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ITALIUNGRL ITALIUNGRL 51-55 10 Answers Feb 4, 2013 in Alcoholism

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don't know bout high functioning<br />
but he's definitely an alcoholic by clinical standards<br />
....good luck with that

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Clinical standards?

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Google clinical standards, alcoholic

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What is a high functioning alcoholic?

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Well he's a "Professional Applications Developer" and can go to work every day after being up till 3 am drinking. Never drinks and drives, drinks at home, know one really knows nor would they suspect.

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Hmmm, does he drink until he passes out, or just have the few drinks he likes?

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Never passes out,nor blacks out, nor leaves the house, Does get very defensive and argumentative, Doesn't think he has a problem because he can go to work and function. I see a problem looming on the horizon. Can go through a case of beer in a week plus 2 bottles of liquor in 2 1/2.

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I'm sure a problem can develop. For now, I guess, I am comparing him to my ex, who went through a case of 24, in a day and two or three 40 bottles of liquor in a week.

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Oh, yeah, and still held a job, until he decided supporting him was my job.

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If he drinks that much every other night, he is an alcoholic by definition

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you have heard correctly already that by clinical definition, he IS already an alcoholic.. there is no doubt that, like ALL alcoholics, the 'disease' will affect many areas of life - none of them for the good. <br />
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if by "high functioning" you mean he is able, for the time being, to maintain a job, you have to realize that as life become more difficult *like adding children and other stresses) he will be forced to choose between drinking and performing welll in areas such as work AND parenting, and guess what he will choose? ask any addict...<br />
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If you are questioning whether you really want to move forward with a person with an alcohol addiction - you are being very smart. Most addicts will not even begin to admit they have an 'issue' until the addiction has ruined major portions of their life, of not all areas of their life. what areas of your life are you willing to trade for his addiction? <br />
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Imagine being married, and wanting a social life... nope - gets in the way of his need to self medicate. <br />
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Imagine you want him to spend quality time with the kids - evenings, weekends, extended periods like vacations... good luck, his need to self medicate won't let him.<br />
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Imagine babies crying at midnight, 2 am, 4 am... and he is 'self-medicated'<br />
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all areas of life will come second to his need to self medicate, until he realizes the cost is too high. many never do realize.<br />
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this doesn't even begin to cover the very real health and financial impacts of chronic drinkers. <br />
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YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK ASKING THESE QUESTIONS - DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND SERIOUSLY CONSIDER THE ANSWER. <br />
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WHY does he need to 'self medicate', to change his state of mind and being, so regularly? you KNOW there is a reason... there is always a reason <br />
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this response was not meant to be judgmental or harsh - I truly hope the best for you, but as a professional that works in a field where i regularly help families pick up the pieces from these types of dysfunctions, I would suggest the best thing you could tell him would be something like, "I really love you, and see so much in you I really like and respect, but I cannot see myself sharing a life with someone who is living with an addiction - I will help and support you in dealing with it, but I will not share my life with it,"

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Talking to him about it is pointless, hes never wrong, his opinion is always the best. Seems to be quite defensive about everything even when hes not drinking. He has gone though 2 bad marriages would love to ask the first wife. But probably not a good idea. Comes from a very religious family claims ot be a devot christain, doesnt want his parents knowing he drinks or lives with someone. Hes in his late 40's . I do see the pattern of drinking more becuase its taking more to get that buzzed feeling for him I guess, especially when drinking lite beer. He has stated he wants to cut back then keeps on..

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this is a story I have seen over and over, and there is nothing you can do to help him. Sometimes, by 'leaving him' you send a wake-up message - he seems to have had a number of these messages already - but so far the cost of quitting has been higher then the cost of continuing... even when it is in direct conflict with his own value system. If you are not ready to leave him over this - then one thing you can do is join a group like al-anon, a group descibing itself like this:
Al-Anon is self-help recovery program for people who believe their lives may have been affected by someone else's drinking. We come together to find help and support in dealing with the effects of alcoholism on our lives. The single purpose of these programs is to help families and friends of alcoholics, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.

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yep

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Having a drink ....especially for a regular sized guy usually wouldn't be enough to be intoxicated.

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Thing is, its taking more and more to catch that buzz feeling for him, I don't drink and since hes drinking light Beer thinks hes doesn't have a problem.

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Well light beer refers to calories rather than alcohol. But at this age, how one chooses to live ones life is usually pretty set...so if he just likes to drink a bit....that's his norm. If it bothers you...perhaps he shouldn't be your boyfriend. Just drinking doesn't mean you are a alcoholic. It may not be the healthiest past time ...but it's not uncommon to drink a few times a week.

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Its every other night.. And not just a couple at least 6-8 Beers and shots

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It's excessive ...still doesn't mean he's an alcoholic. If he thinks it's no issue, there's nothing you can do really. I know that's not what one wants to hear...but he has to make his own choices.

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If not yet, he soon will be. Fact. And high-functioning leads to low-functioning problems sooner or later.

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