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We've been together 6 months and have gotten very close but he admitted that he is afraid of letting anyone get too close to him which is why none of his relationships in the past have lasted very long. He told me weeks ago he was trying to overcome this and is ready to grow up and settle down. Well we got into a huge argument yesterday and we exchanged a few words which he made comments that made it sound like he didn't care anymore and he was trying to push me away or get me turned off from being with him any longer. I tried to reason with him to work out our problems but he didn't seem interested. Do I throw in the towel or what? Is it worth it? We haven't talked since. Should I call him or wait till he's calmed down? I've never dealt with this sort of crap before so I am completely lost as to what to do.
lucifette lucifette 22-25, F 15 Answers Feb 5, 2011

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My boyfriend and I are going threw the same thing right now. Been together for 7 months and he's afraid of getting hurt, argue alot. All I do is talk to him. Let him know that I'm not going to hurt him. Weather he believes it or not. Don't wait for him to contact you, it'll make him feel like you don't care. Contact him and tell him exactly how you feel. Men are very difficult to understand some times. But if you too truely do love each other things will work out for the best. Every relationship has there problems, it's all about how people handle them. Best of luck!

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Lol well things worked out and he's my husband now. No more pushing me away.

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Sometimes stepping back and letting things be helps to difuse the situation. Don't hang around and wait for him, go out with friends, have some you time and allow him to come to you. Try not to sit by the phone and wait for him to call or call him. If he is serious about the relationship he will contact you. Just make sure that when he does you bring up your honest feelings on how you are feeling. But, realize the inner work he has to do is something you can't help him with, that is his own to do. The more you try to help and offer suggestions the more he will push you away. <br />
You may also have to step back and think if this is the type of relationship that is really the best for you, are you willing to give up a healthy, loving relationship that is waiting out there for you in order to wait for him to change? Its not giving up its called taking responsibilty for yourself and finding a mutual loving relationship. Some relationships are toxic to us no matter how much we may love the person.

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im in the same boat as you me and my boyfriend have been together just over 4 months and we went in full on straight away and he moved in with me 2 months into our relationship and everything seemed to be going great and then all of a sudden he kept threatening to move out and that he isn't happy and when I got upset he told me he only said it cos he was angry!! I feel like we take 2 steps forward and he has to do something that throws us 10 steps back and im constantly trying to make things right. he asked me to move into his mums and we planned to do it next weekend and today he said he doesn't think we should live together. I don't know what to do either I love him to pieces and he makes me happy and when we get on we get on really well but he keeps pushin away from me and I don't know what to do!!

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im going through the same thing i split up with my boyfriend in june because it wasnt working out . But I love him to pieces i no hes the one for me i kept harrasing him for months but then i eventually gave up and fount a new boyfriend . and as soon as that happend he came back and i didnt really feel anything for my new boyfriend and i new my ex was the one i wanted to be with . so we got back together this christmas and we was both so happy . now a couple of weeks on hes changed he keeps pushing me away,telling me he wants to see his friends more amd go out and party without me . I only get to see him on a wednesday night and weekends because hes working but now he wants to se his mates at the weekend and not me . ive tried to tell him how i feel but it just esculates into a big argument . whenever he snaps at me i just have to reply with "ok" because whatever i say to him he has a go at me . i thought this second chance would make him realise but it doesnt hes such a stubborn person . i love him so much but i feel like he doesnt care about me anymore he keeps pushing me and he blames everything on me i want to give up but i dont no what to do :/ ???????????? need answers

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I'm in the same spot. My fiancé has anger problems too, and I tried to talk to him about our issues and it set him off. He hadn't spoken to me for a week except to say that he hates his life. He turns it around on me, saying he can't make me happy, and that that's what's going on. To me out sound like he's trying to find a way out of this relationship but he wants me to be the one to end it so he can continue being angry, and I don't know how much longer I can hang on.

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I don't have an answer. I am lost. I feel neglected. I feel like I just irritate him. He pushes me away most of the time. I don't know if its worth it to stay if I am constantly afraid he will leave. If this is a rubber band thing... Will he ever snap back? It hurts because I think I am just making it worse. Because I feel this way, I tend to get clingy, or I'm constantly overlooking myself trying to make him happy. I can't stop myself from being extreme so I back off and then he gets upset with me. * sigh. I don't know if there is any chance left for us anymore.... *confused.

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Hi there, I was reading your post with interest as I am in the same position. Tell me, how long had you known him before you were his girlfriend and how long had you been his girlfriend when you wrote the post? I think it takes a while of knowing someone for it to be true love. Also, what did you do in the end? Just completely not contact him and then he came around? Glad you got married and hope you can answer my questions. Thank you.

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I knew him for two months before I became his girlfriend and when I was, we were six months in when this happened. It probably does take a while of knowing someone but at times what you see is what you get so all that time isn't necessary.
In all honesty I don't remember what happened but I think we went a week or so without talking and then I messaged everyone in my phone contacts because I got my phone turned back on (it was shut off at this point and I was communicating with him by house phone) so I sent a mass text and he responded with a "hey what you doin?" like nothing had happened. Don't remember what happened after that to be honest.
Hope things work out with you and your man.

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I'm glad you and your now husband worked things out. My bf is going through a stressful time: he's in some debt and he lost his job (he finally started a new one yesterday) and he has been acting "weird" lately. He is a single dad, so he really needs money to support his child. He still doesn't want to tell me where is he working now (at least the city) and he is going through mood swings. One day he is nice, the next day he's kind of rude. I'm not sure of how to handle it. I would like to leave him, but then he contacts me back and there I go again. It's kind of long distance and low budget. He lives an hour away. We have been dating 4 months. We see each other every 2 weeks on average.

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You've made it pretty clear to him that you want to reason with him.<br />
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If he were desperately in love with you, he would be contacting you.<br />
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You don't need to give up, but it's his turn to do something if he wants a relationship with you. If he does nothing, you haven't lost a very loving person.

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You're right. My friends tell me to give up but this is just the first time he's done this. Something inside tells me to wait until he straight up says "I don't want you" then I'll back out of his life. I just need answers =/

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In the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, the author makes an interesting comparison - that women are like waves, men are like rubber bands. He is saying that in terms of need or want for intimacy, men sometimes pull away, as they grapple with whatever issues are on their minds. Then, as their needs for intimacy return, they come back. I don't know who all reads this book or the extent to which they believe in what the author says, but I know I have experienced this cyclical effect in myself in the past.

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Well looks like you're willing to change your man and mold him into what he needs to be. With that being said men are not clay. What you have is what you get. certainly people change over time but anger problems? I wouldn't touch that one. If you can honestly say right now today that I can see him married to me and raising a family the way he is now then maybe its not so bad. If you answer yes but if he changes ....... then you have problems.

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I understand he is what he is. If he gets angry I'm fine with it...as long as we work things out. He has to be willing to communicate. We did talk about a possible future if things worked out. Now I'm somewhat turned off by his sudden behavior and I have no idea if it's temporary or not. I'd rather deal with anger than indifference, you know? Thank you for your input.

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I would leave it for a couple of weeks to see if he cares enough to contact you. If he does then ask him why he doesn't want anyone too close to him. You can say that if the relationship is to go anywhere then you have both got to be honest and trusting and open. If either of you are holding back anything then there is always that nagging fear at the back of your mind that you will get found out, and your relationship will always be on the edge. He might not like what you've got to say, and you might not like what he has to say. Then you have to step back and work out if you both can live with it (if there is anything). If you can, put it behind you, never mention it again or throw it up in an arguement.. Get on with living. If an outsider knows of the problem and decides to throw it up to you. All you need do is say yes I know we have no secrets from one another, so go away and stop trying to cause a rift between us.

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You're right. Our relationship cannot always be on edge. Just a few weeks ago he told me that our relationship is already much better than his past ones because of how honest we are with each other. It's like he had some sort of glitch in his brain and lost it. So confused. Unfortunately we both are stubborn people and so far nobody has made a move since yesterday. I'm hoping for the best. Thanks for the advice.

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Does he love you?<br />
Does she show it?<br />
Why do you think you need to be there?<br />
Should you be there for every brake down?<br />
Ask yourself this N get back with me.

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Yes, he told me he loved me for the first time last month and he shows it. It's the usual "when things are good, everything's perfect" type of thing. I'm willing to be there when he has issues as long as he's willing to work with me. Why I think I need to be there...I have to think some more about that one. We haven't been together long enough for me to deal with this I don't think.

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