I know this is a bit late, but have you tried http://www.spankingpersonalads.com
It's not exactly a dating site, but it is a way to meet people in your area with the same interest and you can use it as a sort of "dating" site. Just state what you want.
Fetlife is not a dating site, but a good way to find likeminded souls...
My site is not a dating site but you can message other members www.domesticdisciplineuk.ning.com