DO NOT WORRY!!!! You are a great mother and are looking out for your child's best interest! You are correct for demanding that he see his child in a mutual place where you can be there to watch him. The court will side in your favor, trust me! <br />
What will happen is that your baby's daddy will lose his case and he may even get into trouble for refusing to pay child support. You are totally free of any wrong-doing! Go to court with confidence! Hold your head up high and tell the court that you fear for your child's well-being. The courts are always in favor of children's safety and having proper financial support. DO NOT WORRY!!!<br />
As a matter of fact, it should be him who fears the court!!! His threats will backfire on him! Go ahead, take him to court. Really! Do it! You'll get the money he owes you and your child will be safer because of it.<br />
By the way, I'm not a lawyer but I have been through the court system concerning my son so I know how the courts rules in that regard. Go to court and do you both a favor. Call your local courthouse and ask how to go about taking this man to court.
law is on your side. you are justified in your stand in not allowing hm to be alone with your baby.Just record everything .He cant do a thing. moreover,mothers always have curstody of the girlchild.its in the law.
You need a journal to document every threat, every time you made attempts to allow him to see his child, and keep up with the dates, weeks, & months of receiving no support. Also, make sure you have a police report for EVERY DANGEROUS THREATENING ENCOUNTER! It's also prudent planning to save money for an attorney or find out if there is a program for battered women who need an attorney to help protect you as well as your child because if he was abusing you, it is only a matter of time before he starts on your child. I have been there, done that, and I have the scars to show for it. My birth father was abusive as well as an alcoholic. Mother continued to leave then reconcile then leave and reconcile like her children were yo-yos. I finally got out and took my younger sibling with me shortly after leaving (legally that is; I received legal guardianship then both our birth parents disappeared off the grid to get out of support I imagine). It took years of therapy for me to get to where I was at a place for a real relationship that was healthy after leaving behind a long line of one-night stands and constant moving because I had adjusted to the constant moving from place to place and state to state as a child. I went through more than my fair share of therapists but ultimately I did stay in one place long enough to get the help I needed and help understanding that it was not only my birth father I was angry with, it was also my birth mother because she allowed the abuse to continue then worked shifts to avoid her husband while he took his anger out on the children - mostly me and then completely me because my younger sibling was in no shape emotionally, physically, and not even close to psychologically handling it so I would intentionally pick a fight when our birth father went after my sibling. It took a long time but I learned to settle down in one place, found a great man I'd known off and on throughout a large part of my life but never in this world thought we would marry, have children, have him help raise my younger sibling with me, and take on the role of father-in-law as well as grandfather to nieces & nephews who had no clue there were parents other than us to be their grandparents. <br />
It's always best to get into court first but please choose an attorney who comes with the highest recommendations you can get; often they will work with you on costs & even sometimes the other party will be responsible for the attorney fees. The fact you called the police and made a report is going to help you tremendously. Don't be surprised if your atty wants your child or you to seek a psychological examination to use in court to show the negative impact of the abuse you suffered at the hands of your husband. A great atty also has ways of working the system to get the best judge to hear your case, which helps tremendously when it comes to the safety of your child & yourself. Don't think physical threats are harmless, get them recorded & print-outs o
wow,you have gone through quite a lot
If I don't let myself think about it, it feels like it was a lifetime ago or it starts to feel as if it happened to someone else; hwr, if I do think about it, the pain comes rushing back in waves that are at times overwhelming. I didn't mention something b/c I didn't want to cloud the facts but I was in a relationship, a marriage actually, that lasted less than 2yrs & a lot of that time was waiting for the req'd time for a "no-fault" divorce. It wasn't until after we split when the problems started. He wanted nothing to do with a child we had together & even left when she was barely an infant. He left for a teenager of all ppl. This teen was so enamored & jealous of me as well as probably feeling the slipping away of her relationship w/my ex that she did everything she could do to turn herself into another me. It was scary to watch. She colored her hair, had a hairdresser attempt at reproducing my hairstyle, which wasn't great or remotely like it when seen up close b/c I had a high-end hairdresser; she couldn't afford nor find the clothes I wore b/c they came from a boutique store when I moved 2 states away then moved back and moved again. I moved all the time just as Mother had dragged us around the country for years. I wore high-end boutique clothes that at the time were difficult & even illegal to copy in small shops or department stores but she found the closest she could to wear but she was never able to adapt to wearing 4-5in stiletto heels, which I wore all the time! I loved them plus they did wonders for my legs. It was part of a package I dressed when I worked as a barmaid allowing me to earn more in tips at my night job than I earned at my day job. I couldn't give up the day job b/c I had insurance the kids (mine & my sibling) needed to cover medical expenses so I worked 2-3 and even 4 jobs at a time b/c of no support.
My ex's new gf threw a punch meant for me once but she made the mistake of hitting my child & I went mental. To this day I have no clue why I didn't kill her. I came close to killing my birth father a couple of times but with her, there was something about going after my child that made me see red! I wanted her dead and I beat her to a bloody pulp until something made me stop. She ended up in the ER and we ended up in court. The judge scolded her for instigating the incident b/c some neighbors saw what happened and what started it. They actually came to court to testify on my behalf.
In the end, he lost not only all parental rights, he lost her having his last name and a relationship with her as an adult. Her "DAD" is my husband of soon to be 25yrs and she has our last name although it's hyphenated with her husband's last name. The day her birth certificate came in w/her new last name that was ours (my DH, myself, & our youngest daughter who was only a baby at the time), she was like a little kid again rather than an 10yo.
We have only had contact w/her birth father 3x since he lost his rights and one was out of a promise I made his father. I promised I would attend his funeral and be there for my daughter if she wanted to come - he was never banned from her life but his family didn't know it. He came to see her w/o their knowledge for yrs up until he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and couldn't drive. I couldn't take her to do him either. So, we went to his funeral & a friend of the family said he spoke of us but it was in the past & he constantly became combative during the sundowning toward his son for throwing away the best thing he ever had in his life. It must have worked b/c my ex, even though he was with his umpteenth wife (his mother makes a habit out of busting up her children's marriages - each are married some 3 to 6x), he hugged me and cried like a child w/his wife next to him as he told me that his walking out was the most stupid thing he ever did in his life and how he regretted it - this went on for some 20 minutes or so. His wife had to walk off. I'm sure she was thoroughly peeved afterward. I didn't make any overtures even though I could have but I didn't reciprocate his feelings b/c as I had told him once b4, the best thing he ever did was walk out for his teenage gf b/c it allowed me to move out of state, start over, and through some strange sense of serendipity, I ended up with my soul-mate, which his father totally adored when he was alive. We left the funeral and never went around them again. I made it clear when I showed up that I was simply following the dying wishes of an old man I truly respected and loved. I wasn't there for a reunion or a return into that insanity. I'm just thankful my daughter - our daughter; my DH & I, has no memories of that time. Her clear memories begin with our wedding, so to speak, and go from there but she has flashes of earlier years so it's all good. At least my court appearance kept her out of his life permanently b/c he refused to go see her with a caseworker and officer present in the room for supervision after he threw 1 punch at me. I was a much better fighter b/c I had been kickboxing and weight-training for years - even on my own as well as having learned to free-dive, scuba-dive, working trawling ships for extra money and that's hard work for a man let alone a women but the men treated me well in those days. I returned the sucker punch and laid him in the ground. That's when I reminded him of what I said b4 we got married; my birth father beat on me and I was be-damned if I would ever allow another man to hit me in anger w/o repercussions. He never offered to touch me afterward. Even my long-time DH knows better b/c he knows too that I still suffer from PTSD even though it's been so many yrs since I was that kid whose father beat the crap out of her constantly until it became actual knock-down drag-outs between us b/c I was learning to fight back and with my temper, it was not a safe place to be when I lost it. It's why I went into therapy, started working off the anger in constructive manners at the gym and when I couldn't afford the gym I always had my speed ball, punching bag (the long ones that allow for kickboxing practice) and worked my frustrations out on those. I lost count of the gloves I had to replace in those days. I can't do it now b/c of my health probs as well as brittle bones from osteoporosis resulting from being lactose intolerant along w/Lupus (SLE), Sjogren's, Fibromyalgia, and a retinal disease with the latest addition being inflamed corneas, which I'm treating with drops in order to save my corneas with the hopes of donating them if I can keep them healthy enough.
It was a long hard road but with a great set of attorneys (I had 2 for the price of 1 after they met my daughter), great daycare workers and friends, we stopped him in his tracks and today, he is miserable but he's also laying in the bed he made for himself or better still, he's caught in that pit he dug thinking he'd leave me in it but caught himself in that hole instead.
There is always hope. It's what got me out of that family I grew up in, allowed me to remove my sibling so I had 2 kids to raise, and it got me out of a short but horrid 1st marriage that turned sour b4 it really started tho I'm sad that I got pregnant. I wasn't supposed to be able to conceive let alone carry to term! That goes to show that miracles happen. Both were high-risk pregnancies but they are healthy except my oldest was born w/a eye disorder that req'd surgery to correct and a heart defect that's controlled with medication. Our youngest is ok except she has to wear special glasses b/c she sees well at a distance in 1 eye and well up close in the other. Both went through the braces phase too although our youngest is still in braces. She just got through the removal of the wisdom teeth buds, which her older sister had to have as well. Thankfully, like me and many in my family, they each only had 2 wisdom teeth so it's better than having 4 removed under anesthesia. I was crawling out of my skin b/c I couldn't be in the room with them when the surgeons were removing the wisdom teeth buds but I'm glad they are healthy, happy, and safe and our oldest is in a healthy relationship that became a healthy marriage. I feel as if I have atoned for the mistakes I made, at least for the most part anyhow. I hope I have... I got her out of the visitation, which was always w/the demented MIL, who would surely bust her up her marriage if she had any contact with my daughter, which she doesn't. My daughter says she had 2 grandmothers: her DAD's mom (my current MIL) and my mom, who was actually my surrogate mom but was the oldest sister of my birth mother; she taught me a lot and loved my girls like they were her actual grandchildren just as DH & I do w/my sibling's children. We are the only grandparents they know even tho they have no idea we are their aunt & uncle instead but it's all good.
In time, I hope sixteenth will get to where I am now and able to look back on her life and know she did everything she could once she realized the relationship wasn't healthy for her nor her child then took action to protect them both. It's hard but the reward is definitely worth it.
My exhusband became abusive, and we had a child together. So from experience you should be the one taking him to court not just for the child support, but to get visitation rights established. Not sure how it is where you live, but where I am if you don't there's nothing illegal about him taking the child. GET ADVICE, do what's best for the child even if it's an extremely emotional hard thing to do.
He won't take you to court, you should be taking him to court. If he is known to the police he won't get anywhere.
Yes, I agree with Literaturegirl. You also need to somehow have solid evidence that this man is unfit to have your child in his care. I'm pretty sure he's breaking the law by not helping pay for your child's needs...and if you did end up going to court, that would definately go against him. Don't be scared, his threats are hollow, in fact if it were me in your situation, I think I'd be the one taking him to court!