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What to do??
thatspecialsomeone thatspecialsomeone 31-35, F 14 Answers Jan 15 in Parenting & Family

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fr<x>ame her first. Get her drunk and bring in some loser to **** her and take pictures. Then show her what you have and dare her to **** with you.

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Fix it now before it hurts the both of you further. Communication. <br />
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Being kind to her isn't likely to work. Neither is showing her indifference. Or putting up with it.<br />
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What you need to do first is learn who she is, what she wants and why she treats you this way.<br />
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Put your put down first and be assertive, gain her respect through that. Then give her compassion and love. But don't let her walk on you. It WILL get worse if you don't correct it now.

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Just know that it's not your fault. Being a stepmother is brutal.

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Thank you-it really is. I am sure being a stepdaughter is no picnic but I still honestly think it is waaay easier than being the stepmom. I've been both!

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She's 19.... Why do you tolerate that? You should talk to her Dad and both of you should give her an ultimatum... Treat you both with respect and appreciate the home you've given her... or move out. I wouldn't tolerate that from my own kids.

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I agree completely. Actually, I didn't have to even give an ultimatum, I think I got pretty lucky because she stormed out to move in with her boyfriend after I confronted her about pushing my year old daughter to the floor. She would not apologize or acknowledge that she had done anything inappropriate. Anyway, she is at college now, about 8 hours away, but honestly it is not far enough, whenever she is in town I get anxiety and the main trouble is at family gatherings. I will not be alone with her or let her be around my kids after some of the things she has said and done, I wont even be around her when it's her dad and I because I honestly and afraid she would try to frame me for something. She is particularly interested in her inheritance and has mentioned it on several occasions. Anyway sorry, just ranting! Thanks for your comment :-)

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Inheritance from you, or her Dad? She's entitled to nothing from you, that should go to your kids, not his.

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From her dad, but the trouble is my work is in support of the LLC that HIS kids trust owns. And I work for free basically. So in other words, my efforts to grow and support our company are only lining HIS kids pockets for the future. It's pretty messed up if you ask me, especially considering the way she treats me....

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Hmmm.... That sucks!

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Stop and just calm down. Many parents like you suffer from the same problem. You just have to find more common interests with her and be more understanding, give her more space. Don't force her to like you, she can't if she refuses to. Just be yourself and be able to let her relate to you and you being able to relate to you.<br />
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Show that you actually care for her and love her as well. She just needs to know you love her. Just don't hate her back. Let her hate you if she must, but you must love her. Show her your love and care and support.<br />
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Show that you can be like any other mother. Just don't force it.<br />
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Good luck. ...im just 14 I have no experience

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Thank you for the advice, it's appreciated.

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Im sorry if it doesn't help. But that is what my stepmother did with me. She showed me she loved me and there was no way I could hate her for that.

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Well you sound like a nice normal girl. I don't think my stepdaughter is nice, or normal.....I wish she was like you!

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I think she is. You don't believe it, thats why she doesn't believe you could ever be like a real mother. I'm pretty sure she is just in denial that another person like you was forced into her life. But trust me and do as I say. She is nice. You are just thinking of nurture over nature too much. It is a humans nature to love and care, and to accept love from others. I trust that you can be a great mother.

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Kill her... with kindness :)<br />
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(Be extra nice to her, don't give her a reason to hate.. take the high road, but stay out of her way)

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Well, I hope that doesn't happen to you.

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Me too....I worry....her dad thinks I am just being paranoid, but I swear he is like putty to her. She is very manipulative.

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If she tries to frame you in anyway, keep evidence, video, anything, I've been accused of things i never said or done which could have had dreadful consequences.

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did you meet her before marrying her dad ?

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Yes. She used to love me, and then I lost my job and her dad lost the farm and went bankrupt, now she hates us, mostly me, she even told her boyfriend that I was trying to poison her dad.

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ah ok that explains a lot . she's 19 why is she still in the house . Don't she know a lot of people are having it hard but that would mean she would have to stop thinking only of herself

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I think she is actually a narcissist, not uncommon I guess for her age...She just left for college and whenever she spends all her money on tattoos she calls her dad and screams at him about what a terrible father he is because he never helps her with anything, and she blames it on me because the year before we married he netted about $500,000 and the next year lost the farm and went broke.

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yikes sooo you all created that monster

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Wasn't me! It was her dad, he really spoiled her because he felt so sorry for her all the time. He is just barely starting to realize what she has become.

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yeah we fathers do spoil our daughters . he's just barely realizing it ...lmbo

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3 More Responses

Not a good relationship to have with a step. Maybe you can talk to her about why you think, or know ... she hates you?

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Every time I have tried talking with her in the past she just blows up. The nicer I am to her, the more she hates me. She posts it on facebook, and the only time she is nice to me or her father is when she wants money. Her dad always falls for it too....

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