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So my Cousin (N) had a daughter and left her for drugs when her daughter was 18 mo. N's mother (L) got custody and is raising her. N now has a son who's 2yrs. old, she dropped him off at the sitter's a month ago and never came back. (That's the same way she left her daughter 7yrs ago) L cannot take care of him, his fathers family won't help and wants to turn him over to the system. I can't let that happen, I told L that I would take him on one condition; L must file for custody and then sign him over to me. My state is VERY pro-mother and refused to take N's first child away. The only way L got custody is because N got tired of coming to court and just signed all her rights over. I only want this so I can ensure he has a loving stable home life and she doesn't decided a few months from now she misses him and wants him back. I don't want him to go through all the torture I saw her first child go through.
Diamonds657 Diamonds657 26-30, F 17 Answers Sep 23, 2012 in Parenting & Family

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I had three little boys, my new husband 2 sons & an adopted daughter when we married. It wasn't 6 weeks later we started waking up and there'd be another boy at the breakfast table. After a couple of weeks I'd ask if they needed a bed, school clothes and some lunch money.



Once I tried to tell one mother how well her son was doing and the woman said "Don't ever talk to me about this again." This? 'This' was her BOY.



Take him and love him and thank God for you. I just can't comprehend this. My stepkids' mom told me right away that her children were not allowed to stay over night with her. ?? She died just a few years after the youngest graduated - alone.

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OMG! Your house sounds like my house growing up. Our friends would come to stay the night and never leave. When I graduated HS my Mom had 6 teenage girls ranging from 13-18 all sharing 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. It was crammed but we were all very happy. I'm glad the boys found a good place to finish growing up with you.

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you are quite right, good on you for caring.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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That's really awesome of you and totally agree in your way of doing it. Good luck to you!

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Thank you.

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Thank you all SO much for your support. I am confident in my decision now. They're bringing him home in a few hours and tomorrow L will be getting in contact with N and setting up a time for them to get custody signed over.

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What you want is necessary for it to work. You need to have legal control of the child otherwise you'll be forever fighting the system. Without it you could have the child ripped out of your life, that would be devastating for all concerned. If you really want this...go for it legally, no one will watch your back don't put your trust in family promises.

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I somewhat agree. It's nearly impossible here to get a child taken away from their mother. She has been in and out of jail, has more than one felony arrest, has never passed a drug test the courts gave her and they still wouldn't take her daughter away. (It's messed up IMO) But, I don't want to take the place of his Mother, I don't want to keep them apart. I just want sole custody so that I can give him what his mother cannot. Thank you though, I will be careful. Thankfully, I know I can depend my aunt following through. The only reason she can't take him is because she's fighting tongue and throat cancer. Raising an 8 yr. old is hard enough like that, she couldn't handle a toddler.

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That might be the way to do it so that she can't come back and mess everybody over again, You are awesome to be doing this. All the best to you.

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Thank you.

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The world needs more like you m'dear! CYA legally though... find who to argue the stability issue too. My Dad had a childhood something like you mention and... well look at me and guess how well his role model masculinity form football coaches and drill srgt's played with me? Took a long time and me growing up to communicate with him instead of being yelled at... That stuff messes with their head indeed

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I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. Nobody deserves that.

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I just had a "grumpy" Pop... He's a fantastic person when considering what HE had to go through and my slacker butt hardly knows suffering... but thank you soooo much for saying so! Let's put you on the scotus. Potus is a scapegoat and your effective not just personable... you need real power to guard it from the likes of me

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The child needs a stable life. Get custody, legally,or let the state take care of him.

Your right not to take him without legal custody. Months or even years later the child could be Uprooted.

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I couldn't agree more. That's my biggest fear in this whole thing.

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At least if the state gets involved they will be made aware of the Mothers character. They will take him then you can offer to take him from the state. They will Probably,let you Foster they prefer relatives.

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They're aware of her parenting capabilities they just don't think it's a problem. This is the same thing she did to her daughter. If you look at the response I wrote to Tgilly it explains it.

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My hat is off to You!

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Follow your heart, right?

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Oh yes!Wish there were more of You.

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Wow your great! go for it.

Your doing the right thing, though they say the child should be with the mother.

You should most definitely do what you said you'd do, hope all works out and the child has a good up bringing and a settling life!

It would never be settling with the mother he has, hope all goes your way though.



Some people shouldn't have children, (her) but these things happen don't they.

It's a pity drugs is more important than your own children.



But anyhow good luck!

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Thank you for the good wishes on us. You know I believe some people shouldn't have children either LOL that being said, I would NEVER stop them from seeing one another. I will welcome her to visit him in but, only while I'm here. I cannot make the decision on whether or not she should be a part of her life, that's for him to decide through experience. I just want to give him the opportunity to have a safe place which, I feel he's being robbed of right now.

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Good on you, yeah letting him see her I guess is the right thing, only if she is in the right state.
A safe place is something every child should have.

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Wow thats a very brave thing you are planning on doing. Good luck and I hope it works out for both you and the child

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Thank you.

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i think you would be a great mom

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Thank you! I have 2 kids now and it's funny... I was totally done and vowed to never have another child but, every child deserves to be saved. I couldn't look myself in the mirror knowing I didn't do my part.

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thats what i mean the care never dies

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So true!

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