Far out you have probably sucked the life out of him with your physical and mental abuse. Rated: +4Vote for this!
unicorn59	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 2:55AM You are not very old....and I am assuming your husband is in your age group... If you really abuse this man....and he's "giving up"....then, you are breaking his spirit, and personally, I think you should just leave him....It would be a lot less cruel, than what you are putting him through right now.... He's in a depression....You won't get a man to step up and be a man, if you are treating him like a dog....If you want more from him, invest more into him....compliment him....if you love him, tell him so (if you don't....move out).... I have a problem with the fact that you keep posting the same issue, talking about the things you do, but I don't hear any remorse from you....very concerning...Do you feel bad? Or are you just identifying your behavior? Yes, you CAN abuse someone to the point where they do nothing....just like you're doing.... Rated: +4Vote for this!
shazzbott	Posted Jul 20th, 2009 at 3:03AM Quit seeking justification for you actions and stop abusing your husband! YES he has the right to keep you from your friend, ITS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD From what I've read your a ******** who associates with prostitutes and that's fine. But your husband has a right to protect you from poor decisions and all you do in return is beat him. Im suprised he hasn't slapped you down yet. GET HELP NOW. Rated: +4Vote for this!
anomaly3	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 1:43AM I think you need help and you are very very lucky that he is not the kind to hit back. Rated: +3Vote for this!
thornyasarose	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 8:21AM Hmmm...... Let's see....let's take a quick peek back through time....oh my,yes, I see many historical events in which people were beaten down until they just "did nothing". Some even did nothing to the point of,dare I say it? DEATH. But some also "did nothing" until....REVOLT. Either way, there were no real winners The price of human life always figured into the equation. You know, obviously this is VERY complex. BOTH of you need wise counsel and intensive evaluation and intervention. Both of you are wounded individuals and for some reason you are clinging onto each other (well,probably clinging onto each other for dear life because neither of you knows what to do) One of you has got to take that first baby step. A simple. Starting Place you could choose would be at your yearly GYN appointment (schedule it now). A trusted clergyman, if you have one. Human Resources at work. Wouldn't it be nice one night, when you lay your head on your pillow, to be able to say, "wow,today I was a very well-behaved,charming,and beautiful young lady in each and every encounter I had with another living creature"???? You can have that night, each night for the rest of your life, IF you REALLY want it. Make it happen, before it's too late and one of you finds themself waking up each morning in a maximum security prison and the other one of you finds themself never waking up again. Rated: +2Vote for this!
Tuva	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 1:44AM "He says that he has just given up and it doesn't matter what he does I will just end up abusing him". Well, he just told you himself the answer to your question. I would really suggest getting some kind of counseling or professional help before you snap and go overboard...or before he snaps. Rated: +2Vote for this!
CTPickens	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 1:44AM Ask yourself why you are yelling at him. Why does it take abuse to communicate with someone. If you want a straight answer the answer is yes, but not everyone is the same. You need to answer some questions for yourself, not for other people. Find out who the real you is and ask yourself if this is the person you want people to really know. Rated: +2Vote for this!
khalidAmeen	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 1:44AM Simply keep your self in his shoes then think if he hits or abuse you then will you enjoy life or love him. You break his heart many times, try to consider him your man that you have to care about his everything, health, food, peace of mind and please trust on him, mitigate your doubts because doubts kill the relationships. Simple advice is just love him ignoring his all bad habits. Love can turn him in your favor for ever, and say him sorry for everything he felt bad about. Rated: +2Vote for this!
keiffers	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 3:26AM Would you stay with him if he did this to you? Keep talking to us and maybe your friends can help. Rated: +2Vote for this!
Yohanna	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 1:49AM Yes, it is. He is either depressed or you have just completely broken his spirit. The mental wounds that you have left on him will probably outweigh any physical harm you have done - and they take longer to heal. It is not okay to hit someone. Please seek professional help. Rated: +1Vote for this!
carmm	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 5:26AM Good one Kowan Listen Get his butt up on here and let him type away and do your husband a big favor. Leave him!! Go move in with your girlfriend. Maybe you both can have a hooker company. And just maybe your husband can recovery and meet a good woman!! Rated: +1Vote for this!
enna30	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 3:25AM Were you abused as a child? I am wondering where you learnt this pattern of abusive behaviour . . . ? Did one of your parents abuse the other? Although your behaviour is completely unacceptable, it is also a sign that you have learnt this behaviour at some point in your early life. Please take the wise advice of other posters to get help immediately. You and your husband both need to see therapists (separately) and receive treatment for your individual problems. Rated: +1Vote for this!
kowen	Posted Jul 5th, 2009 at 3:45AM I get the feeling that all is not right on your posts,and that there may be a bit of make believe that you and your friends are dreaming up to put a bit of excitement in our lives here. Correct me if I'm wrong. Rated: +1Vote for this!

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