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My dad and my husband hate each other. My dad has never tried to control his temper and when things don't go his way, he resorts to swearing and name calling. I had 4 surgeries in a row recently and my dad said some things that upset me. My husband, being the man he is, reacted to it by talking to my dad on the phone, then in person. Nothing got solved and I got even more upset with my dad. Again, my husband tried to help, but when my dad was again insulting and rude in the things he said to my husband (this is my second marriage, with two kids from the previous one...my dad called him a worthless slip of paper and claimed more right to my children than my husband has - my husband is the only father my kids have ever known) my husband, in turn, said some scathing things back as a defense mechanism. My dad now is blaming me for his current poor health. What do I do? Distance hasn't worked, and he denies doing anything wrong even after he called me awful names in front of my kids.
MrsCheesehead MrsCheesehead 26-30, F 5 Answers Jul 13, 2012

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There is not much you can do. Your father, even being mean about it all has his point that he is in fact correct about how he "claimed more right to my children than my husband" He is a blood relative and your second husband is not.

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I can't believe you gave this as actual advise. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Being a father takes a lot more than a blood connection. Your father's behavior is unhealthy and destructive. If he treats you like that then he will likely treat your children the same way. Your husband, did his best by defending you but some people refuse to change. Your husband should NOT stoop to his level however. Your best bet is to set boundaries and rules regarding your relationship. I.E. Control your emotions, don't name call, etc. and enforce them. Let your father know that this is unacceptable behavior that you will not subject yourself or your family too. The ball is now in his court, he can make the decision to be a part of the healthy lifestyle you have make for yourself or he can self destruct alone.

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This situation sounds a rather difficult one, and there isn't a quick and easy answer. <br />
For now, best stay away from contact with your dad, even though that will be painful for you at first and maybe later. Perhaps in time, your dad will come to realise that your husband is the gem that you already know he is. Don't put him through any more pain than necessary, or he may decide that he's had enough and make the situation worse. <br />
Good luck, whichever way it goes.

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