I can't afford counselling for him and I don't know what to do. We've tried rewards and putting him on a schedule.. nothing works. He's nearly apathetic about the whole thing and says he doesn't know when he has to go. He lies about everything too. I don't know what to do, it's such an awful behavior! I feel like the worst mom in the whole world... Maybe I am, but that doesn't mean my kid's life should suck just because I do... I don't even know what to ask... :(
1invisible1 1invisible1 26-30, F 13 Answers Jun 15, 2011

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take him to the doctor

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I agree....He could have a tear in hui colon.....If that doesn't get taken care of while he's young he will suffer with it the rest of his life.....Sometimes it's NOT a behavioral problem....

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Scheduled for Monday :)

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My 5 year old is doing exactly the same but he knows when he's doing it, it can be any time of day. At school, in the car, at home. He knows he will get into trouble for it but he doesnt say a thing just carries on as normal until i notice the smell!! We've had everything checked out medically. I do clean him up because if I don't he can't manage it himself it's that bad sometimes! I've tried spanking, rewards. Loss of privilages, making him sit on the toilet for long periods, sending him to bed the lot!! HELP I really am at a loss

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My son ended up needing Mirilax. He really couldn't help it. I guess it started with ADHD meds... Anyhow if you've had him checked I'm afraid I can't help. Check out the literature on encopresis though. because that was the diagnosis that led to the Mirilax. Also (much like when toilet training a younger child) you may want to force him to sit on the potty and try to go several times a day. It sounds absurd, but it really works. What really motivated my son was magnesium citrate... Once we got him cleaned out, if he did it I made him drink that. If you've ever had any it sounds really mean, but he only had to do it four times or so and I think the nasty taste is a good counter to the possible social ramifications. :) Good luck! I feel your pain!

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my 8 and a half year old son is doing the same,its very hard and frustrateing when you have no idea at all why they are doing it,dont blame yourself though,it aint your fault your child is doing this,ive tried allsorts,ive tried punishment,grounding him,and even takeing his favourite things away from him but we still have this problem now,its been on going for around 2 year,its not everyday but at least 3/4 times a week,what can i do,i no its not a illness or a problem for the doctor , i think its lazyness to be honest and it seems to be more in boys than in girls doing this,,dont blame yourself,,im sure they will just overcome this matter themselfs..very stressful...

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I really feel for you my step son is the same age and exactly the same we get lies and never clean underpants he doesn't seem to care that he smells and would rather sit in it than tell us. We've been to doctors x he tried to tell us he couldn't feel it which was lies too at the end of my teather too hugs x

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There are places that will help you without a fee.

My Mother solved this probablem with a grand child with a good old fashioned spanking. He never did it again. I am NOT suggesting that. See a pro.

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I'm not sure and i'm not an expert but i think its possible that this thing happens when you spoil a kid too much or treat him like a baby.

btw i had a habit of using bottles for drinking milk even when i was about 2 (i think), the reason why i stopped because some adult (not my parents) scared me. that my teeth would be ugly and i would look like a person (who i thought is ugly) that i know of before.

i think spoiling and spoon feeding children makes them Weak. and I hate my parents for that

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Although I can see how it might seem that way, I don't think we do. He might be though, I'll monitor and adjust as necessary.

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mess like pee or poop? if he pees his pants alot, he could have a urinary infection. i'd take him to his pediatrician for a urine test to be sure. if he has a urinary infection & it goes untreated, it could lead to kidney problems. or is it liver problems? one of the two, i forget which. my daughter had accidents every day at school & it went on for months, before i complained about the amount of laundry i had because of it to someone who happenned to be a nurse. she suggested it might be a urinary infection, & was right. after the antibiotics, she never had another accident. i was also pretty pissed that the school didn't bring it up sooner, i am a first time mom, & they are supposed to be able to tell me when something is not normal.

if its poop, it could just be laziness. i had a friend whose son pooped his pants almost every day, same age. one day she finally had enough, & beat his butt with a belt. she told him she'd do it again every time she got a call about him pooping his pants. and that was the last time he pooped in his pants.

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Both. I'm taking him to the MD on Monday. My husband has spanked him although all the data I've ever seen shows that spanking is highly overrated and inneffective so... I guess if it works practically for someone... It hasn't helped at all in my son's case though:(

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The big question is: do you clean up after him? I studied behavior modification, and maybe your son is sort of being reinforced by this. This may sound very weird, but he may even be using this to get attention, so its positively reinforced. Or he may be getting away from having to actually walk to the bathroom because you negatively reinforce him by not punishing him and cleaning after him.

I would try the following: next time he does this, take him to the bathroom, calmly (!) tell him that if he does this again and doesnt use the bathroom, he'll have to clean up after himself (calmly because if you start getting nervous and emotional, thats like providing him with attention). then tell him to clean up after himself immediately. If he refuses, keep him there until he does it, and dont fight or get emotional. show him what he has to do next time (literally immitate him: walk to the bathroom and sit on the toilet then pretend like you're using toilet paper etc. Do this every time he soils his pants, without intermission, immediately, and never give in and clean up after him. I say try this for the next 3 weeks - 1 month, or longer, he needs to learn the behavior.

i wouldnt jump to conclusions that he might have developmental issues...although I agree thats its worth going to the doctor to get it checked out, def should be the first option. But in the meantime you can train him this way. I know it probably sounds like training a puppy or smth, but thats how kids learn....especially such behaviors.

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Heck no I don't clean it up. :) I don't feel that it is appropriate for the opposite gender parent to help a child above around 4 with bathroom issues. He does this himself. I do my very best to keep calm, and could not do so if I were to try to clean it up. I don't have to argue with him. Other than this issue he is a very respectful young man. He does what he is told and says please, thank you... It's a huge inconvenience for him every time it happens because he must immediately stop what he is doing to use the restroom and clean himself up, and then do the laundry... I'll have dad walk him through the bathroom process for the next few times we have an issue and see if this helps. We are going to the doctor on Monday, but I'm sure it will just be a "nothing's wrong, this is a behavior" visit...

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check the ingredients in what he eats.








hydrogenated starch hydrolysates (HSH) – a family of sweeteners including hydrogenated glucose syrup, maltitol or sorbitol syrup


or even lactose intolerance.

if he or she is intolerant to any of these you can get the problem.

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