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CarrieBeth CarrieBeth 26-30, F 176 Answers Apr 26, 2010

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It makes a woman feel like shes not on his mind. She's not really important. It at first creates sadness. Women will try to show him how do show affection by being affectionate first, but eventually if not reciprocated the woman will feel unloved, unimportant and will seek love elsewhere. And to the women on this site who let their men walk over them and take away their ability to feel beautiful, loved, need to stop giving into their men! Women hold the POWER! We decide if its time for sex! Not the other way around! Leave his pathetic *** whether u have kids with em or not! Leave him and be happy! Find a REAL Man that CAN LOVE U BACK!

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I've been with my boyfriend for almost nine months and I can hardly recall a moment where he was cute and affectionate with me. And I am excluding any holidays or birthday. But just in general, every day. I have to remind him to be cute with me. He barely holds my hand in public, if so, for a really short period of time. When we watch tv/a a movie on the couch, he never sits close to me, never put his hand on my lap, hug me or anything. As silly as it sounds, whenever he gets up from the table (aaaalways before me, even if i am done) to clean his place he only clean HIS stuff. Now that sounds childish? Maybe. But I feel a little sad everytime because when I clean up, I clean up everytime. Even his stuff. I do every little things that shows him how much I care and love him. I used to be the one who'd cuddle him ln the couch, hug in him public, hold his hand first but then I just stopped because he barely did it himself. The only affection from him that I get are meaningless, quick pecks on the tip of my lips as if he was in a hurry or really short cuddles in the bed before sleeping/in the morning. But all those mark of affection are done in such a hurry and I don't feel like they're meaningful. He just doesn't seem to care.

And then, from time to time I wonder if I should still be with him because I remember how it used to be with my ex and right now, with my boyfriend,I feel like I shouldn't have left my ex. At all.

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Okay soo I don't know what to do anymore I've tried talking to him a million times and it gets me no where all he says is it's not all about sex...no it's not all about sex but when we've had sex once in 6months and there's no affection anymore how do you expect me to feel...he just says I love you I'm still attracted to you and it's not you I'm just stressed or finds some excuse..we've been together for nearly two years and at the beginning it was great he couldn't keep his hands off me wanted me next to him and with him all the time we would both take off work just to spend all day together..but now we barely talk unless we are arguing or talking about him and his job or something like that..I don't know what to do anymore we just had a baby girl she's two months old and it seems as if as soon as he found out I was pregnant is when it all stopped..even though we wanted to have a baby together..it was his idea...but now I question if I should have ever went through with it we we're suppose to get married but it seems like he's the one that's pushing for us to and I'm finding excuses not to..I love him I do but I also love affection I think it's very important to every relationship..so I have no idea what to do any more..I need help please I don't know how much more I can take..I cry myself to sleep at night now that's not healthy...and I'm not happy but I love him and I'm starting to wonder why I even care anymore..

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My boyfriend does the same thing. He used to be all over me and we used to talk about forever, not he says he's not the "mushy" type and all we do is argue. It's really pushing me away and I don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart. I've
Stopped showing affection because he stopped and when I show affection and don't get it back it hurts. I feel like he doesn't care and that I'm his last priority. He's always talking to his friends and on his phone and never talks to me. We have been on and off for a year now and I just want things to be okay. I was diagnosed with severe depression and he says it's getting in the way. I'm so hurt, mad, and confused I don't know what to do anymore.

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been there… I know some people are like that, that's fine, everyone is different, BUT if you cannot handle that then leave him. I know you love him, but to what degree will the loving him will overshadow the love for yourself? i mean to love is amazing but we have to love ourselves also and first!!. This means, if you love yourself, then give/treat yourself better, let yourself flourish!!! Treat you right, don't expect less than what you want and deserve. Period! I can tell you one thing, if you don't accept him like that (and by accept him i mean don't feel bad because he's not affectionate), OR you will start to resent him, because you will always be expecting more and he is NEVER going to give it to you because that0s the way he is. I'm not trying to offend you but only tell you the truth so you get it. I understand you so much! If your ex was more affectionate so what? it's over, please don't start comparing because you will loose it!! NO ONE is the same. And don't worry, there are a lot a LOT of man out there that are affectionate. Not only your ex. Open up and decide what you want to do for YOURSELF AND ONLY FOR YOURSELF. if you want more affection then leave and want it so much to your core and you will receive it eventually from some other adorable man!

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Leave now while you are young!! I'm 50 now and wasted 30 years with a man who never showed empathy and now that I have lupus I need a hug and he doesn't its like living with a mute!! Whats sad is our grown son is just like his dad!!! I so regret not leaving him many years ago for now I'm sick and old and so alone

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Dump him. You deserve better. Seriously.

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Dump him. You deserve better. Seriously.

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Hi I just finished a relationship with a man who told me it's not that he didn't want to show me affection but simply that he couldn't .....when he hadn't even given me a hug or a kiss on the cheek for a week, I confronted him and asked him if he loved me ...he replied .....Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't...naturally I was devastated...ultimately an argument developed whereby he told me I was fat and ugly ...consequently the relationship ended that night..but my thought process leaves me to believe that affection is deliberately withheld to enhance the other persons low self esteem ....can I add to this my ex told me every relationship he had ever had ended in the woman cheating on him...but I believe if he has always been so unaffectionate, this was the reason for the infidelity

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Wow I'm experiencing this NOW...

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Same here! I'm a lesbian though, but it's still the same concept. I find myself thinking of my ex all the time because my girlfriend isn't giving me ANY affection and I know that if I were still with my ex; I'd be getting affection..

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I make it a thing to touch his back or arm or leg when setting on the couch,walk him to the door when leaving for work, for no kiss. He has not kissed me yet since we started dating 3wks ago. He stays with me and sex is just very casual. Do it get dressed,that's it. What's up?

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Mine is the same way and I don't even know what to do. I cry over every lil thing that he might say in a rude tone. I just don't think he loves me anymore and he wants someone else. He has hurt me in the passed before we got married and now I get no affection from him and I tell him how I feel and just hurts me more. I'm sorry I wish I could tell you what to try or do. I need help myself. I want him to treat me like I'm very thing to him and wish he couldn't keep his hands off of me. It does hurt tho.

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Hi,
This is not ok. A man that cant clean off a table after dinner or for that matter sometimes take more than half the work in the household would not be on my " to keep list". A. You are not owing him any housholdchores because you are feamle and he is male. If you dont belive me you need to move to the northern european countries and marry a scandinavian man who does do more then half of the household chores while having a job and picking up kids from school etc.
B. If he does not touch you, I bet your sex life sucks. Life is not a **** video, your bed room should not be a **** video. You need to change your expectations or you need to change culture and country if you want to become happy. But I tell you, there is a reason to why you search here online for help and its probably because you cant just be a happy chic doing what's expected without complaining because you do have a little bit of independence in you and will to love your own life. Now water these nice gifts of yours with love and attention to yourself and start a new life without any men for some time. Then when you are ready don't settle for less!

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Didn't catch when this was posted but HELL YEAH IT DOES! It's a strange feeling to have. It toys with the emotions along with self esteem and self doubt. I am a spoiler! Love to spoil my love! But that's all changing...if HE can't show affection to me and well do me the way I think all goddesses should be done, than he gets nothing from me. If that pushes him away than 'kick rocks'! Lol! We were never meant to be then. I've repeatedly have talked to him about this and it gets ignored or swept under thee ol carpet. I am completely Bored! In a healthy relationship two meet half way not one way..that's leads to a dead end. Where I'm about to hit! I've also have told him that there are always a man waiting to treat a female the correct way. Some people are ok being in a relationship that's DRY! Not me! I am 38 years old and am in my third relationship. I was married for 15 years and divorced at 33. I know what it takes for a healthy relationship and trust is the main factor. But intimacy and passion is up at the top of the list. Any female or how I address all females, goddesses! A man should treat his goddess like a rare gem. In return he will be absolutely adored and loved!

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love it!

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I noticed that you said I WAS married for 15 years and that you divorce at 33 years old and then you said so I know what it takes for a healthy relationship I don't understand

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Hi, I am a guy also and it seems to me that your not all being entirely honest with your selves. I too am in a relationship that is suffering and my girlfriend would share all of your thoughts and feelings hence why I am writing( She had left this page open accidentally on her iPad) . Now I truly believe you feel that you are doing the best for your relationship but there's probably one thing you are doing wrong and your doing it repeatedly...and that's NAG! We as men do not like to be reminded of thins repeatedly and do not like talking about the same things over and over. The reason your relationships are suffering is probably to do with the fact you nag so much, go on be honest with your selves! BREAKING NEWS : However this how you keep your relationship good. Don't sit in and tell him things go out and do it yourself, don't stay in at the weekend go out and enjoy yourself. You don't need to sit and talk men find it boring and we enjoy our own space. Your sudden enthusiasm to concentrate on your own life will only awaken him to what he might loose if it ends. Rather than losing a boring nagging housewife he could loose an Independant fun girl which is what you were at the start. Now I'm not suggesting you start hitting the clubs every night but a small change in your life could light the flame again it would even give you more things to talk about. There is one thing I may add. I do truly love my girlfriend I would never cheat on her and she is my best friend. She doesn't need to question my loyalty but she does, I understand that she feels unloved but nagging me is not the answer.

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Eww, try counseling dude. This page is for people to relate not hate. Your relationship issues are not a mirror of every sexless/lack luster romanceless relationship. Withholding affection for 'bad' behavior might work on dogs but not if you want a healthy relationship. You will find the exact same complaints she has will likely become a theme throughout your dating career as most women are not looking for more than a standard healthy relationship...which you are clearly too immature to have. Counseling works!
Good luck!

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It's crazy how you say you love her but you just admitted to not showing affection to her on purpose because you don't like nagging ? You just admitted to hurting her for nagging but you do truly love her very hypocritical
I hope she does find something better though
BREAKING NEWS: If a woman who doesn't nag at least a little to her love about her not being sure if he loves her, most likely means he's getting played like a sucker she's screwing Tom **** and Harry !!and just using you for whatever you guys ARE good for And then she will be enjoying herself without the proud narcissist.
She really loves you and your hurting her all along knowing you could do something to stop her hurting .it's evil.. you enjoy what your doing. hope you get off the high horse before you lose her
Yes it could happen!!!:/

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Wow way to lamplight. Withholding of affection is a form of emotional abuse (literally) If you are still neglegent affectionately after she's tried to talk to you about it several times, that's your problem, not hers. If you want her to quit "nagging" quit neglecting her.

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love this

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My boyfriend does not show me any affection. Usually I'm the one who initiates it. I stopped because I am tired of always being the one. The only time we really kiss and hug is hi and bye time. When he walks by me he doesn't even stop to hug, grab or whatever me. His hands just don't touch me at all. I hate this. I am a very affectionate person, I need this to feel loved and wanted and desirable to him. My last boyfriend was the total opposite to this one. I kinda want to break up with him, I know I will never be happy with this situation unless he changes, but then if he does change I will think it's only because I want him to and it is forced only to try to keep me. Help me. I just don't know what to do. As a result I am a ***** to him.

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exactly how I'm feeling ..i've toldhim how i am and how it makes me feel..he says he likes me alot and wants to keep seeing me but im so frustrated with it, cause he dont seem to care, says he not like that..well to keep a girl you like, you need to make compromises and not be so selfish..keeping someone hanging on without any show of affection will get you by yourself:(

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You pretty much just described my relationship. haha! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, and he doesnt show me affection anymore. When we first started dating, he always wanted me to sit with him/on his lap, holding hands, kiss me, hug me, etc. Now the only time we hug or kiss is when we say goodbye. and thats the ONLY affection i get from him, unless he wants to have sex. Then its....take your pants off lets get this done, and go back to watching tv or doing whatever we were doing before. I tell him i need him to show me more affection, he said he doesnt know if im just messing around whenever I try to show affection. It upsets me SO much and idk what to do anymore.

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Has it gotten any better? I cry all the time because of this same situation.

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I feel the same way i always cry I been with my husband for 4 years and has stopped showing affection im tired of it I

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When my man shows affection for other women and not me, this makes me bloody crazy. But pay back time is coming soon.

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I don't think "payback" is the answer. If you're unhappy, leave. Seeking revenge is very low, it's your fault if you're tolerating something you don't want to tolerate.

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Sometimes you have to show a person how it feels to be ignored so that he knows how it feels. This is not revenge, but he needs to learn. My husband thinks that the most important thing in a marriage is his job, and not me. He never holds me, and totally ignores me in public, and looks at other women. I am ready to dump his ***. However I have no place to go and no job skills to make it on my own. I wish I could get help.

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YES!!!!!! It makes me, VERY SAD & CONFUSED! He makes me feel like something I never felt before......UNSURE & INSECURE. :...(

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I have the same problem! I have always felt beautiful until now. I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and he kisses me every four or five months! He NEVER holds my hand in public and rarely shows affection! I love him with all my heart, but I want to feel loved back :(

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Yes. It makes you feel unimportant and unnoticed. Just the girl he settled for. The problem is no matter how many times you bring it to attention it doesn't change even though he is aware of how much it hurt me but at the end of the day I realize he is fully capable of doing these things but he doesn't feel the urge of need to for me.

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And that hurts like crazy.

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Holy cow !! I'm a dude who's wife left a year ago. I've read the ENTIRE internet to try and figure out why/what happened. Sure, I've played the victim. Done the loss, anger, grief cyclical thing ........and then I came to this site. Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. Too much sadness. It seems a lot of you still love your bf/h. All I can say is - spell it out for him ! Use really small words, very simple language. Trust me, we're not very bright as a gender, and even if we were slapped around the head with a hundred clues and hints we'd still be surprised if you left. Yeah, I know - like I said , not too clever us men !! I was one of those dudes you all know. Chances are he loves you like mad. Chances are his world would crumble without you. Tell him exactly how you feel. (Correction, how he's MAKING you feel). Then tell him he will lose you if it doesn't change. (Probably better not to blame or point the finger though - the fragile male ego and all that). Even counseling can be a god-send. I never realised how much I was hurting my ex, and it tears a little piece away from my soul every day knowing I did - even now. I'm so sorry that you are all hurting too, but maybe, juuuust maybe ,you could save your relationships. Lifes too short to feel the way you do. Tell him over dinner or something (maybe a restaurant so he can't have a hissy-fit). Don't expect over-night success because he will need to come to terms with the reality, but let it build until your love is where you want it to be. Sky's the limit. <br />
Ya know, It just dawned on me - have him read your postings !! Now THAT should be a wake-up call !!<br />
<br />
If you're still not getting through to him, run for them thar hills !! <br />
<br />
Feel free to ask if you want a dudes view on things.

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Wow. See that's great, a guy posting things on here. Its always nice to have a guys point of view. If you can please read my post its very new so probably near the top. Please read and if you can I'd love your reply to see what I can do. Thank you

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Hi to munkilump, "the dude". Not sure if you're able to check out my story (I'm new to this) but I would like to have your opinion. .would like to know male point of iview on it

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Okay soo I don't know what to do anymore I've tried talking to him a million times and it gets me no where all he says is it's not all about sex...no it's not all about sex but when we've had sex once in 6months and there's no affection anymore how do you expect me to feel...he just says I love you I'm still attracted to you and it's not you I'm just stressed or finds some excuse..we've been together for nearly two years and at the beginning it was great he couldn't keep his hands off me wanted me next to him and with him all the time we would both take off work just to spend all day together..but now we barely talk unless we are arguing or talking about him and his job or something like that..I don't know what to do anymore we just had a baby girl she's two months old and it seems as if as soon as he found out I was pregnant is when it all stopped..even though we wanted to have a baby together..it was his idea...but now I question if I should have ever went through with it we we're suppose to get married but it seems like he's the one that's pushing for us to and I'm finding excuses not to..I love him I do but I also love affection I think it's very important to every relationship..so I have no idea what to do any more..I need help please I don't know how much more I can take..I cry myself to sleep at night now that's not healthy...and I'm not happy but I love him and I'm starting to wonder why I even care anymore..

Can you help me I've never had this problem before..no guy that I've been in a relationship with has never treated me this way..or made me feel unwanted or not beautiful I'm losing my self confidence over it I always blame myself for him not wanting me like its the baby weight because I use to he in shape and it's not like I'm huge now but I just has a baby and sadly he is very superficial..please give me your opinion or advice I need it..I'm at a crossroad and I'm trying to figure out which path I should take with this relationship..cause honestly..I'm giving up..

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Lonely and confused, some men fear of hurting you or baby thats part of the reason for lack of affection and sex. If your OB doctor said you are healed and can have sex. Tell and show your partner. Communicate with your partner if he continues to ignore your request. Ask him where your relationship is going. Let him be the one to say. Be prepared for the worst and understand you will be alone. Being alone isn't bad because you are now . Once your alone it will free you and allow a more loving partner into your life. That's all we want is to be showed and loved.

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Hey...i don't know what to do anymore the very beginning he held my hand hugged n kissed me got his full attention and cuddle with me everynight and generally would lead to other things and now he hardly kisses me hugs me won't hold my hand...I have tjis constant want or need to cry... This empty feeling inside of me...i need affection like he used to give me...

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Ha, yeah it's very interesting to be the minority

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my boyfriend always tell me to "let him know what he should do". this sounds weird but some men dont know.

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I always have to ask him to be affectionate towards me but he's so sarcastic that when he does show it (very rarely) it makes me think he's joking... its not good HELP

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Hi,me my boyfriend is going through the same thing.He doesn't want to nothing fun together,only thing we do is go out to eat every blue moon..He confinds in his son mom more then me.I can't even express my feeling to him,he won't listen.He doesn't kiss or cuddle with me.What should I do ladies.?

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Yes, sad, worthless and its also embarrassing. My boyfriend trys to show me affection when his friends are around and with there girlfriends, like he putting on an act but when were alone we sit on the opposite sides of the room and can go without speaking for hours. The crazy thing is his roommates look at me as if they want rip my clothes off when they see me and constantly say how lucky he is to have me. I cook I clean I keep my appearrance up and make sure I'm his second brain... but he told me the other day when I asked if hes ever even thought about buying me flowers he gave me a straight NO. That was like a death blow... I cried all night. Unlike some of you women other than a meal he buys me nothing and doesnt help pay for any of my bills. So I dont think grocery store flowers are too much to ask for. Only time he wants sex is when hes been drinking which he didnt use to do. I know hes not cheating because hes always contacting me and wanting me to be around him but sometimes I just feel like and doesnt want to be alone and needs a dinner buddy from time to time. I also believe he wants to keep an eye on me cause he knows there are men constantly trying to ****** me up. Its hard to go from a relationship where a man wakes you up with kisses and by tickling you and telling you how beautiful you are to this train wreck....but Im glad I had a taste of real love so that I know what to look for when I leave this loser.

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YES!!! I love my man with all my heart and I would do anything for him! I just wonder why he does NOT show affection around friends or in public? I feel like maybe I am not good enough or not pretty enough! The other feeling I get from time to time is that he don't want other women in public to know that he is taken! I know he looks at other women and that's fine but, I want to know and feel that I am the one...the only one! I need affection, I always have! I like to hold hands, hug and kiss! I am proud to let the world know that he is my man. I only wish and hope that he can be as proud of me and start to show the affection I so deserve! He should want to let the world know I am is woman if he loves me that much!

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STOP!!!!!! GO AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR, ALL THE MIRRORS!!!!! And, see the BEAUTIFUL &amp; SEXY YOU!!!!! DON'T EVER ALLOW THESE THOUGHTS &amp; ANYONE, ESPECIALLY A MAN. MAKE YOU FEEL UN-PRETTY!!!! IF he can tell you he LOVES YOU in behind closed doors, then HE should show you In front of everyone. you are a BQ ( BEAUTIFUL QUEEN )

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Although the comment below holds some truth you need to analyze the type of person your bf is. Why doesn't he show affection in public? Is he shy? Ask yourself why its ok for him to look at other women? I think thats a bad sign and with these two types of behaviors together it doesn't look to good. Remember there are hundreds of men looking for a woman to make happy. Don't be afraid to go out there and be one.

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yes makes me feel both. makes me wonder whether im in the right relationship

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Yes.<br />
It places me in a weak and vulnerable spot.<br />
I hate that I need it.

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Men like this do not change unfortunately, I'm sorry to say. From when they first start dating you, they know they have to display an interest otherwise how would they get you tangled in their web! When this first happened to me, my then partner put me on a peddle stool, I was everything all men wanted & he constantly thought I would leave him!!! After a few months of being in the relationship he stopped displaying affection, stopped even answering my texts messages & gradually withdrew all know affection. I thought it was something I did, questioned myself, beauty, weight, etc. I began to think his he bi-polar. I had enough due to my mental state due to his behaviour & needed the relationship. His next relatioship ended & we eventually got back together, married 18 months later which is now 10 months of marriage & my now husband made me celibate within the first 4 days of marriage & now has withdrawn all affection. I broke down the other day & he couldn't even hug me, no empathy at all. I believe after doing much research he is a passive aggressive & has most of the traits. Very sad, get out while you can. Will I be married to this man in 5 years time, probably not.

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I know ladies, it sounds like we all are going threw the same thing. My man and I have been together for about a year and a half, and we have a beautiful daughter. Up until I had her he was great, and after our daughter was born, slowly he cuddled less and less, and he changed a lot. I've threatened to leave him so many times, but it doesn't change anything. I've brought it up so many times. I feel like we are an old married couple and either A. he settled with me because I got pregnant kind of quick or B. He hates that I haven't quit smoking like I promised. I would be so lucky to get a kiss hi or bye. He rolls his eyes and signs of make a chh noise like it annoys him so much. The only time I get any affection is when we are having sex, which is like once or twice every 2 weeks. I feel like crying all the time because he used to be so different. He said that he does this stuff at the beginning of every relationship, and it is the reason why he's lost every girl, but to me it seems like he either don't think he will lose me or he don't care. I am a stay at home mom. I clean, take care of baby 24/7 with barely any help from him and pick up after him. He bought an extra car, so I'd have something to drive, and he bought me a laptop instead of an engagement ring, but that also makes me wonder if he still even wants to get married.

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It makes me angry, sad, confused. It makes me work harder on my appearance as low self esteem comes with no affection. I do not feel loved, how can anyone? Love is shown through affection. It makes me want to cheat, I always wondered why women cheat and the question above is the answer. I wonder if he is cheating....lots of things come to mind.

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you have to beat him at his game or move on

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I'm 35, "milf" yet humble and friendly to everyone, tons of friends, lots of admirers, yet I'm crying every night almost because my 28 year old boyfriend who loves me in all other ways, just is not affectionate at all. I only have eyes for him and he is envied by many of his friends for being my man yet they look at me more than he does. I give oral almost every time we have sex, which is now once a week when it used to me four or five. I get it from him about once a quarter, yes ladies, once a quarter! this is the first time I've been in a relationship where I'm not pushing him away. There's is no attention to me physically or sexually unless we are having sex. There's so much more I want to say but I'm just so upset and tired and done..but I love him and he is great everywhere else.

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It sounds like he doesn't want you to feel you are his world, or banging as most men refer to when it comes to women (physically). I take what you are explaining as he is afraid to show his affection, because he is all into you. Keep your head up and show him his action do not face you and your confidence and see if things change. If not kick him in the butt, lol maybe he will react.

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terrible situation. I'd advise you to withhold your feelings a bit. He's too used to all your perks. Starve him a bit and see if you get a reaction. If he doesn't react to missing the oral, then he's a granite stone. If he shows he misses it, then you may have a chance to turn this around in your favor

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Yes! I hate when I don't get affection from my man especially because I'm such an affectionate person myself! When we first started dating we used to be like the couple out of 'the notebook' literally! He was so loving and affectionate, always cuddling me and kissing me and fussing.... And now we've been together a couple of years and since we got serious he doesn't do all that stuff as much, he also doesn't find it easy to talk about emotional subjects either :/ it frustrates me sometimes but I love him with all my heart he is amazing and treats me so good

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As long as he treats you good, and it sounds like the love is there. Help him learn to love you as he use to again. :-)

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I am always showing affection & love towards my boyfriend but he never shows any love back what so ever .. I also think I have a habit of trying to much with him and don't know how to stop . Is it just me with a warm heart or am I just a fool .?

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Well that's exactly how I feel in my relationship now. My previous relationship of 6 years was the opposite, he told me he loved me all the time and did romantic things for me so I know not all men are like my current boyfriend. To be honest something deep down inside of me knows he loves me but he has told me straight forward that he isn't emotional and probably never will be. Like all men there are those moments when he surprises me and gives me butterflies the way he use to when our relationship was just starting off but the important thing is I know he holds me in his heart even though his exterior seems cold. I just wish I could open him up a little without making him feel uncomfortable, any suggestions?

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