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My daughter is 15 years old and three months pregnant. From day one, she wouldn't hear of an abortion, (not that I wanted her to, but I would have supported that option). So I am supporting this pregnancy. She doesn't know who the dad is...it could be one of many, I'm afraid. And she has been in and out of trouble for the past year; running away, skipping school, fighting other girls, shop lifting, etc. You name it, she has done it - it's amazing to me that she hasn't been arrested yet. This baby to me is a bit of a Godsend if you can believe that, because it's stopped the running away and calmed her down a bit, and she's even been going to school a "little" more. My question is this: I told her that if she didn't want the baby that I would take it and raise it as my own, and she said no! I'd never give this baby to you! Now I have people saying to me that it isn't up to me who she gives the baby to, but this is my grandchild! I work hard for all my kids - they don't get given away!
jjslair jjslair 36-40, F 20 Answers Sep 19, 2008

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I think it's unlikely she'd be able to give it away. She's a minor under your care. Phone child services and ask their advice. You should be able to adopt if she's declared unfit. Tread carefully with your daughter though. If she suspects something she might make a run for it. Don't threaten her. Just quietly find out as much as you can until the birth. Then act.

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Yes, I think she should. I hate to sound uncompassionate and cruel, but from a strictly non-involved standpoint, it seems best if the baby is separated from what got your daughter into trouble to begin with.<br />
if you want your daughter to stick around, you have to let her separate from the baby. She'll resent you taking care of her child, even though she admits she can not do this herself. It would probably be too much for her to see and she would never have the relationship that parents should have with their children. You would be the "parent" to both your children and grandchildren.<br />
In a way, this is the easiest thing to do for her. Seeing that child every day would be painful. <br />
If she chooses to put her child up for adoption, social workers will help her choose a good family for her baby. There may even be a chance she could make contact later. <br />
I think having you raise the child would just encourage her to run away from you. It sounds awful and cruel but I think that's just how it is.

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This is a tough one.<br />
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However, the bottom line is that this baby isn't YOURS. It's your DAUGHTER'S and the decision regarding its future has to be hers to make, not yours.<br />
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I agree with lyricalongings, that it would be better for the child to be raised by parents who truly want it, than to be raised in a household riven by conflict.

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yes i will take the baby

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make her wait at least a year, before she makes that decision. I gave my daughter up at 10 days old when I was 15, I am now nearly 60 and it is getting worse the pain of it

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Yes by all means she should have the right to determine who gets HER baby. Hers, not yours. I think this would be best for all concerned if this is her wish. First, even if you pretended to be the baby's mom, eventually, the child will find out and the revelation that his/her older sister is actually his or her mom will be a great shock.<br />
Second, if the baby stays in the family, your daughter may not be able to separate herself from it emotionally and at 15, she is not ready to be a mom. This is a lesson she had to learn and hopefully she will not make the same mistake again. Hopefully she, and YOU will learn from this. I honor some people's belief that young people should practice abstinence however most do not or can not. Get your daughter on the pill after the child is born and stress to her the importance of protection. She may be celibate for a while after this experience but eventually it's more likely that she will have sex again. Aren't you glad she got pregnant instead of becoming HIV positive? Pregnancy is temporary, AIDS and herpes are permanant, and other diseases she could have caught can be serious even when they are curable. <br />
Lastly, I have a cousin who was adopted. She's a great person and I love her dearly - and if an unwed mother years ago had not chosen to let her baby go to a wonderful couple who could not have a child of their own, my aunt and uncle might have live cold, empty, unfulfilled lives for want of a child in their home, and I would not have my wonderful cousin in my life. <br />
Giving the child up has got to be a difficult decision for your daughter, but permitting her to make the decision and stand by it, whatever it is eventually, is a big step for both of you in letting her GROW UP. She's already taken steps toward adulthood by engaging in sexual activity, even if it was earlier than she should have, but this is a decision that she needs to make and have you support her in, whatever it is. Stop thinking about yourSELF and what YOU want. Being a good parent is raising a child that is competent in making decisions in a mature and thoughtful way, and she already made a bad decision in practicing unprotected sex with multiple partners. If you force her to allow you to raise this child you are reinforcing that all her decisions are bad and undermining her need to grow up and experience her mistakes and their ramifications in her own way. The child may be your biological grandchild but this is your daughter's life, and this is her decision to make and live with. Please let her take this important step toward functional adulthood. Also please let the child be given to a loving home with TWO parents who are mature enough to raise it. I predict that your daughter will eventually give you another grandchild, at the right time and under the right circumstances and it will be a joyful thing for both of you. This situation cannot bring joy to you, your daughter, or the child who would be much better off in the type of home your daughter has decided on for him or her.

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it is her child she can give it up for adoption if she choses even at her age <br />
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and how can you be sure that whatever parenting choices you made that brought your daughter to this will then not be visted on this child as well<br />
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putting it up for adoption gives it a chance to grow up in a loving home even if it isn't your home

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Your comment "She doesn't know who the dad is...it could be one of many, I'm afraid." made me think that this may be the reason for her not wanting to keep the child. She may have very bad memories of these occasions. Keeping your grandchild would only create more stress in what I see as a dysfunctional home. Do you want to drive your daughter into running away again? Keeping a baby she doesn't want around will surely do this. Possibly a good session of question and answer between the two of you could shed a bit of light on why (1) she didn't want an abortion; (2) why she wants to have the baby and give it up for adoption and (3) why she doesn't want you, in particular, to adopt the child. I can only say that God in his infinite wisdom will help the two of you sort this huge problem out, so start praying.

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I think as the grandmother of the child and mother of a minor you have all the authority in this. I would of course ask an authority figure about it and if they agree that you have rights to adopt the child then I would start the process without her knowing. I think when she is older and wiser she will be grateful to have her child in her life in some way. right now I think she is refusing to let you have the baby out of teenage rebellion. she is obviously unfit so you have that on your side.

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Your daughter should be able to put her baby up for adoption. Keeping the baby and raising it yourself is not a good idea. You are not done raising your daughter yet.

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Yes absolutely. You're daughter should be able to make her own decision in this matter. This is her baby & she wants to do what she knows is right for him/her. I know SOOO many ppl who gave birth as teenagers. All of them had MANY personal problems, as your daughter obviously has. They have all totally screwed up their kids lives & are themselves completely miserable. Your daughter is only 15. That is SO young. She is absolutely incapable of raising a baby at her age, let alone in a situation like that. Your daughter should be commended for wanting a better life for her baby than she had for herself. Most ppl who adopt children are great ppl & can give your grandchild so much more love, affection, caring & a much more stable environment than you or your daughter could ever give them. You definitely need to realize what a good thing this would be. Wouldn't that baby be better off in a great environment with great ppl? I think so. No child should ever have to be raised in an unstable environment. The world would be a much better place if all teenagers who have children would do what's right for the baby, instead of keeping it & continuing the cycle of unwanted children from broken homes.

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Let your daughter put HER baby up for adoption. She should not have been sexually active in the first place but at least she's taking the path that she feels is right for that child. If you force her to keep it you've missed out on the story about the missing 3 year old Caylee. Her mother was FORCED to keep her too and now she's presumed dead and her mother isn't talking. You could also be opening up the door for child abuse or even the death of the child. YOU SHOULDN'T TRY AND MAKE A TEENAGER A MOTHER AND YOUR DAUGHTER APPARENTLY KNOWS THAT SHE ISN'T READY TO BE ONE.

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This must be very difficult, to see your daughter pregnant at such a young age. She may decide, upon having it, that she wants to keep it or may decide to put it up for adoption. As much as you would like to help raise this baby or at least see to it that it goes to a good home, I do think the decision should be hers. Although you will both have to live with her decision, she is the mother in this case, and will most likely bear heavy feelings in a different way than you will. I would discuss all her options with her now, tell her that she may change her mind once the baby arrives, and let her decide. (Perhaps you can meet with some adoption agencies so she can really get a feel for the process.) Best wishes to all of you.

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Oh man! Thats tough!<br />
You be able to fight for the baby because she is under the age of 18. I am not sure how it works but she is a minor and is under your roof.<br />
I don't think she can just give it away like that without a fight from you.

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She can give this baby to me I would love to be a mom Agen and I would not even want child support or envy kind of money. My name is Renee baker and if she wants to get ahold of me call me 334-434-9422 Ty very much

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if you would like me and my gf would make great loving parents to your grand daughter, it looks like your daughter has enought problems of her own and thats alot of responsibility for you to take on my gf is 20 im 25 were very well off for our selves we have a home, plenty of food always in the house, were a very clean loving family, she would be very well taken care of, we have been looking for a while and your story touched us, we would love to raise your granddaughter as our own we live in palm coast florida, please feel free to contact us Thankyou Kevin&Brianna

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