I'm not talking to my mom, but I would never do that to her - If it's that bad, you could go to court
Exactly- grandparents rights are quite recognizable legally
Good for you! And Good Luck!
You are 100% right - don't for one minute think you are doing something wrong - Peace
She is being evil just plain evil. No mater how much or how little the money is, children are price less and should not be used as pawns ever. Do not feed in to her games it may be pain full but there are two choices ; fight or flight . If you can not fight then you must let go it will hurt but when they are older and grown up a bit more they will be able to make their own decisions. I believe you are a kind and loving person with a really big heart, and that they (the grandkids) will come back to you eventually.
Where's her man- is he more reasonable?
Think of the cruelty to her grandchildren? you cannot let her emotionally blackmail you for money using her own children. Get some support, and find out what you can do to ensure seeing them
take it to court. Unfortunately your daughter associates you with money. A "money object". no money? no use! wherease you are a person who is entitled to a relationship with your grandchildren. Now you assisted your daughter in treating you like that by "scarificing" yourself...that's not a loving thing to do to yourself or her..Best of luck with it
I can answer this from personal experience. I lost my only daughter. She had 2 beautiful daughters that her addict bf will not let us see. We went to court 6 times under the GRANDPARENT'S right...Ohio is one of the most progressive states there are and we LOST. You in essence have no rights. My daughter even named my sister as one of her guardians and she is not allowed to see them.<br />
she is holding you emotionally hostage. there really is nothing you can do..trust me.
you have no idea how we suffered. there is more to tell but the bottom line is i have notseen them for over 5 years and we were very active in their lives too. please message me if you ever need to talk!
OK new idea - HOW have you talked to her about your concerns sometimes we must first truely listen to open communication and consideration. So - try contacting her and saying "I feel like you>>>>>>" then when she replies, refect what you hear again saying "you feel....." you start by hearing then see if she will hear you check out<br />
Relationships that work - the power of concious living by David Wolf <---------- Send her this book but do not include who it came from... WOW I am sorry :( Not sure you want to put a bunch of details here, but you said she was going to therapy? Was this just in general or does she have a personality disorder or other mental health condition? <br />
I know there are always "two sides" to every story - but if this really did start the moment you could not afford to send her financial support, and she has not expressed any other reason for not wanting to see you or have you in her grandchildrens life it's a tough one. Interestingly, I don't have kids yet, and most of my friends do not either, but of the few that do I have 2 that have serious problems with their mother-in-laws (not moms though) and they still let the grandmas see the grandkids. Both women can at times not even be around their mother-in-laws but they still send the grandskids over to spend time. One of these wome also has problems with her step-dad an in relation to him she has a strained relationship with her mom when he acts badly and her mother for what ever reason lets him. Still, they see their grand kids (I just get a venting phone call after lol)<br />
OK, all that said - the main issue is over controlling - I am not suggesting you are but if she percieves you to be, maybe in her mind she put up with what ever personality trait she experienced/percieved you to have for the monthly money. I have heard friends complain about their mothers and have meany time though "oh they are just being moms" BUT in these two cases I detailed the moms were over the top, one in a way that was dangerous even as she let the young kids do anything. I also saw this strain occasionally impacted the children's veiw of mom and grandmom. Problems usually invoved how the kids dressed, how their health care was managed, religion, the men (granddads) being rude saying chavanistic insulting thinkgs to their worrking daughter-in-laws, and geneally perpetual second guessing what mom and dad chose to do. Both of my friends are loving wonderful women who sacrifice everything for their family so I agreed the insults and second guessing were unfair.<br />
SO - I told you all this not to say you ever did anything wrong, and it sounds like nothing you do now will matter, but as hard and sad as it is maybe just stepping back is all you can do until she can sit down like an adult and tell you what is wrong. 23 is an adult but it is still young especially if she has had "her way" most of her life... uh oh almost outta letters
Wow so you have received a clear message and you only respond with love and honesty. Maybe there is more she is not saying or maybe she has said it all.
You could force the situation legally, is this some thing you want or are able to do? If you can afford a good Lawer, another option is to set up a trust for your grand children, a good Lawer can create one that will provide any money you have to leave to them and not your daughter (maybe for education) and that sends a message too. You love your daughter dispite it all and all you want is to give to her and you grandkids, but it is no longer possible for that to be in the form of payouts for love, and you experience her as loving your money alone.
Sometimes love is saying NO :) and saying YES to yourself
Does she have a diagnosed mental health condition? If so you may just need to send word ver briefly and not to go behaind her back to her husband - just once and say that you will back off, you are there though and ready to hear her if and when she is ready. You may honestly want to look up the book I suggested it canhelp you learn how to improve your communication especially whith a very emotionally driven person
Yes do - I actually work with Psychologists, I am not one but I have learned a lot about people, communication and signs....
I would try to sit her down and talk to her but if that doesn't work then you could possible bring it to courts depending on the laws of your state. Some states enforce grandparents rights. Hopefully, it doesn't come to that I was try to talk to her and come to a common consensus if possible! Best Of Luck!
Oh, I am so srry that it has to come to that. I would still try a little bit harder so there isn't any bad feelings between you and daughter but if it doesn't work then you've got to do what you've got to do. It's not your resposibility to finacially support her or pay to see your grandkids that's a tad bit unethical(I say this so you don't become guilty or just give in and start giving them money again)! I wish you luck though and that everything works out so you are able to see your grandchildren!
Your Welcome :) That would be great! So there isn't hurt or bitter feelings between you all. Once again I wish you luck and think positive about the situtation regaurdless of how stressful it seems or becomes! :)
If all else fails, and you've tried everything possible to be reasonable with her, you can take her to court for visitation rights. As the grandparent, you reserve the right to see your grandchildren, and if necessary, fight for custody of them if your daughter "has gone off the deep end".
Isn't there something called - grandparents right? I have a daughter-in-law who did this with her son. I think it is because the child is not my real grandson. But in your case this is your daughter ?? I think some just like to be hurtful and controling (as you said)
My situation drove me to see a psychiatrist. Unfortunately there is no way to get other family members there. They can't be subpoeneaed like a court. But he helped me to understand the situation and how to cope.
I think all children do so much better with Grandparents in their lives. If jealousy is the case for you and your Daughter, then she is making her kids miss out on a wonderful experience and great memories to keep with them forever. I had wonderful Grandparents and unfortunately my Daughter didn't. Not having had this in her life, led her to believe that we Grandparents are not important in the lives of the kids. Actually there can never be enough love, or too much of it. It's so sad that they think this way.
Every since I divorced my grown children's father 12 years ago for constant infidelity my grown daughter has gone through periods of withholding my grandkids from me. She married a controlling, arrogant sociopath who hates everyone and anyone that doesn't hand him gold on a silver platter! My daughter has picked up these traits as well - he brainwashed her to think she had a terrible childhood. Her older sister assures me they had a wonderful childhood. Being single and mid aged I now have to work two jobs to support myself and have a little left over to splurge on my grandkids (my one joy in life). My SIL since the beginning of his relationship with my daughter has dished out constant vile filth about me and our "crazy" family. We were not perfect parents but our children always had food on the table, a warm home, bills paid, new clothes and a quiet home - we NEVER argued in front of our children! Since my daughter married this joker, she has inherited his personality, regularly withholding my grandkids if "my behavior" doesnt' suit them which means my presents to them aren't good enough or I don't babysit enough! My oldest granddaughter is now 13 who treats me and her other grandmother with total disrespect. I know she's being told how "crazy" and unstable we are because I've heard my SIL say it over and over about the two of us for years. I've gone to counseling a number of times, each time the counselor with gentle words tells me my hands are tied, my grandchildren love their parents and will always respect whats being said to them about me. The counselor told me to remember their birthdays with gift cards (NO CASH) and love on them whenever I can. I can only hope and pray God will shine light on the truth when they become adults.
I have no idea of the dynamics of your relationship, but grandchildren and children are often used as pawns in these atrocious family games. If you are not senile or dependent on care, seek out a lawyer and put all your financial resources In a trust directing who your heirs should be. <br />
Do not sign power of attorney over to any relative but only into the hands of a trustworthy lawyer not known to the family or a bank custodian <br />
Once you have tidied up the financial end you will be able to concentrate on renewing your relationship with your daughter if that is possible.<br />
I do not even have kids yet and all my future money etc is set up to protect it from abuse and to go to my future kids and grandkids in a productive way if anything happened to me
If you have spoken with your daughter privately about the fact that you would love to see your grandchildren, and you have failed to resolve the matter with her, bring in one or two family therapists and see if you can get your daughter to sit down with them, and you, to discuss the matter in a group forum. If that fails to work, address the matter in church with your pastor or priest.
sadly I don't think there's much you can do...<br />
she has the right to decide whom they have contact with... you could try court but if you weren't a big part of their life till now I guess there wouldn't be much use...<br />
I'm realy sorry for you... does she name any reason?
in this case I guess you'd stand a chance... you've been part of their life before and it would cause damage if you're not aloed to continue to be ... so I'd say you could at least try it but I fear if you do and fail... it would only seperate your daughter more from you and make her keep the children away compleatly... or actually make her think she's got a true reason for it...
you're quit welcome... I know how hard it is to be seperatet from the ones you love... and realy... I can't understand how a mother could do this to her children
öhm... probably yes... I mean whenyou'reused to get everything you want it's hard to leave such a thing behind... that's why I'm happy that I had to learn how it is without anything... now I can atleast appreciate the luxury I have... things I never truly understood befor
you're welcome... and good luck... if it's only that I guess she'll come around in time... it's just a hard lesson to learn... thought others start with it when their 2... and eventually they'll want to go out xD and I'm sure they wouldn't like to have to find an other babysitter xD
wow... sorry but right now she's behaving worse then my 3 year old sister.... I'd say go first and force her to visitingrights... she wants to play by law... make her feel that law says you can't just remove a constant grantparent out of your childs life... I'm realy sorry for how she's behaving
sorry for you... but I'm honestly thinkung she's just throwing a huge tantrum xD
Yep, my professional daughter told me virtually the same thing, just before my 64th b-day 10/28/13. no contact with my 4 granddaughters or my 2 grandsons. This was per order of her professional husband.
My 32 year old daughter has not spoken to me or let me see my grandchildren for three years. She won't forgive me for leaving her alcoholic father. He still gets to see them and was even allowed to babysit until my son in law realized it might not be save to leave toddlers alone with him. She was my best friend, but as soon as I told her I was divorcing she told me to leave her house. Got a note the next week saying she hoped I died and burned forever in hell. I still send her money for holidays and birthdays, but she "re-gifts" any presents I try to give the children. I try to not think about it but sometimes it overwhelms me and I have nightmares. I don't think there's any good solution to this. I investigated grandparent rights, but honestly there is not much you can do. She has the ultimate control and there will be no winners in this war and no joy in a court enforced relationship.
All you can do is sit and cry your heart out, I've done that plenty of times. If her mother was still here, bless her soul, she'd give her hell, but she's gone.
its because i reported her for child abuse .. no i reported her boyfriend he beat my grandson. and now i cant see him.