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My marriage is okay. It has improved since the time I found out the husband was having a cyber affair with someone from his past. However, today he approached me with a proposition of having someone on the side as a supplement. I flat out said no. But he wasn't satisfied with my answer. I told him that I was fine with his **** watching and with him "camming" with complete strangers (as long as his face wasn't identifiable), but having a supplement is not an option. I thought I made a good compromise considering that he needs another sexual outlet. Anyway, he went into this whole rant about how he has to cater to my moods while his needs aren't being met. I admit, I am moody...especially around my period. However, I'm a good wife. I cook, clean, and take care of the children. My whole life is about catering to everyone else, and by the time I have to cater to him, I'm all tapped out. How can I make my sex drive match my husband's so his sexual needs can be met? Thanks!
the16thdae the16thdae 31-35, F 6 Answers Jan 15, 2011

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Agreed with the other selfish comments but getting him to see that is more the challenge. He's being an *** and the only comprise is to have him see how much you work.. Being tapped out at the end of the day is one of the key things he could work on. I'm sure you'd be all over him if he showed and did things to reduce your stress, and at the end of the day you truely felt like you could give. Demanding things his way without giving you anything is just rude and unloving. It takes two to have a relationship and his effort is directed towards fullfilling his goals without addressing yours. That isn't fair and isn't a balanced relationship.

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You're right! When I feel loved and appreciated, I want to please him more but when he starts walking around here feeling entitled, I wanna shut down and be elsewhere.

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Granted he sounds like a jerk of a husband, you have allowed more than many wifes, web sex, would send many wives into a rage. Still once a week is not a lot of sex. Counseling is an easy answer, but not always an option, cost, time, unwilling partner. I think a compromise is need, I know this sounds crazy but you need sit down and talk about whats going on, sexual and behavior wise, Then negotiate "He really makes me hate him sometimes" have him work on his behavior. And you cater to his sexual needs some. *** for tat, explore his and your fantasies. role play. it is going to be difficult but it could be fun, for both of you. As far as him wanting some on the side, NO thats not going to make things better at home for you or the kids. He can get all he wants on the side after the divorce. Make sure you tell him. one thing you never mentioned the one time a week, does he please you or is it. wham bam thank you mam are you pleased does he even care?

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Sometimes it's wham bam thank you mam, and sometimes he can be a very attentive lover. I'm married to a Gemini if that means anything. One day he can be one person, and the next minute he can be another.

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Sorry--But have to disagree here!

The same old same old(esp. sexually) won't cut the mustard forever!Taking care of house& home--he could board or live with his mother for that!

Working "Together" you could become each others **** stars!

I guess it's up to you to deciede if "YOU" think your marrage is worth the time& effort to improve things!

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Unlike his mother, he gets sex at least once a week. So he's not completely deprived. My sex drive really starts to die down when I'm about to start my period; hence the reason for the conversation today. Plus, he makes it hard to want to have sex with him when he as unrealistic expectations of everyone. Expecting my 9 year old not to be absent-minded sometimes, and then when he screws up, my husband rants and raves like a freaking crazy person. Who would want to have sex with that?!!! He really make me hate him sometimes!

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I think he is being really selfish, but a marriage is a partnership and maybe removing (or reducing) the reasons he gives for his behavior will tell you if he is just a jerk or if he is genuinely unhappy overall.

Either way, if you value your marriage, I suggest counseling. You both need a safe, objective forum to speak openly and without getting into a fight.

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