A fiance moves with her man to a new job. A girlfriend lives her own life

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I could not come up with a better reply that this. Props to Babz

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Thank you Sweet-thing

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hats down

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I feel so popular! I may get a new haircut!

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Morning my Serb

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so I should give up a man who could become my husband in the future because he hasn't asked me prematurely? I don't know about you, but I don't have good men knocking down my door to get dates, especially handsome hardworking decent men that I could love passionately. so what if he's the one? I should just forget about him cuz we aren't ready for marriage or engagement yet, I'm confused, do you really believe this? would you do that? break up with a man you love because he's moving, but isn't yet ready for engagement?

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You didn't seek an answer- you saught validation of your position. Perhaps you will become more attractive as a life-mate if he has a taste of life without you so easily accessable. Once you move with him he has NO incentive to slip a ring on you finger.

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I disagree with BabzEsq24, particularly the part "Once you move with him he has NO incentive to slip a ring on you finger" -I think that is ridiculous and a very old-fashioned way of thinking. No incentive? Men ask women all the time to marry them, even if they are living together. You don't have to live hours away from someone to have incentive to marry them. Yes a girlfriend lives her own life, so does a fiance, so does a wife. Who says she can't live her own life in an other town or city? I personally think that she could benefit from giving up the safety net of her home town and experience living in another place.

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we are already living together and have been for over a year. I would NEVER marry someone I hadn't lived with first! y

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we already live together, and have been for over a year. I would NEVER marry someone who I hadn't lived with first. if you do that you never know what you're really getting when you marry them, but if you live together first you'll know that you can live together happily. the only incentive he needs to ask me to marry him, is the desire to marry me, you can't manipulate someone into proposing, you do that and the marriage will never work. even if I was ready to get married, I'm not the type of woman who withholds things, including myself & my love to get something I want, like a ring & proposal. if I was to leave him cuz he hadn't yet proposed to me before the move, what kind of woman would that make me? I don't want to be like that, I want him to ask me because he's ready and wants to, not because I won't go with him if he doesn't.

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I'm not seeking validation of any particular position, I just happen to see flaws in your reasoning. and I was serious before when I asked you what you would do. would you give up someone you love because they were moving and not yet ready to get engaged? would you give it all up because of distance?

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If love will evaporate over hours it seems rather fragile to me

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I say go with him. You can't be scared and shelterd all your life. Go out and experience something new.

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you're right, I am very sheltered in some ways.

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I say give it a try if you really see yourself having a future with this person then you may have to sacrifice your safety net to be with him. Leaving everything you know behind can be incredibly scary, but it could be the adventure of your life. You can always come back.

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I do see a future with him, more than anyone else I've ever met. in my heart I know all the things you say are right. fear can cloud things sometimes. but you're right, I shouldn't stop my life just so I can stay in a safe little bubble & routine in this town of mine. after all, great risk offers great rewards right?! & if you don't take the chance nothing good will ever happen, sure awful things might not happen either, but neither will wonderful things, & I guess that's the chance we take with love.

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I think you should. You have said that you have already lived with him so you know him well and you know that you can live together. I'm in a similar position to you right now, my boyfriend lives interstate and I have decided to move over there with him. Only difference is that we haven't lived together yet, so I don't really know what it will be like (they say that you truely get to know someone when you have lived with them for a while) I will be leaving my home town, family and friends and I don't know anyone over there other than him, but I am going to do it and if it doesn't work out, I can always come back. I think it is worth taking the risk and as for myself, I know that there will be more opportunities for me over there than here in my home town. It's natural to feel scared but you never know unless you try.

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Hell yeah you should go, but only if you want to. If not, don't go.

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that's the problem, I want him, and to be with him, but in some ways, I also want to stay here. I'm torn. I will probably go, after all I can't stop living my life and give up the man I love because he's moving & because I'm worried and scared about the outcome.

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Why not? My partner of 7 years lived in the same town her whole life and her entire family is there, sisters, brothers, mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents and all and I decided to move over 200 miles away just because I wanted to live by the sea. She moved as she wanted to try something new and she is pleased that she did now. We drive down to see her family about once every 6 weeks or something and it's like weve not even been away.

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but your woman's family was all together, they had each other, my mom would be alone here without me, and that's one of the biggest fears I have, leaving her alone and her not being okay without me. she says I can't not live my life because I'm worried about her, but I still do worry. if she had someone else here, like my sister or someone I wouldn't be so worried, but she'd be alone without me, I don't know. it's like I'm being torn in two I have so much love for my mom, and want to make sure she's okay, but I love my bf too and want a life with him, and want to have my own life. I just feel like I owe it to my mom to take care of her and I can't escape that dread of leaving her alone especially since she's getting older and she isn't all that healthy.

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Ok, if she's alone then she will move to the same town you might be moving too. You never know, it might be just what she needs. I know my parents are sick to death of where they live and desperately are trying to sell the house so they can move.. Funny enough, they are moving to the same place I now live! As after they seen what I now had they wanted it too.

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she just bought a house here. so she's staying even if I leave, this is the place she loves, and wants to live until she passes onto the next life.

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Well, not to sound harsh but the place she loves and wants to stay for the rest of her years might not be the place you love and want to live out the rest of your life or your partner, that's her choice, you have to have your choice too. If this job is the is the only option for you both to progress and build your own lives then you have to take that chance. You can always return later, this job isn't you gone for good, he could be moved back again in a couple of years or find another job closer to what you call home again. You won't know till you try, but I'm sure you don't want to run the risk of losing your relationship over this and then ending up alone once your mother has passed onto the next life. You really don't get many chances in life.

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