As a doctor, you need to have her go to a center for abused women who can document the beatings and take pictures, bring her to the ER so we can make a chart of current and past bruising, and take x-rays , which will show past injuries and if she claims the injuries were caused by her boyfriend, we're require to notify the policy hat she has injuries consistent with a beating. The policy will come and she can fill a report a abuse report and then taken to the home for abused women, which location is secret, until the next day when she'll be be escorted by two officers to her apartment to collect whatever belongings she needs for the time being.
The Center for Battered Women will work with the Public Defenders Office to secure prosecution of the boyfriend by getting an arrest warrant for the boyfriend on battering, if they haven't already charge him. And once she's with the Center they do everything to protect her and see that batters are charged and prosecuted.
Lawrence Elliott, MD, BCS
I am sorry if this seems harsh, but for all the people, including the doctors that keep saying tell your friend to go to a shelter, tell her to go to program, tell her to call the police, REALLY? If anyone of you knew someone who was abused so badly that her life was in danger this would not be your simple answer to this horrific problem. My friend, who is in a very scary, controlling dangerous relationship, is so scared to have people over to her house that even when he is in another country she will not. He will find out. I promise you that he will. This man is crazy, he is controlling, he tells her when she talks to mych, or laughs too much. She has no brain of her own, he controlls her when he isnt even with her. She would never call the police, go to a shelter or the likes. Because she knows that men like him, only go to jail for the night, shelters are traceable and he will find her. And she is right. These woman are not safe, not anywhere. And they are so scared that most of the time they will not even attempt to think about getting out. Stupid answers, how about if we could hear some answers from some people that have been through this instead of classic textbook bullshit. thanks
Im responding to you because I respect your honesty. My friend, a person I consider a family member, is in a situation. He was aggressive with her from the start but she is a fighter and fought back. Then she got pregnant. She was on drugs to deal with the pain but eventually entered a rehab program until the birth of her child. They now live with his family (her family is unsupportive and care more about themselves then others involved). His abuse has since escalated, in fact he broke her nose 3 days ago. I live out of state now and the most I feel I can do is be supportive without judgment (which is hard bc I love her dearly) and I have recently obtained information for her in regards to hotline numbers and things of that nature. She is so scared bc he and his family are threatening to take her child if she leaves him. I know she is scared that he will find her if she goes to a shelter. He is not very intelligent, not intelligent enough to search out of state for her so do you think it would be wise to have her stay here with the baby for a week or 2 so I can help her and support her? I know she may not go for the idea but should I leave the option open to her? I have children of my own so my home is comforting and safe...and my husband is not one to mess with. Or do you think I should just be the shoulder to cry on? I am scared he is going to kill her since he has decided to become even more physical than before and because she is now scared (she has seen and been through A LOT and never becomes frightened) I have become frightened for her safety. Not to mention what if she is holding the baby and he hits her...what if the baby is hit in the crossfire or she is hit with such force she drops him, he is only 2 weeks old. Help. Please. I want to help her but not sure how I should be involved. I do not want her to get hurt due to my involvement but I also do not want her to get hurt due to a lack of it.
i've been down this road with friends more than i care to remember. you can be a supportive friend, but in the end, it's up to your friend to get herself and her child out of this situation. nobody can do it for her.
beat the living crap out of him
No point calling the police she ain't going to turn him in and all they can do is slap a retraining order on him and well if he's threatened her he ain't going to give a **** about the retraining order he's gona keep doing it too her cos she's scared and he can get away with it... These not much you can do she has make the choice....
she needs to get out of there.. for herself and her child. You need to call the police and ask their advice and suggestion on what to do. Look up hotlines for abuse victims and call them.. ask questions.. tell your friend she needs to get the hell out of that house.. her life and the life of her child depends on it.
Unfortunately, she won't leave until she's ready to be done with him. If she has close neighbors you could try to appeal to them, tell them to please contact 911 if they happen to hear something. She's got a kid to think about, so if not for herself, for the baby.
Any old cell phone dials 911, it doesn't require service, buy the cheapest one on craigslist.
DO NOT call CPS, they call before they come, and that will put them more at risk.
All she has to do is dial 911, drop the phone under furniture, scream and the law will come beating down the door.
It'll give her plenty of time to gather their things and get the heck away. The police might be able to issue a temporary protective order so he has to stay away after he's spent the night in jail.
Don't make any effort to pull her away, just let her know you love her and are there for her. He's the evil she knows instead of the evil she doesn't know, so make sure she knows she can do better and she needs to before she can't make any more decisions. Her kid doesn't need to see that this is excusable behavior.
I'm with crosseyedmary get a few "good ol boy" friends to take him out somewhere in the woods nice and dark and beat the living **** out of him and let him know that if he ever touches your friend again the next beating he gets will be much much worse! a guy like that wont call the cops. Whats he gonna tell them? they beat me up because I'm a woman beater? As for your friend, to hell with how she feels about what actions you take against him! She is beyond deciding for herself and took it out of her hands when she exposed you and her kids to it! She may be pissed at you for awhile but she'll get over it when she comes to her senses! Do what you feel is right and what is right is exposing her situation and getting her out of it anyway you can! I know if it was my friend I wouldn't let her stay in that situation whether she liked it or not! If you live in a state that allows you to carry guns and keep them for your protection, have her come stay with you then wait for him to come for her. If he is on your property uninvited or breaks in you have every right to defend yourself if this man is dangerous! Good luck and best wishes and prayers for your friend!
Protect yourself first.
1. Does she want help? She may have an emotional dependency on him that will mean she will keep going back even if she leaves.
2. If she wants to leave, take her to a support organisation just to get information about her options: how to leave, what she can do, where she can go, how she can be safe... so that she can explore the options fully before she makes up her mind. Without a plan, it will be difficult for her to decide.
3. The threats are a police matter, and a restaining order will be needed.
This is a police matter, domestic violence is a scary thing. You are a good friend to try to help her but in this case you can help by not going over there for a while. Because you never know, you may end up over there when he gets really really violent then you can't get out. Call and get advice.
tell your there for her, then stay out of it, or you'll lose your friendship, as long as your there when she needs you that's all you can do
call child protective services