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My boyfriend and his ex were together for 10 years before I met him. I know that they are good friends and I understand that but he spends a lot of time with her. They go on vacation together and have the same friends and remain in the same circle. I get it that they have a history and that they will probably always be friends. I have not met her and he has not lied to me about the time that he spends with her, in which I do appreciate. He tells me that there is nothing going on and that they are just friends. Most of the time I don't bring it up and try to let it go. I actually like his ex even though i have not met her. It's just the stupid little things lke for example one day he called and said that he had to cancel our date (We didn't have one) because his ex was sick and he had to go and give her soup? I got upset even though we didn't have a date that day and told him that I would go and give her soup. Just the thought pissed me off. Well I let it go again. Am I wrong? No kids.
Hoodiamom Hoodiamom 36-40, F 20 Answers Jan 2, 2009

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I would recommend talking to your boyfriend and telling him how you feel. I think that it sounds very weird that he spends so much time with her. I mean if they are actually broken up, then why would he go on a vacation together with her and bring her soup when she is sick. It just does not sound right to me! I understand the friends bit but he needs to understand that you are being affected by all of this and I think he should not spend that much time with her.

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You are not wrong to worry. He sounds like a nice guy who cares about you, but guys can also be naive and not realize that he is susceptible to affairs and falling in love again- which happen slowly over time on the same type of path he is on. If he is in love with you he should be spending his time with YOU not with her. I see people tell you to ask him- but this misses the point- because of what I said above. <br />
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I really feel bad about the situation you are in but it sounds like you have a lot of growing to do and I hope you are able to grow through this and understand what you need to. Good luck- I am praying for you (even if you are not religious!!).

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Ok being the ex girlfriend of someone I was with for eight years, guess what? We spend NO time together or talk to each other. I would rather chew my own arm off than go on vacation with him. And I have a father and family members and friends who can bring me soup when I am sick as does she I am sure. And yes some of our friends are the same but they know best to not bring up the other when hanging out with us.<br />
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In fact, the only time my ex calls me is when he is not seeing anyone and wants a booty call. Which is why I don't talk to him. And even if he wanted to be friends but I knew he had a girlfriend, I would keep it to just a friendly email or text here and there like hey your alive and well glad to hear it bye. I would never disrespect his new relationship because you should not do unto others as you would not like done unto you.<br />
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You need to talk to him and she needs to respect he is YOUR boyfriend now not hers if she needs him around then she shouldnt have gone through with the break up in the first place.

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Drop his ***.....if my gf came to me with some **** like that?......Yeah,ok.....honey don't,get played....aint no such thing as your boyfriend/girlfriend going on vacation with thier ex.....at least not in,my world... and anyone who tells you that that is okay... must be very naieve and living in fantasy land....good luck..and use,your head and not your heart in this one

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I'm in a similar situation. Ask yourself if they are "ex's', why do they still need each other? If he cares about your feelings, he'll make sure you're comfortable and secure in your relationship. He'll probably tell you it's YOUR fault you don't feel ok with this situation, and that YOU have trust issues. This way, you can take to focus off of him, and out it on yourself. When exs need to to spend time alone together, it's almost certain one or both still have feelings for each other. By not allowing you to be there when he visits, he's protecting his time with her. It's not right. Why do they think it's ok? make sure you let him know its NOT.

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I think your boyfriend is probably struggling with the whole ex friendship concept. No matter how much you want to be friends with your ex and no matter close you are there are certain friend stuff you just can't do with them (bringing them soup for example) You shouldn't have to compete with his 'friend' its not fair on you, your gonna have to talk to him, he will probably be defensive about it but he has to be told or the situation is going to drive you insane!

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I would say he still has feelings for his ex. Going on vacation together and spending alot of time together. Tells me he has put you behind her instead of front. They have a history ok. Then they can have lunch together. There is no need for them to go on vacation or for him to spend the night or to put her before you for any reason. I would say prepare yourself for the worst. Them tell him her or you has to go. You are not saying he can't talk to her but you will no longer accept being second. Good Luck

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If your bf and his ex are still friends, that is one thing... if they are going on vacation together, that is something completely different. <br />
What he is doing with his ex is disrespectful to you and to your relationship with him. <br />
I would tell him he needs to choose between his ex and you, and be prepared to move on and find someone who is faithful to you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

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It's his way or the highway...he's just too connected and you need to say no..if you want to. It goes on with or without your consent.It's a take it or leave it deal. She must be special to him. What do YOU want? Your feeling count for youself.

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Well theres only one thing to do, tell him how you feel. He obviously puts his ex way above you, and your sounding like an after thought in his life. Sorry to say this but you should come first not his ex.

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not good... he needs to make up his mind.. sounds like you are the girl to keep around while he waits for her to take him back.... and even if that isnt the case he is too emotionally attached to her... i mean she isnt blood related and if they dont have a kid there is no way he should hang with her

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It sounds like he would rather spend time with his ex than you. If you're happy taking second place in a love triangle, fine. If not, give his *** a one way ticket to Dumpsville.

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Oh, good LORD. No, you are not being unreasonable. Seems this "ex" is on his list of priorities higher than you are. I would not be cool with this situation, and I am not a highly jealous person, typically. <br />
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If they are exes, they are exes for a reason. If he still likes her so much and still wants to spend so much time with her I'd hazard a guess that he is still harboring feelings for her.<br />
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I'd insist on meeting her, and want to be included sometimes when they are "hanging out." If he protests to that, then he is hiding something and I'd rethink this relationship.

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