Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
He's been texting this married woman for 2 yrs now on and off, 4 weeks ago he quit texting her due to me pitching a fit and he said he was tired of the fights just to have a "friend" but I know he's lying, he will go back to texting her, he always does. How can I trust him? He refuses counseling and I've gone in past but it does me no good if he won't acknowledge its him and he will never change. I've been married 22 yrs so its hard to walk away but I live with this pain every day and emptiness.
dianeO90 dianeO90 41-45, F 16 Answers Dec 18, 2012 in Broken Hearts & Betrayal

Your Response

Cancel

He's made his intentions pretty clear, as far as I can tell

Best Answer

How is an "emotional affair" different than a friendship?

Best Answer

My husband has several affairs when we were in our 20's. Now we are in our 35th year of marriage and I trust him and he doesn't trust me.

Best Answer

That'll make a person's head spin.

Best Answer

*i just saw this post and i pray that life has gotten better for you.*<br />
<br />
it is impossible to get over something that continues to happen. personally, i believe you already trust him...you trust him to continue the disrespectful actions he has consistently heaped on you for the last 2 years. the fact that you are aware of his infidelity, speaks more negativity about your character than it does his. do you feel that you deserve the treatment you are receiving? as you've stated, he has stopped before but, resumed the relationship at a later date. you are confident in that assessment, right? well, the same can be said for you. you yell, you scream and you make demands yet, you continuously take him back. sadly, your actions are the contributing factors to his deplorable behavior. you say it's hard to walk away...i ask you, why? he's obviously not the man you fell in love with 22 years ago...that man hasn't been seen for quite some time. no, your fear is the unknown and the uncertainty of what life will be without him. well, i'd be willing to bet that it would be a whole hell of a lot better than the life you are sharing with him now. the anxiety, the hurt, the sleepless nights, the tears and the lack of self-worth would all dissipate. and do you know why??? the person responsible for those unpleasant emotions would no longer have control because you would have taken it back...by walking away. i don't know you, but i am familiar with your story. it's quite common. you are a beautiful woman who deserves so much more than you are allowing yourself to obtain. he's not going to change, unless something forces him to. unfortunately, your complicance isn't going to make that happen. the solution is simple, really. love yourself more than you love the memories.

Best Answer

Of course he's still going to continue to text her. His claims of discontinuing the communication was just to shut you up. Two wrongs don't make a right but I'll be damned if you think your going to have a "friend" and I don't. Honestly, I would get a "friend" of my own if I don't want to leave the relationship. Obviously he no longer values the relationship.

Best Answer

He won't just stop until he makes changes in his life. In my opinion your significant other does NOT need to have.friends of.the.opposite sex that are NOT friends of YOUR relationship...otherwise you are treading dangerous waters. No relationship should.come.before the relationship of you and your man and if he cannot understand and respect that then you either need to leave him or accept his disrespectful behavior.

Best Answer

I will explain this but the answer I have is this: <br />
"I do not know why this is a pain for you."<br />
You can love every person in the entire world with all your heart, and as long as there is no physical contact, or secretly meeting in person, what difference does it make? <br />
Seriously now, How has this actually hurt you ?<br />
He obviously still loves you and comes home to you. You have been together for 22 years and if you have not broken up yet then you should not have to worry.<br />
<br />
Why do I have a hard time understanding this? I have friends that are female, and I even go places with them, (day time in public only) and I have even helped their families out with doing things, buying things for them and actually helping with watching their kids and making sure they get to school. <br />
<br />
Having people other than your spouse, that you love, is fine. As long as it is platonic. (which my case is) <br />
Personally I would NEVER want two women as lovers it would just be to much of a headache.<br />
<br />
So I say to you - stop being jealous and quit being so worried about it.<br />
<br />
Maybe even find a male friend to pal around with or text with, for yourself.

Best Answer

This had to be written.by a.male. We just think differently.

Best Answer

I agree, we get more attached and don't want to share our spouse

Best Answer

Are u married? R they married? Your giving emotional energy to someone else besides your spouse. It has for sure affected how he treats me.

Best Answer

Yes, I am in a very happy marriage, for 23 years now. This emotional energy that you speak of is in your mind and is made up of jealousy.
You want him to admit he has a problem yet you will not admit that you have one too.

Best Answer

You are right it was written by a male, and one that has been happily married for 23 years. The thought process you are talking about is called being jealous. Because you speak to someone does not mean that you are not true to your spouse.

Best Answer
2 More Responses

My husband cheated early on in our relationship. I put it behind me, but never really dealt with my feelings about it. My insecurities over that affair still pop up from time to time and it's been 24 years. Good luck.

Best Answer

This is so hard! I think the worst part is that he seems to be unwilling to do counseling. Has he confessed to this "emotional affair"? Or are you just surmising ba<x>sed on the knowledge you have? It seemed like he is in denial about the fact that this anything more than a friendship.<br />
<br />
Counseling would be the key, as to whether you could ever trust him again. And since he is unwilling to do that, I would have to say no, you can't trust him. So sorry for your pain, Diane.

Best Answer

First of all I am sorry to hear about your situation. Somehow he wants power over your relationship probably...he is keeping one foot out the door. How would he feel about you doing the same thing?

Best Answer

He gives me full permission but I value marriage vows so I don't.

Best Answer

Cheaters will always cheat, given the opportunity...it's a matter of honor. He obviously thinks that he needs this "friendship" outside the marriage. It's ultimatum time.. he has to choose. You, or the phone-friend. Tell him, and mean it. You have the right to his exclusive devotion.

Best Answer

Related Questions