Hi catriver11,<br />
I totally empathise with you. I too had a boyfriend like that. <br />
I left my friends and family behind to go and start a new life abroad. He's never trusted me. Imagine going through constant accusations for almost 6 years. While abroad, I got to know more about him and his ways. He became worse, he deterred me with job opportunities that came my way as he wa scared that a new job would mean he wouldn't see me and would meet new people and perhaps, meet someone. He i stopped clubbing, not so much for him, it was a mutual decision. Kind of a been there done that reason. I wasn't dying to go. Anway, he accused me x amount of times of cheating, lying etc. I wasn't allowed male friends. He was even uncomfortable with me being around his friends, thinking something might happen between myself and one of his friends, so to prevent anything happening, he wouldn't let me sit with them when they were around. I would basically sit in the bedroom. It wasn't so bad as I wasn't dying to converse with his friends anyway, I would simply read a book or watch tv. It wasn't a big deal. But that's besides the point, it's the reasoning behind it. I allowed all of this, plus more. He was controlling every aspect of my life. If he could put me in his pocket, he would. The last straw for me was when I returned home from a night out, finally went out, my friends dropped me off near our apartment, but not in the driveway as it's difficult for them to drive back out, so I hopped out before the driveway. I heard russling noises near the apartment, and heard a voice say "who dropped you off" he actually got a chair from the house and a bottle of water, and sat there for God knows how long and waited for me to come home to see who was dropping me off. Take note, I'm in a very hot country. I have no idea how long he was waiting but it was pretty scary. Anyway, we went upstairs, and he started to throw all of my belongings outside the door. EVERYTHING was thrown outside. And I was left there staring at this monster. He obviously didn't believe me that it wasn't guy/guys that dropped me off home and that it was my female friends! He believed what was in his sick mind! I was left outside for around 15 minutes, sitting there like a dog! I've never felt so small in all my life. How dare he do this when he knows I have no where to go, I wouldn't want tk burden my friends and stay as I don't really know them well enough. So then he left the door open after 1/2 hour, meaning to "come in" so I grabbed all my clothes, shoes, accessories, everything, and put them back inside in my head, I'm already planning my escape. I stayed about 1 week, back and forth about what to do as 6 years is a long time and I've invested a lot of effort and time, but I couldn't live and be with a man who has no respect and who is mentally abusive. Trust me, it will get worse, unless your bf is willing to go for therapy. When there is no trust in a relationship, it wil
He's overly jealous and controlling. Find a better guy.
Same situation. my husband of 5 years says the same exact thing!! The truth is he really is scared to loose you to someone. He does care about you alot. He may be insecure and not have high self esteem. He probably will say if you asked that you deserve the best and he is scared he can't give u what u deserve. In my situation i always assure him im not leaving him for anyone, that he is more than enough for me, no other man can do for me what you do. im in this for the long run. Controlling and obsession in the beginning is okay but break the bad habit somehow or Ur not going to be too happy. There is such thing as having a life why in love. Good luck.
exactly. I would add those things I've said as well in my reply but this is how it was, low self esteem and a general disconnect from myself. I wasn't even aware that I was doing it. If she had let me continue without challenging it I can't imagine what would have happened. I don't know if I would have mellowed out or become even more monstrous. Day by day you become more comfortable with things that if you were to tell them all, would sound crazy to someone else.
When people don't trust with no reason it's usually coz they are guilty of something...he knows u shouldn't trust him so he acts like u have done something wrong....if u are worried he might hurt u physically get out, it's not worth it. Find someone who respects u and will treat u like a princess.
Well,i personally think that this thing i.e doubt,suspicion doesnt involves love.When you are in a relationship,your bf must trust you that you love him only...no matter how much you talk to other guys,that doesnt mean you are flirting with them or anything else.Tell him to trust you if really loves you and that freedom is the biggest thing a guy can give to a girl being in a relationship if he truely loves her. U don't do that thing with him,isn't it? Den why he would.
It sounds as if he's very insecure, jealous and controlling. He's not going to change.<br />
Unless he were to seek professional help, I would say it was time for you to leave before you get physically hurt.
If you are afraid of him you probably shouldnt be with him.
He simply might not understand your motives. I personally don't see the appeal to nightclubs if your underage. And boys tend to be hormone crazed which is perhaps why he wants you to avoid them. Just saying, I don't personally think he's being abusive or controlling. He just doesn't seem to get why you want to.
I was like this, very possessive. <br />
She changed me by threatening to leave over it. <br />
In hindsight it's a terrible behavior but I wasn't really aware of it, it was something I was doing without noticing. <br />
I'm not actually that insecure, I can't explain why I did it in the first place but I come from a very broken family where my Dad left, some of my brothers and sisters left. <br />
Try to understand people - some of us have separation anxiety, poor backgrounds, etc. We don't even know we have this behavior, we just want to keep the things we love.<br />
But it's no way to treat another human being who isn't a toy. That's how it appears to me now, now that I'm past it. It's a sickness and while I have heard the odd story where people become abusive that's just one possible evolution of a person which depends on their other experiences I suppose.<br />
I can't fathom behaving that way now, so much about me has changed over the years but you should not accept it.<br />
You have to let him know that he will lose you if he doesn't loosen his grip. <br />
That's what he's trying to avoid so that's the direction he will work in.<br />
If you have to leave, leave. He will probably change very quickly and beg forgiveness - OR he'll wallow in self pity and never grow out of it but you can't stay in that situation.<br />
I had to become more respecting of myself in order to move past that period of my life. As a result I respect her more as well and we are still married 17 years later.
My boyfriend doesn't call me anymore,,,does he still love me??
I dont know the reason as to why he doesnt trust you, but you should find out why. You sound like you dont want to be in a serious relationshipwhen i have serious relationships i cut out the clubbing, i hang out with my friend that are couples to cut out fights. If i want to go to a club or bar, he comes with me. He is my man i want to show of what i haveand specially now that we are engaged we want to enjoy life and were it takes us. It doesnt get negitive unless if you let it. Without Trust, ,honestly, loyalty, you both shouldnt be in a serious relationship.