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The most recent example. A girl I saw in a class two years ago was very shy and I am too chickenshit to get to know her. Now I see her (with a boyfriend) around campus walking completely confident. Smiling. Noticeable. Also very attractive. Point is, I haven't progressed a step since then and other people have. What can I do now? Help.
SomethingNew88 SomethingNew88 18-21, M 3 Answers Apr 25 in Dating & Relationships

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Do what I did. Just thrust yourself into a situation no matter how uncomfortable you might feel and go along with it.

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Usually my uncomfortable situations involve people. Either people I want to know better or girls. Neither of which work out. "go along with it" how so? then I'm not changing myself. I'm just going with the flow arent' I?

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See? This is what you're doing wrong. Someone told me something similar and I questioned their every word. Blah. Just do it. Not once, not twice. Until you feel like you've done it enough that you are used to it.

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I have no idea when or how many times that would be. Could be ten, twenty or a hundred times for all I know. What is considered "an uncomfortable situation"?

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Well if you were anything like me you would want to join a conversation between two people but fear you'd come across as foolish or rude for dropping in. Or you see a lady on her own and would like to catch her attention but don't want to sound like an over confident *** or a slouching, shy buffoon. With the ladies I tend to just compliment their hair first. Some might think that comes across as gay but it's all in the follow through.

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Yes. Usually it would be in group of two plus girls talking amongst themselves at a bus stop (wanting to go somewhere), at school (studying and sometimes with a guy), middle of the street (on guard from strangers) etc. How to go about that?

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Choose.

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Choose what?

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Choose anything. If you don't choose, you're sitting still, and the world keeps going. Choose. If you need "motivation", then just look in the mirror.

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Should I choose my friends then? I mean I know a lot of people who would be interesting to hang out with but I will hang out with them once in a blue moon rather than one or two friends several times in a month. Because I can't choose which one I want more in my life. I have trouble choosing paths to take. I know many 'paths' I could have taken. Decisions made over a period of time. But I choose a sample of each path rather than take any particular one. Perhaps one of the reasons I don't have many (if any) close friends

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Dude, those are some damn fine excuses. Just choose. Get off you ***, and be as productive as you possibly can. Set goals, and go for them. Or, choose to sit on your ***. I'm not just talking the talk. Man-up, and get busy living.

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I can't determine whether your first sentence was sarcasm or sincere. And what do you mean "I'm not just talking the talk"?

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Quit asking questions, and choose, dude. Just choose.

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*sigh* everyone who knows me well enough comes to the same conclusion. That I should stop asking questions and just do it. To CHOOSE.
I realize I need to

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Well you seen what the others are doing so you just do whatever you want... whats stopping you?

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Well I don't see what they're doing. I don't see what happened to them to cause a change. Just the results of it. I suppose indecision is stopping me. I want to try it all but I can't decide and thus end up choosing nothing.

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Ok and well you should start doing what you want and that'll help you make decisions and if you're having doubts about a decision ask someone... Life is full of risks and well if it goes wrong then its not the end of the world as everybody makes mistakes! :)

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Alright. To start (over again since I've done **** all in 3 years) how should I begin?
How would I know what I want? I'm damn indecisive. My cousins know not to give me advice because they know that I'll just go with their idea rather than think for myself. Which is good because they're getting me to make my own choices but at the same time its hard to do so

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What are your dreams? What career do you want to pursue? What are your hobbies? What does your friends do? Do you know why you're indecisive? Are you afraid? Had any bad results from making a decision?

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Dreams (as in wishes I want to make happen?): Experience everything. A family, a wife, kids. A job where I am happy and fulfilled. A personality where I am completely certain about who I am and what I want.

Career: Something with people, not in an office all day but not in the kitchen. Learning, passion, expansive, something where I can make a difference or show my limits.

Hobbies: Martial arts, public speaking, writing, science, trying new things, food, people, listening, reading, manga.

Friends: Science, programming, travel, business, marketing, science chem and general, massage therapist, work, counselling.

Why: Example for friends:
I mean I know a lot of people who would be interesting to hang out with but I will hang out with them once in a blue moon rather than one or two friends several times in a month. Because I can't choose which one I want more in my life. I have trouble choosing paths to take. I know many 'paths' I could have taken. Decisions made over a period of time. But I choose a sample of each path rather than take any particular one. Perhaps one of the reasons I don't have many (if any) close friends
--> I want to do it all but I can only choose one choice. One path. I want to do them all, and I can't decide. So I end up here and choosing none of them.

Afraid: Petrified of mistakes and choosing the wrong choice. The butterfly effect. What will it cause that will end badly?

Result: ....... no. Bad results end up from my not making any decision. The girl who I didn't hang out with or meet. The opportunity that I didn't take. The trip I never went on. The friends I never tried hard to keep around. The relationship that didn't bloom. The window that I closed.

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Ok so you do know what you like and want so now you have to find ways to achieve it all and it's possible! You said that you want to be certain on what you want but you've actually answered that!

Ok so you got an idea of what type of career you like to have so you could find out jobs out there that meets it, well can't you just be friend with them all and carry on with meeting them once in a blue moon if thats the way you like it?

Well Just take one path and if you don't like it then go to a different path... life is all about learning and going different directions as it is a journey!

Sounds like you're thinking back a lot too and comparing yourself to other people seeing what they have and what you haven't got...

Also don't forget that the other people could've made a better effort too so it's not all you and you're not to blame for it all!

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I have an idea of where I want to go but no solid method to get from A to B.

"Job" not "field of study"?

My viewpoint is "You don't need to have a hundred friends, just one friend you treasure as much as a hundred people"
I would like a few close friends rather than many acquaintances. I have many of the later I may hang with or talk with a few times then leave and never contact again. "Single serving friends" as you will. Plus I like to know people deeply. A best friend is what I want. Because that would be not only did I choose that person, but it would mean that they choose me as well. Same with a girlfriend.

I do. Truly I do. Far too much and everyone I know enough is aware of that.

True. So I should pay attention to the ones who make an effort to contact me. .. but then I'm confused when they stop making attempts to contact me after a while.

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