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When a very good friend who used to exchange emails with you 5 times a week, who told you about everything in his life, who solved all of your emotional problems, who you came to love as the kid brother you never had, suddenly writes at the most once a week only and no longer care about you but mostly talks about himself, because his job situation turned so bad he's "so busy and miserable not even have enough time for a smoke break", and no matter how much love and support you are trying to show him you feel he's just slipping away, is your friendship nearing its end or you are just being too needy? And what if all of a sudden, he starts "disappearing" from time to time, going on 2-5 weeks long trips without even letting you know about it, without ever contacting you and you have to search for him, and when he comes back his excuses always are: "I was in a bad mood, work sucks, life sucks, need to go away find myself", and you are reacting badly to it, are you over-reacting? Thanks.
yellowiris4 yellowiris4 36-40, F 12 Answers Nov 22, 2012 in Parenting & Family

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People grow up and change and when you're younger you have a lot more time to air out your feelings and hang around talking with other people, but life starts picking up responsibility and some people handle it well and others do not. You probably have to accept that he's a changed person or move on.

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Is this a real relationship as in have you ever meet the person?

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No, we met through work and became fast friends eventhough we live in 2 different continents. We wrote to eachother nearly everyday for a year when all of a sudden he changed. I'm so sad..

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It is simply a non sustainable relationship.

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Maybe a little, just make your own judgements about wht sort of person he is eg selfish etc but don't let him know you're jeAlous maybe he has a good reason after all

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Only you could say if it's really nearing to the "end" of your relationship.And I know that deep inside you have the answers,or at least some clue.<br />
Just keep in mind that you can't help people who themselves don't want your help.We can't force what we want to other people because you're different.He's different also,no matter how close you used to be.<br />
And even in relationships like this,both of you require space at times.I'm sure you trust him enough that when the fog in his head clears up,he'd talk to you on what it's really about.<br />
Hoping to hear more from you!:)

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I wouldn't say, "The End." I would venture to guess something's changing inside him. Perhaps the job/stresses seem to burdensome to him sharing with you. I.e. maybe he tried and you gave him a feeling like, "Oh no! Here we go again!" When he knows this feels never ending already and now feels you're being pushed away too... <br />
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Men definitely process and cope differently than women. Give him time. Listen when he needs it. Be stronger than he is now..

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He sounds depressed.<br />
Depression does that to you...when you're in psychological pain it's really hard to reach out, to care about others, or to see beyond your own agony.<br />
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My suggestion: keep contacting him every other week or so... but keep the messages really short.<br />
Depression makes it hard to concentrate, too.<br />
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Work on strengthening other friendships, because he's not doing so well, and you need others to lean on...that's why they call it a support network.<br />
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Let him vent though...just respond with caring, and tell him he might ought to get therapy. This is about him, not you, try not to take it personal, you're fine.

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Sounds like it for him,but things have changed and he's not coping as well. So it becomes more about them.

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try to understand the situation...don't act as you do direectly

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