As many of you know, I am pursuing a divorce, ...I have been telling him for months, if not years, that it's just not functional, and that I am miserable in this marriage. Saturday night, he was talking slurred, I noticed an empty pill bottle, and a syringe next to his insulin. I asked him if he took all the pills, and he said "could be"...I told him that I would call 911, so he tells me he took 70 lorazepan, 10 ambien, and 100 units of insulin. I call 911, they take him the ER, make him drink charcoal. I did not feel sorry for him. I was irritated. I had a sense that he was manipulating me. He said he wanted to know what cardiac arrest feels like. He said it's my fault, because I don't make it worth his while. The psychatrist tells me he doesn't feel it was a legitimate attempt, because my husband is intelligent, and has a whole bag of meds, and he picks the 2 that aren't likely to kill him. He said he believes it's manipulative. So, my gut was right. How would you react?
unicorn59 unicorn59 46-50, F 23 Answers Mar 24, 2009

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Feel sorry for him, but don't let him manipulate the situation. He has chosen to do or not do what got you guys to this situation. Now, you need to be strong. You can feel sorry for him, you can even help him but you might have to just leave him to do what he wants to do.

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Think of[ as if] it was a dream; the situation is making him so very ill.

Why does he have/is he on ,so many meds?? No where can he turn that is not saturated with some type of drug; conscious or unconcious,dreaming or awake, he is insulated from his very own life. In no way could he be sure if he even touched his own face with his own hand.

His 'heart'- the center of his emotional life ,is filled with pain. The pain has been growing steadily for years crowding out the love he once had;which is cause for more and more pain. ".....wanted to see what a cardiac arrest was like" - he just wanted his heart to stop feeling so much pain. The heart center is deeply linked to the subconscious mind,which in turn, has an overall effect on involuntary reaction. [why we do things very wrong and are unable to understand why} -as if helplessly standing there seing it all happen ]

He does not really know who he is any more. Not really. Is it possible for him to weed-out the meds and get his life back? If you find you actually care, and want to help, you may be the only one who can connect with the real person buried in the life of a zombie.

I don't know if I've said enough here; and I don't know the whole picture. If you do choose to help, it may change him forever. He must learn to give love out of his heart again as well as accept it.

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It's hard to tell. There may be an element of both. Since we don't know the total background of your relationship or his mental state we can only conjecture.

I think any suicide attempt should be taken seriously. He may try again and succeed. I know a guy, very sweet, gentle and sensitive and he attempted suicide several times. Apparently no one took that very seriously because one day his wife came home from work and when she opened the garage door, she found him hanging from the rafters. He succeeded.

It is very irresponsible for a psychiatrist to assume anything about someone attempting suicide. The first attempt may be "exploratory", the second, a serious try and the third...well...the last so to speak. Your irritation with it is natural as you don't love him anymore and don't want to be his caretaker. You feel manipulated and unable to get on with your life probably. That is sad for both of you. Are you getting therapy to try and make the break up as "kind" and bearable as possible? Are you still living in the same house?

I feel a sense of compassion for both of you. He obviously does not want the divorce and you do. Everyone has the right to be happy. BUT! Again, an attempt is more than a thought, it is a deed, a deed can become a reality. He needs help from a group or a kindly psychologist to get him through this. Bless you both.

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The psychiatrist is rite, but he left out the fact that your husband WILLINGLY drank activated charcoal AND left the bottles for you to discover instead of hiding them. Also, he came out and paraded himself afterwards so that you could save him. Keep in mind that what he did may of been for attention and so you could rediscover how much you love him, but it was dangerous never the less and he could of really died. If he does this again, do call an ambulance, but tell that doctor that he either has him committed or you will let him die next time because your husband is just not getting the point. Your husband will not listen or understand reason, so get your point across to the one who really needs to understand your position!

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I may be hard hearted, but if I break up with someone it just ****** me off to be manipulated. I'd tell him "Get it right next time. Save me some trouble.".

Like Saratoga said, time to get out. You can only control your own actions, nobody else's. And you are only responsible for your own.

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I think that this has nothing to do with you. He did this to himself. You should ignore it, get out, and follow through on the divorce. You cannot control his conduct. If he wishes to try and harm himself, that is his decision. Get out and cut all ties.

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An actual attempt to take one's life requires a lot of courage..

It could be an act of desperation, an act to snuff out a pain so unbearable or perhaps even a distinction of having gave up on everything and everyone including oneself..

Some of us may not condone such an act, after all trying to end it all may appear to be a form of cowardice yet how many of us are aware, what truly goes on in that intoxicated state? Call it a manipulative deed it you would, but under what circumstances would someone risk his/her own life?

Even if the pills are non-lethal, any form of medication in overdose has a side effect. It's fundamentally still an overdose, self-inflicted pain.

Pills are for the weak-willed some may say, but what if all that person wanted was to cling on to one's last thoughts as he/she passes on? And what if that last thought the person wanted to hold on to, was of you?

Life is full of tough choices and having to make one under extreme conditions, may not simply boil down to seeking for attention but a lost of self-control and rationale...

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He may be smart but there is still the chance he would have killed himself. You can't just overlook the fact that he tried to kill himself and he needs to be getting treated for his "depression." With that said none of this has to do with you although he will probably try to make you feel guilty about it for a long time.

i would insist he check himself into a mental health facility and if he refused I would take steps to make sure it happened anyway. If he is faking it then 30 days in a psych ward will give him plenty of reasons to never faje it again and at least you will have 30 days of peace while he is out of the house. Just a thought.

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OMG I am going through something very similar right now with my wife. She continually threatens to "walk" when things aren't up to her satisfaction, which usually means she's not able to smother me enough in her "love". "Walk", of course, is the term she uses for suicide, meaning she will throw herself in front of a speeding car, or off a bridge, or something of that nature. Then she wonders why my INCREASING resentment has sucked all of the love and care that I had for her out the window. How is everything going for you?

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"I know but one freedom & that is the freedom of the mind"

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The answer that gave me pause with most to think about was what BrotheroftheLeavZ had to say. It was to me the most sobering and humbling inspection of both hearts. Not just the husband's heart - the wife's heart too.

Inside of both hearts the battle rages and their understanding is dark. Because both their heartaches seek respite from its own snares in vain. Both hearts are empty in search for joy that endures and for that relentless ache to cease. Which is why she won't help him, and he can't help her, because both of their hearts is void of true worth -too much sorrow and grief. Possibly the only answer for either one of them at this point is to have mercy on the other one's soul.

Then just maybe, this husband will find a healthy, strong heart somewhere else who encourages and inspires him back to health. And she can continue her search for that joy that endures and floods her soul with peace.

I know I've used too many words to simply say this: they need to be nice to each other now. And enlist the needed help to get through this thing, this divorce, without demoralizing each other anymore.


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I think that most attempts at suicide are really just cries for help, although you nevfer really know when a "plan" migh backfire. I went through several years of that with a close friend. You need to just do what you were planning to anyway and get your life back on track. You can't do anything to help him until he wants to be helped and only he can decide when that is. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they are willing to help themselves, and when they are ready there is plenty of free help available.

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It sounds like he is trying to get attention from you and not actually commit suicide. If someone truly wants to die they will usually do it far away from people so they don't/can't stop them, but if someone is not actually wanting to die but is just having a lot of problems or is not getting the attention they need from their family then they might do something like this or leave suicide notes around so people will find them and report it etc.

He needs to get help for his problems, and you should not have to be dragged into it since you two are not in a relationship anymore. This is his problem to deal with not yours.

If he has a problem with you it is his problem and he needs to resolve it maturely.

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If he pulled it once he'll do it again. Commit him and file for separation or divorce. Tell the kids, if you have any, that you can't take it any longer. Pack up and leave if possible. People who threaten suicide and attempt it usually keep trying until they succeed. Hopefully he won't try to take you with him.

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This is what I think....I know that you are still married to the moment....But this is what I would do....Make sure to tell his family......

Go and see him once more....and tell him...That he needs help.....and that his getting the help is not going to stop the divorce.....and then tell him what the doctor told you...and that any more contact should be wwith your lawyer....Cold....yes.....But you need to protect yourself....For if you are really getting the divorce....You have to make that break...If you go back..Even for a short time...To get him better.....You weill have fallen into his trap....

Just make sure that his family knows what is going on...and he has that system of support...and that he is getting the help that he needs......Sometimes this is the best thing that you can do

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i agree in your thinking that it was an attempt to manipulate you and i wouldn't let it stop me from pursuing the divorce. my niece's ex did a similiar thing once. he had been arrested and my niece and his parents refused to bail him out of jail, so he attempted suicide in the hopes that someone would bail him out and it worked.

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I would have myself and a few belongings out of the house and file a restraining order against him, and if you have not yet filed, you now have perfect grounds. Get away and make a swift clean cut while you can. Then call me ;) jk!! -sxadickt

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What do psychiatrists know.....?

I took an overdose of pills I knew wouldn't kill me.

I did it for the simple reason that I'd tried so hard to let those closest to me that I was desperate, on the edge.

No-one listened.

I didn't want to die, I only wanted to be heard.

A psychiatrist told me I was attention-seeking......

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