I have to play devil's advocate here. It doesn't make sense to just throw away a relationship bc of your kid (unless your hubby has harmed the kid in some way.) Why does your hubby hate your son? Is the kid mooching off you and using you guys for money and shelter? Or does he pay rent? Is he respectful and observes the house rules? There might be a reason why your hubby is angry. Look into it and see if you can work something out w the both of them, while being fair to each. In my opinion, 24 is too old to be living at home. Give your boy some time to save and tell him to find his own place. It will be good for your marriage, and allow the kid to get some independence.
Husbands come and go....your son is your blood....always choose your children over a man....There's a lot of testosterone in your house with a husband and a 24 yr old son...I have a 24 year old son, too, and my husband has told me to my face that he can't stand any of my kids....and that I can't make him care about someone he doesn't want to care about....<br />
I told him, he's right....but I have the right to choose if I want to be with a man who not only feels that way about my kids, but cares so little of me, that he could even say that to me, their mom.....<br />
My counselor said he feels threatened by my kids, and the attention they get from me....He's a control freak, and if my kids are in the picture, he has less control....<br />
I told me husband he may as well get it through his head right now, my kids will ALWAYS come first.
This is not enough of details but when you married your husband you promised the Lord to stay with him until death do you part and I see that he is very much still alive so I would say to choose him. Your son should be out on his own taking care of himself by now and if not its ok to help him but not to the point that it interferes with your marriage . He will leave you someday and take his own wife and you will be alone with noone.If you cannot bring the 2 together than do what it takes to stay with both of them without ruining your marriage. Explain this to your son and hope he inderstands but if he doesnt thatn he cares only for himself and you should do the same.
I would always choose my children over any partner. I am their mother, and that bond is sacred and irreplacable. Partners are meant to be individuals who enrich your life, and you theirs.<br />
Even as a grown man, your son is your SON. That's not a relationship you can 'develop' another of.
It's time for your son to be a man and move out. If not it will only get worse. Do you get sex from your son? Did you tell your husband forsaking all others? Not that your having sex with your son, but that you probably won't be having it with your husband much longer. Does your son think it's right to ruin a marriage under GOD because he can't become a man?
You're in a bad place because you can't win. My husband is not the father of my two children who are now grown and not living at home. In the years before they moved out, there were many times that I wanted to throw in the towel because the tension and anger in my home was at times a toxic environment for all of us.<br />
My husband moved into my home with me and my kids. He came into our space and I'm sure it wasn't any easier for him than it was for them. I gotta tell you though, I can't see myself in a relationship where my kids were the ob<x>ject of someones hate. Blood is thicker than water. <br />
However, it is a two-way street and I think your son and husband need to agree to meet in the middle and reach a common ground. If your son honestly tries to do this and your husband doesn't, you have your answer. <br />
On the flip-side, if you husband tries and your son doesn't, you need to seriously consider your sons living arrangement. It may be best if he found his own place and he and his future wife can figure out how to continue to save money so they can get married. <br />
Personally, I think that's a lame excuse for his reason to live in your home and create tension between everyone. How big of a wedding do they think they need that necessitates two years of saving? <br />
How about offering him $1,000 bucks and tell him to elope? Could be a win-win for everyone involved and you won't feel the need to choose between one or the other.<br />
Good luck because it's not going to get any easier if something doesn't give.
Friends and spouses might come and go but your children are your children always.<br />
If your husband is so stupid that he thinks he can trump your son, he's too stupid to be married. That's a personal opinion of course...
I don't think you should have to choose. When I was 24 I didn't get on with my Dad either, but we just had to live with it.<br />
Although having read the previous posts perhaps I should add that if he's not the boy's biological father, you should tell him to behave himself or get out.
i dont think u should have to choose! have a 3 person discussion which might turn into a debate! if they love you it will turn out. i have a 13, and16 yr. old at home. i have also got 2 grown sons.
I have friends from other countries and they always find the American custom of kicking their kicks out of the home when they are 18 or in their early twenties cruel and bizarre. In many countries it is not unusual at all to have a 30 year old still living at home. I don't know what the history was before you and your husband got married, but if this was a situation that existed before he became involved or moved in (whose house is it BTW?) then he probably shouldn't complain if they are respectful of one another. Who is forcing the choice?
This one doesn't have enough facts... like, WHY is your son at home at the age of 24? And WHY does your hubby hate him? And for how long? And how does your son feel about hubby? And who is paying all the bills?<br />
I mean, if your hubby doesn't have any reason, and your son is working and going to school and paying rent, then... tell the hubby to take a flying F..K. But if the son is just hanging out, not paying rent, blowing weed and popping beer cans and generally being a bum... throw HIM out... it's your parental duty!
Is he going to school?????? Is he working??????<br />
Mine I always told them....You live under my roof.....There are choices....You work and help pay the household bills.....<br />
You go to school for a degree....you live here rent free....But you must always respect the family.....oud music....No wild drinking parties at home.....And No DRUGS...<br />
If they could not repect that...Well....They always knew where the door was......And if and when they wanted to abide by those rules.....They were always free to return home.....
son but dont baby him...(if u r) u should like tell him that he needs to find his own place hes grown now...after all he is 24....but not exactly kick him out...
not enough information, you need to figure out which one is causing the problem...... does he hate your son because he resents your husband ....or does he just hate him for who he is and because he is cramping your husbands style<br />
you need to have a family meeting ....<br />
your son needs your support and so does your husband ....and as mothers and lovers we have to satisfy both.......but we cant do that unless husband and son support you....<br />
maybe you and the hubby can manage somehow to get your son his own place and assist him financially in return for him doing chores or whatever......or build him a shed out the back...hmmmm thats real aussie eh...stick him out the back...so your hubby can relax in his own home<br />
i love my 30 year old son dearly but i hate living with him ...so when he has troubles and comes home....he sets himself up in the garage...cos he dont like living with me either
If your hubby hates your son, you better evaluate your relationship. Your son is your priority no matter his age or his situation. He didn't enter the relationship with you and your husband. Your husband entered the relationship between you and your son. If your son is living with you because he has to, your hubby needs to deal with that or leave. I would never let someone into my family and let them tear it apart. Stand for your son. If you feel he needs to move out, then that is something that YOU need to handle.
Firstly, a 24 yeard old son, whould not be living at home anymore, unles she has medical problems, such as wheelchair bound etc.<br />
A loving husband should not hate your son!<br />
Your husband should never put you into a situation, where you have to choose.<br />
If I had to choose, I would take my children! Please remember though that your son will move on, and then you will be alone. If you love your husband and do not want to lose him, can you not find a medium ground, by helping your son to find a place of his own?
You know your situation best. Trust your judgments I say..<br />
Why does your husband hates your son? Would you hate him if you weren't his mother? If you left your husband for your TWENTY FOUR year old son, would your son appreciate it? And above alllll, do you love your husband?<br />
Can you work it out without having to let go with one of them?
Your husband shouldn't have said that. He wasn't mindful of your feelings. He knows u and your son comes as a package. Make the decision that is right for u regardless what your husband says. The man is your child after all.
Add a response...