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And I mean "you" personally. Not what people in general should do.
lucifette lucifette 22-25, F 42 Answers Mar 18, 2011

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I have done that; however, these are the reasons:<br />
<br />
1. Being yelled at and given no chance to answer/defend myself.<br />
2. Being cussed out.<br />
3. Knowing that the above two will happen whereupon the other person will hang up on me without giving me a chance to reply, so I hang up first in order to deal with/prevent #'s 1, 2, and 3.<br />
<br />
That crap gets a little old after 10-plus years.

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I don't ever have this problem with my husband. But in past relationships I did. Then I decided to set a boundary, which is:<br />
<br />
1) If you or I need a "time out to calm down" when on the phone, that's okay. Tell me:<br />
<br />
a) "I am hanging up now and will talk to you after 'I' or 'you' or 'we' calm down."<br />
b) " I love you."<br />
c) click.<br />
<br />
This gives us a chance to calm down and take that 5-30 minute break (slowww breathing) and then we can resume the conversation later without as much tension. But saying "I love you" before hanging up is golden!

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My man and I don't argue often, and especially don't hang up on each other. If he did hang up, I would be shocked... since he doesn't normally evacuate a discussion without closure. I'd wait a few minutes to see if he'd call back until I tried ringing him again. I'd be sad and anxious until it was resolved.

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here's what i think in my mind.... when HE eventually calls back...." ok yea, im great, how about yourself?"<br />
just as nice as can be....but in my mind..... "your times coming...just wait loser, PAYBACKS ARE (YOU-KNOW-WHAT)....' and inevitably the next time he is SUFFERING over WHATEVER the problem of the day is, i will be so emotionally unavailable for him and couldn't care less but i PRETEND like i care. THEN, just when his story gets REALLY good and a moment of his own weakness shines through, i jump at the opportunity ... "um sweety ima hafta call u back, ahh something just came up hon, i'll call you gimme 2 minutes...ok luv ya man bye now i'll call ya." and i totally "forget" about calling him back. later as he ******* about my unreturned call, i just HAPPEN to recall how he RUDELY and purposely hung up on me not too long ago, offering details, so he is sure to remember! "whatcha gone say now? oh i see, it's ok for you but not for me even though i got preoccupied and forgot? that is illogical and unreasonable AT BEST!" he won't have much to say after that.... guarantee it. and i equally guarantee, he will think twice before he acts so immature and foolishly again! <br />
oh, ps, yes mike mos.... in okc! (im the fox he's the DOG...hint hint) i am referring to you! who the hell else is there? oh yea, all my other boyfriends,,,,PLEASE! quit being a freakin nerd! you're no einstein dont try to be, be yourself.

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Oh, that is one thing that drives me crazy and I do not tolerate it. I can forgive it, and understand why someone would do that, but I am not an unreasonable person to talk with. I once had an argument where the woman was out of control. I tried lowering and softening my voice, being calm and non-threaenting and trying to be reasonable and given lots of room, and she hung up. It was a major, major red-flag to me, and that relationship didn't work out. It's called self-control, and you have to not cuss at someone, especially the one you love, nor hang up on them. Stop listening, put the phone away from your ear, but just be calm and wait until they are done, then respond, but do not ever hang up on someone. Just dismiss yourself first as others have said, then agree to talk later. That takes about 5 seconds to do that, and tells puts a nice pause on things, instead of huge doubt. Like someone said, once the tooth paste is out of the tube, you can't put it back in.

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I agree 100% I am not unreasonable either and tried to calm the both of us down when he hung up on me but with him recovering from past anger issues, it just wasn't enough apparently. I forgave him but if it happens again I will give him an ultimatum. I will not be disrespected that way.

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I do nothing, then he calls back. Then i don't answer, bugs the **** out of him.

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Haha!! Yeah same here!

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last time he did it, i called back and asked why...<br />
but i have a tendency to hang up on him if i feel like the conversation is going nowhere. personally, i try not to argue over the phone..

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I have had the walkout and the hang up. I did not do anything. When he calls back, I let the answering system receive the call. I pick up when I feel like it, not at his beckoning call. If he apologizes, then I will answer the phone, but I will not call first. You teach people the way you want to be treated.

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My bf of three years both in our forties. Constantly hangs up on me. I usually call back .. he always says I'm not listening and I am..I tell him.. I can't hear maybe its your phone..I hear anyone else just fine on the phone.. tonight he said clean the wax out of my f...ing ears .. I said stop cussing at me..nicely...he hung up.. I'm tired ..of calling him back..

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I'm in a bit of the same bind. But my boyfriend not only hangs up but turns off his phone too! We haven't spoken since he last did so; should I call him or wait for him to contact me? We've been together for almost 2 years.

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Dont call back. Look at it as a break to decide whats happening: <br />
Is he hanging up to control and avoid YOU?<br />
OR, Is he hanging up to give himself a way out, to avoid escalating or making it worse and to protect himself (and you) from getting emotional or scary?<br />
I become angry and self focused at first. I call MY OWN cell # from my land line and leave a gazillion messages to him (that, of course he'll never hear) to let out steam. At first, when I listen to them, they sound rational. But, listening to them in a calmer fr<x>ame of mind (next day) they sound extremely irrational, and I can laugh when it sinks in that I, too, would probably have hung up. <br />
If you finally assess he is doing it to control you and not to protect your relationship (trust your gut, you KNOW that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach and you know how bullying feels!) then write him off. NO EXCEPTION, Abuse, manipulation and isolation worsen with time. It is not just a character flaw.

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Since I have personal boundaries that I respect, I ask why he hung up and ask him for mature communication in the future. If it happens again, he's forgotten my request and shown that he doesn't care much about it so I end the relationship. I don't hang up on people, he does. Case closed.

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My husband has only done that a few time in our 8 yr relationship. Until recently I believed him when he said that the call just happened to drop during a crucial part of our conversation. I figured it out today that it wasn't a coincidence that his call dropped. So when he tried (numerous times) to call me I refused to answer the calls. I'm still upset with him and giving him the cold shoulder. I just don't know how to handle this kind of disrespect and betrayal of my trust. I don't feel like I want to share with him anything anymore.

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used to throw a complete mental...now call him back..then hang up on him...see how he likes it...its just plain rude

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My boy friend always hang up the phone on me for stupid reasons. Today he did it just because I asked if it was calling him too many times bothering him. I love him but I can't handle this anymore.HM

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I am in this situation right now. We are both 49 years old and should be more mature than to hang up. He came down with a cold and when he is sick the whole world must stop and feel sorry for him. He is supposed to come to my house and sleep here with my son so I can go to work. I called to ask where he was and he acted like he is so totally stressed out by having a cold that he is incapable of considering that life goes on around him. I told him he was self absorbed and he yelled and swore and hung up on me. Two days later and neither of us has made contact. I deserve his respect and after all the work I have given this relationship and tender loving care I have given him I will have it or I will walk. If he doesn't contact me and apologize I will know he doesn't care and never really did. Better for me to find out now.

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My boyfriend hangs up on me everyday. For no reason. I can't stand it I read some of the post and I am just not going to answer anymore. It's rude and rediclous.

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My husband hangs up on me on a regular basis if i ask him hey did you hear what I said? He responds with changing the subject and then accusing me of not listening instead of saying hey honey can you tell me again and respond to what I said. He then accuses me of never listening to him and disrespecting him. If men knew that listening to their wife is proven to reduce stress levels by reducing cortisol levels and is the greatest way they can communicaate love. If only men knew how much comfort a response would be thanks for sharing that. I have communicated to my husband I don't appreciate him hanging up on me. He usually repents and then promises not to do it again. But he hangs up on me at least 3-4 times a week. In the past I have had wrong responses of keep calling and keep texting him until he calls me back. I am at the point that I just want to cut the relationship off totally for a while. A man will not change unless he knows that you will not tolerate abusive behavior. I have tolerated it for years. I understand after reading two books Disarming a Narcissist and Why Does He Do That, inside the mind of angry and controling men" that it is not my fault that he mistreats me. Giving my husband time or more time being separated from him or not seeing him could be the answer for him to have time to be able to think through and think about his unkind treatment of me. I really don't think that doing the same thing back to him is the answer. I believe telling him in love this hurts please stop doing it. If he continues to do it then it is my responsibility to take care of myself and not subject myself to his constant disrespect. I am loveable kind and worth being treated with love and kindness. I get the feeling that my husband just wants to get me to shut up. He tells me constantly that I talk to much he hates that. If I don't agree with his opinion then he is angry and he starts criticizing me for not listening to him. I really don't want to listen to him when he is so critical and unkind and when he is being destructive and emotionally abusive.

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I think its disrespectful, abusive and it makes me extremely mad. I won't put up with it!<br />
I won't answer when he calls back. And we'll see who wins!

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I think it's a ridiculous thing to do on the part of the man in a relationship; and mine does it anytime he and i argue over the phone. pretty non-masculine for an army guy honestly. However, it's a control thing he thinks he has over me because I'm not as quick to anger as he can be.... I always try to be the bigger person and he knows it. After this recent episode- I will not let him disrespect me or my effort I put into constructive disagreement/arguing. I'm movin' out.

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