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I've caught him several times before and explained that this affects our relationship in a very serious way, because even though they are little things, he is still lying. It makes it hard for me to trust him about the big things, though at the moment, I don't think he would cheat on me or anything like that and I don't think he has ever done so. We've been together over three years. I just don't like being lied to! Why do you think he does this, and do you think this means it will get worse? Is it possible to have a real relationship with someone who lies, even if it is just about stupid stuff? The stupid stuff includes things like where he had lunch, and other strange useless things to lie about.
jenesequa jenesequa 26-30 62 Answers Oct 25, 2008

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My ex used to lie about little things occasionally. Then it was little things, stupid little things, ALL the time, everything I asked was answered with a lie or a shrug of the shoulders. Then I found out how bad it really was. He had a BIG secret that he had been hiding for a long time and then ended up lying to my face when he was caught red handed...and still denies it. The sad thing is he actually believes everything he said. He would emphasize stories and blame everything on me. And if I disagreed with anything he would lay the guilt on thick to the point that I was scared he was gonna kill himself or turn around and freak out on me. <br />
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YES it is a warning sign.

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My ex is the same way as yours was that is why I had to give him the title of ex. He lies to me about being "sleeping" and when I would ask him what he was doing sometime he would say hw but people would see him at the gym. He even told me he got shot once and had me worried sick. The latest thing that happened was that he went on a field trip with a girl and denied it, he has **** and I saw it but he denied it was his, he sits next to yet another girl in class and I have pictures of this bc my friend took them and he DENIES it. It is so funny bc although I have seen the proof of all his lies he continues to stick with his stories that sometimes his arguments make me think that he could be telling the truth but I have seen the proof what more do I want? My heart is broken but I cannot be with a guy who lies to me without remorse... now I question everything he has ever told me wasnt true and my gutt feeling said it was.

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Yes!! Mine did this too! It's like they were told in Liar School or something that if you just stick with your story you'll be okay. And, strangely, it works...until it doesn't anymore. Creepy how the thought of the other person, the one they are lying to, and how that affects them, never really registers with them.

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My boyfriend cheated on me and lied to me alot.We moved into this apartment acouple mouths ago me and him got into a fight about the girl next door he said the girl look better then me so i kicked his *** out. Then he came back the next day saying how he sorry so i took him back like a dummy i left him in the house the sameday by his self when i came back he told me that him and the girl next door knock on our door and that him and her where smoking and talking and that he was just telling her how much he love me. So the next day it was weird she knock on my door again and ask me do i want to go to the mall with her i said yes and then ask her what they where doing the other her and my boyfrien so she says o he was just saying how much he love you i didnt beleave it.So as the weaks went by she c kept knocking on my door it was weird so i ask my boyfriend did him and the girl have sex he said no. A mouth went bye and we moved then he told me how the girl lied and that he never said anything about how much he love me so i said you told me the samething so what where you saying about me he said she was talking to him about her babyfather and that she was trying to get him in the house and he was telling her that im always thinking hes looking at other women and so on from there i just was saying to myself what is im doing with the lying sack of ****

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Yes it's a deal breaker because if he can lie about the small stuff then he'll lie about the big stuff

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I couldn't be with someone who lies. I see honesty as one of the most important things in a relationship.

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Me too but I lie anyway.

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I certainly agree with that now!

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After three years, I would expect the "I don't want her to judge me" lies to dissipate. By those lies, I mean, the ones said to impress you and said out of fear of losing you (My husband was hesitant to tell me he was Muslim and even went as far to tell me his mother was Italian and not Turkish because of how he was judged in the past....it was quickly resolved once he knew I was not like the rest)......<br />
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Little lies can cover bigger lies when told over and over again. If he is not changing his habits and modifying his behavior by now, then I don't think it is going to get any better. What makes this hard is that I don't think he is total bastard as of yet, but the potential is there. Think of this way - if you got married, what if he lied about the finances and you find the hard way when a debt collector comes a-knocking? Or if the lies start to cover infidelity? I hope none of that happens but I think you can see where small lies can go.......

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You were right.

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My boyfriend lies, and he lies about little things stupid things too. I'm tired of telling him how its important I know the truth and stuff. And that its little things like these that ruin a relationship. I don't know if his past relationships he lied all the time, I tell him that kids have a habit of lying, that he should stop being one and grow up!!! Almost 9 months into the relationship and I've had it with lies. Help me!!

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I feel the same it sucks

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I will tell you from experience that it will only get worse, he may even pretend to step it up to keep you, but trust me..it will get worse. He will learn your patterns of how you catch him-he'll get better at lying. You'll have deep talks pouring your heart out-you'll make yourself vulnerable-He'll know your weaknesses. He will take your concern and your love as weakness-he will screw up even worse. He will cheat on you eventually-he'll take your love as desperation for him. He will walk on you..bluntly..he will manipulate you into feeling badly and convince you that you're wrong. You'll find yourself feeling guilty-he will turn it all around on you. I used to be very strong-I used to stand up for myself, I became weak by manipulation by being made to feel bad about myself. Trust me-I didn't want to believe my family or friends I thought my bf was screwed up but the good outweighed the bad. I was sadly wrong-6 years of this. Tonight we got into a huge fight. He grabbed my neck and threatened to break my iPhone. I'm so disgusted-I'm sad and scared I have nowhere to go and he did drugs behind my back and I could tell and he said I was crazy-his dad admitted his son said he wnted to today. I caught him, I felt it all day I knew he screwed up. This is a terrible situation for me I feel so alone,my dads in white collar federal prison for money laundering, he just checked in this month I'm all alone with my now ex. I'm so depressed,I can't do it anymore. I still care about him but he's horrible I don't know how I can care :(

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I hope you are ok!!

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The foundation of any relationships, be it romantic, friendship or business, is trust. Trust is built on honesty. Without that, your relationship, however grand it may appear, is just a castle built upon sand. It will crumble and fall... <br />
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The good news is that you were able to discover this problem relatively early on in your relationship. It could be worse, you could have found out after 20 years and a couple of kids. Then not only would you be questioning your future with this person, but you would be questioning the validity of you entire past as well.

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The bad news is that I chose to believe him that he wouldn't lie anymore. And now I do have a kid with him. A 3 year old. Now what do I do???

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I've been with my boyfriend, yes boyfriend, not husband for over 7 years now. I catch him in little less and I've also caught him in kinda big ones too. Not cheating but who he's had sex with in past. I don't know why he would lie about his past, but he lies about a lot of stuff!! If he thinks it'll start a fight or make me mad, he'll just lie with out thinking. Since I have stayed with him this whole time, from age 19 to now 26. It's really hard for me to let go. He finally is willing to step up, take care of me financially, get married and possibly kids. But I am very worried and doubtfull. What do I do? I love him dearly and don't know what to do. He has a great heart but these past few years have been rough. Every time I try and talk about something that makes him uncomfortable or He doesn't know what to say, he turns it around on me some how n we never end up taking about what was bothering me. I'm so lost and need someone to tell me what n how to say it!!!?? =/w

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Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and my sisters baby daddy had threw a party in the country so they had to spend the night out there so i wanted to go but my boyfriend said that my sisters baby daddy wouldnt let me so i was like whatever go. theres this girl jamie and on my boyfriends birthday she took him downtown to the clubs with my sisters baby daddy and when they got home he smacked her *** in my living room and she wanted to have sex with him in her van but he told her his girl is in the house so they didnt do anything i think.. and that is the same girl who was in the country with them at the party and my boyfriend slept in her van with this other dude and her and my sisters baby daddy said they had a 3 some.. and i asked him he said no nothing happened they only danced and he was touching her boobs.. please help would you believe your boyfriend if that happened to you..??

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In my opinion, and like my grandparents always say (they have been married 35 almost 36 years and never fight or argue. They met at a dance, and two weeks later were engaged), if you find reasons to possibly not trust him, he's not the one. (It goes the same about girls). Whether or not he had a *********, even making you stay behind and then touching her boobs is an unfair gesture toward you. He yelled at her because his girl was in the house? What if you hadn't been? What if you had been out of town? You deserve much better than someone who would treat you like that, even if he "only" touched her boobs. (I just signed up for this just because I had to respond to you. It disgusted me that someone could do that to someone and you deserve an answer).

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No I would not believe him!

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Hell no!! They ******!! They danced and he touched her boobs? Come on!! Don't be that gullible sweetie!!

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Once you fall for a lie, no matter how small it is, that's all they are going to do, D: and the more they get better at lying the bigger the lies will get

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I have the same problems I really feel I'm in a **** situation I keep forgiving the little things and it has moved on to bigger things my boyfriend claims I'm on him to much but he has tried to take another girl out before my bday talks to his ex behind my back I Forgive because he begs and says he will change then throw a curve ball and Blaims me for looking when he hasn't given me a reason to trust him anymore and calls me name like dumb *****, then changes to the bset ever the next day it's so confusing and I know he has problems but I mentally can't take it anymore of the name calling lies or worried about what he's doing though Iove him so much. He gets mad when I give him the cold shoulder says he doesn't deserve it but do I deserve what I'm getting?

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omg thank you. i just broke up with my bf because it was my prom and i wanted him to come with and he agreed. so i bought my dress that cost like 250 dollors.. planned everything with my friends who were going. Everything was perfect i thought. i had my 75 dollars. and he just needed his which he already agreed to pay. So the last day of ticket sales he tells me he doesnt have the money and he cant go. but he still wants me to go and have fun. which is bull**** by the way.. and the next day i see him with these brand new jordans one. like wtf. i was really hurt that was like a huge slap in my face.

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No you don't deserve or!!

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It

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Like the answers above, I tend to regard such lying as a danger signal. Since you've explained to him how it affects you, and he still does it... it must be obvious that its time to chuff off. He obviously isn't going to change - even if he says he will. Perhaps he may learn a lesson from this, perhaps not.

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I really wish I had listened to this advice.

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He lies because he is a liar. He has a habit that, once acquired, is almost impossible to lose. If your goal is to settle down someday, don't chose him as a life partner. To pick someone whose word you can't trust insures a lifetime of trouble and heartache.

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This is an awesome reply and it is helping me at this vulnerable moment in my life.

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You are right and I foolishly believed him. Now I'm stuck.

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You are absolutely right ! I am making my mind to move on with my life without him in it. We had a 2 and half years relationship, he proposed to me and we were thinking of getting married and all that...I mean it's pretty hard to forget all the good days you had together. I am crying today. But it's better to cry today, than crying for the rest of my life. He tried to change himself for the better. I fell in love with his efforts. I do love him a lot. But a compulsive liar can't change that easily, or maybe never. It is because of his lies that me and him are in this situation today. And I will not marry him, with so many doubts. It's not worth taking the risk.

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Someone who does not even care about lying about little things will even care less about lying about big things.... <br />
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Appearently this person sees no difference at all between good and bad (or doesn't care). This is why he lies about small things. Just to look better, to pretend to be someone else or to confuse you.<br />
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This person will not hesitate to lie about big things..... get out... it's a red flag!!

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It is a deal breaker,I belive so.I also hv the same problem and I ask myself y does he hv 2 lie abt such things and I wonder wat does these mean?is he lying abt those silly thngs only or is everythn btween us a lie?it could b dat he tells lies abt jst every single thng in our relationship

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I read most of the answers and thought I'd offer a different perspective. If the girlfriend is particularly crazy or controlling or makes a big stink about the little things, guys will often lie to get the girl off their back or to prevent her from hassling them. High maintenance girls who complain or argue all the time about the littlest things make for very unfun girlfriends and friends in general and lying can be a way to make them not flip out if the lie is successfully made.<br />
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Again, this is a different perspective and situational to only certain girls and certain relationships but I wanted to add my two cents.

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I've been through the same hell. Turned out my husband was/is a closeted gay man. Please look up the follow sites and you too may find the relief you seek. Straightspouse.com, lovefraud.com, and google cluster b. Plenty of other helpful sites if you Google liars, pathalogical liars. Compulsive liars. My ex-husband shows up at my door every few months with only the intend to manipulate and hurt me yet again. Yes, I let him in and listen to his new truths, partial truths and outright lies. After nearly 3 years of being divorced, I find his world very amusing. I also continue to see my therapist to help me accept my dysfunction parental home and how my personality and life has been formed. Have a good day and may God Bless you all.

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.your boyfriend know u accept anything he say to u.

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OMG, until I got to the 3 year part, I thought this was something I had posted and forgotten about. Not sure why they lie, but it is definitely annoying. It has affected me so much that we have only had sex once in the past 4 months. I thought we had reached an understanding and I had gotten to a point where I could trust him, we had sex and then less than 3 days later he is lying about stupid stuff. I mean **** I could really care less about, but it concerns me that he isn't lying about something much bigger. I feel your pain, but sorry I don't have an answer for ya. Tata.

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This is a big thing. It may be small lies now but they WILL get bigger. It's like males test out the boundaries and limits first with small stuff- if they continue to get away with lies, then what's stopping them from telling more. U need to ask yourself why he is lying in the first place, u say its stupid things like where he had lunch etc. but I have found that usually when people come out with these lies ur only getting half the story- who was he at lunch with? Etc- a small lie covers a bigger one. Ur like me- I hate being lied to- they used to be small and yes they still hurt- but now they are about important things- big things- so I'm done. Find the courage- and then find someone who can be honest with you!

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I've been with this guy ten years, about 3 years ago he started lying, , he's been getting worse everday it passes. Money is gone missing, items from my home too and what really makes me mad its that he has taken my debit card got money and with a straight face LIES TO ME.. I know hes buying drugs, have tried to talk to him to let him know I know. I'm not a fool, he used to be so helpful around the house, it seems that everytime I say something or ask him for help he always replies "I treat him like a kid". I have to sleep with my wallet under my pillow. I know its been 10 years, I really don't trust him anymore. Can we gain trust after so much or is it time to let go.? . Do we try to fix the problem or just give up? I do love him, hes been my partner, companion, best friend, always there to support me,. Talking don't seem to get thru his head that this relatioship is coming to an end. SO CONFUSED. I know what I want in life and it does not include me sleeping with my wallet.

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