Is writting questions on a piece of paper asking my father reasons and beliefs he had when he was harming me?
Basically... I want to tell him how he has hurt me over the years without... um... yelling at him. His mental health, ironically, isn't stable. Yet, for a while he was doing what I was doing, which he was yelling at me for... *sigh* I want to start with his ultimatum: 'I know what you are doing. I know wat you are thinking. Everything about your situation is your fault. You put yourself in your position no one else did. Your mother wants to coddle you. No more! You will go back to college, get a job, or move out of the house and do so by February.' I'll start with one part of it at a time... I'm doing something he never has... asking questions to gain knowlege, not asking questions to see if I am lying... he makes assuptions and anything contrary to them is a lie. Fun?
To clarify, this is a way to open communication with my father because I need to release the supressed emotions that I have... mostly anger. The problem is, I become self destructive when angry. I turn the anger towards myself. I figure, giving the pieces of paper to my father, for him to clarify what in the world he was thinking at the time. So I can, eventually, express my feelings, had a discussion about that in group therapy yesterday, to him. Since the anger I have because of him needs to be directed at the cause of the anger instead of myself.
5 Answers to "Is writting questions on a piece of paper asking my father reasons and beliefs he had when he was harming me?"
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You can ask your father all the questions you want, but he might not answer them (at least not to your liking), or he may continue to mock you and your questions. You want answers, and maybe you'll get some. But then again, you might still walk away from your father afterwards, still not satisfied or content. You and your father have differences in opinions. You cannot change him, but you can learn to accept that your father is not perfect (nobody is), and work more on feeling good about yourself.
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At some point, you have to look back at your life and simply say "**** happened to me that wasn't fair. So what?" Shrug it off and move on. Your father may have good reasons or stupid reasons, he may want forgiveness or see nothing to apologise for. It doesn't matter what he does or feels, as long as if he can no longer harm you. Just decide whether it's best to keep him in your life at arms length, or remove him completely, and leave the rest of your past behind you.
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I'm guessing he would never agree to going to a therapist with you right? It sounds like you need a mediator.
Writing a letter may or may not go over well with him depending on the kind of person he is but it is certainly a start and opening communication and will allow you to get all your thoughts across without becoming emotional in front of him. I would also tell him that you are writing it because you two can't seem to have a conversation without things getting out of hand. If nothing else, it lets you get your thoughts out. Sometimes even doing just that helps. I don't know your actual situation so I won't comment on that.Like (1)
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sounds like it might be therapeutic for you, but he's not ever going to realize what a d!ck he is. it's no coincidence that he's mentally unstable. no matter how much factual evidence is presented, he's still going to think he's right and everyone else is wrong. good luck!
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Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):
Posted by XxBlackCat100xX Jun 27th, 2012 at 6:46AM
do you intend to give these bits of paper to your father?
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Reply by Alustrial Jun 30th, 2012 at 2:04AM
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Reply by XxBlackCat100xX Jul 2nd, 2012 at 9:33AM
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