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i don't know how to react Ive been with him for 15 years now,i just cant leave him what about the kids we've built so much together. thanks for all the concern guys he apologized and everything's fine now.i pushed him i shouldn't have pushed hi.it my fault but he apologized
princesspeace princesspeace 46-50, F 116 Answers Aug 1, 2010

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People that have never experienced it, can never understand. They think the women that stay are stupid, weak, brainwashed, in denial. They will never understand the dilemma....do I leave and strike out on my own , with my kids? Will I be homeless. will my kids have food and clothes? Was this just a freak incident. will he do it again? Is he genuinely sorry? What will he do if I take the kids and leave? I have no money and the car is in his name, can he have me arrested, if I take it without permission? <br />
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So many uncertainties, so many questions, so much responsibility, if there are children involved. <br />
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I understand. You are not alone.

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thank you

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THATS WHY U WORK AND PLAN OUT STUFF BEFORE U MAKE A MOVE. U JUST DONT LEAVE WHEN U HAVE NOTHING THAT IS STUPID THEN U DEFIANTLY BE HOMELESS. U USE YOUR BRAIN. FIGURE OUT YOUR PLANS, MEANING GETTING A JOB. THEN A PLACE AND CAR. LET YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY HELP U IF U CAN. IF NOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN. ALWAYS ALWAYS PRAY AND ASK GOD TO LEAD U.

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If you can't leave because of the kids and all you have built together, prepare to be progressively more attacked, more frequently. Expect humiliation even in front of the kids. Expect the kids to internalize the behavior and either support you emotionally but quietly in fear of their father or to victimize you as he does out of fear. Expect that behind the scenes somebody this morally bankrupt will make efforts to keep you from ever getting your fair share in a divorce as he hides assets just in case. Expect yourself to become progressively more depressed, and ashamed of yourself for refusing to be a human being for your self. Expect your life to pass by in a parade of misery and at the end, he will take all you have built together away from you anyway. <br />
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Really, sweetie, good luck on this.

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what a muther fuucker! he better apologize and make amends and stop this behavior immediately. seriously i don' t care what you've built, you can rebuild, i've done it. i've left an abusive relationship, you can too.............it cost me a lot of money, it might cost you money too. but if he's abusive, get OUT>

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Once thereĀ“s a once, theres a twice, three times...

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fits of rage are no excuse.. lost tempers are bullshit.. he crossed a line and yes it's complicated, but you can't just let it be.. or else it may happen again.. and why take that chance

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Realistically, none of us here on EP know enough about your situation to label your husband as abusive or advise you to leave him based on this one thread, especially if you've been married for 15 years and he's never slapped you before. Telling you to leave your husband and take the kids without sufficient information is foolish, so please be careful of ruining your marriage based on our premature responses. If he were an abusive man then it likely wouldn't have taken him a decade and a half to react the way that he did.<br />
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Granted, there is no acceptable excuse for him to slap you, however there are definately factors in the world that you shouldn't ignore because when it's all said and done, everyone is capable of raising their hand against another given the right combination of stimulai and emotional strain. Everything from chemical imbalances to post-tramautic stress syndromes can play a major part in physical abuse, which are legitimate and completely involuntary factors that could cause a man to do such a horrible thing. The aforementioned are also factors that require professional and perhaps medical help to resolve. I never hit my wife and could never imagine myself doing such a thing, but I also think that if you abandon your husband without taking those other unnatural elements into account, that would be a heartless thing to do; I have known good married soldiers whose mental states had been negatively altered after deployments; they became angry and violent due to no fault of their own, but the medical and psychological aid that they receieved did help to recover some of them. So I think that seeking the police even in your case would be jumping the gun...unless you don't love him anymore and want your marriage to end. The key solution here is to "talk" about what happened. Talking is the only way your 15 year marriage can last another 15 years and more. Talk about your families, your jobs, the stress of daily life and raising a family, whether you both need some recovery time before you break. And don't forget about the marriage counseling option. No one is so perfect that they are incapable of lashing out unintentionally, we're only human.<br />
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For the record, I think there are more cases of women hitting men in a non-playful way among relationships then the other way around. The difference is that the average man wouldn't report their abuse and instead choose to work it out. I don't like how society depicts men as the only ones who ever slap their mate, while completely ignoring how violent women can be. A lot of husbands would have busted up faces too if they did not learn how to dodge the various ob<x>jects their wives throw at them or they let their backs take the bruises.<br />
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I hope the two of you can work it out, neither you nor your husband deserve to be hit. (Unless cheating is involved; then one of you needs to worry, heh.)

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YA DID THE RIGHT THING HON YOUR HUSBAND IS YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM YOU WOULD DIE.DONT LAY A FINGER ON HIM HE WAS JUST BEING A MAN.YOU DID FINE

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A real 'man' would never strke a woman. Whether you stay,leave,whatever you are dealing with a childish man.

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When that line is crossed there is only one thing to do....<br />
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Most people do not just abuse just once....it is progressive like a disease. <br />
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He disrespected and HURT you by physically putting his hand on you...If you respect yourself and your children...you should plan a SMART WAY OUT. Make a good plan and do it. Make a police report....too many spouses are killing eachother these days....stay safe for the kids!<br />
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If you want to stay for the sake of the children...wake up! Your children will only learn to abuse or be abused. If you really have that LOVE in your heart...that will direct you in what to do. Keep in tune with it...

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Simple and easy CALL THE POLICE <br />
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Charge him if you dont you will get another slap or even worse

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Oh My!!!! i dont know what to say...is this the first time? No matter what you did you didnt deserve it. I think he needs to see a therapist about these 'fits'...I hope your kids didnt see...hmm get help from some close friends see what they say...close friends would know u very well and may be able to give you some advice..good luck and i hope your okay..

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o hell no slap that fu** bck wat the hell does he thnk of himself

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BTCH IS YEW FUKEN CRAZY!! SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG WIT YO FUKEN HEAD. I WOULD HAVE SLAPPED YEW TOO! MANE DOG DNT LET DAT ***** NIGGA HIT YEW BEAT DA *** OUT OF HIS DUUCK ***. GUL MY NIGGA DNE PUT RESTRAINING ORDERS ON ME ND CALLED DA LAWS ON ME PLENTY OF TIMES KUHZ I BE BEATING DA *** OUT OF HIM. EVEN THO IM SMALL I WILL DO SUM FUKEN DAMAGE. MY NIGGA NO BETTA KUHZ I WILL SHOOT HIS ***** AFACE. TRY STRANGLING HIM BUT DNT KILL HIM. JUST SCARE HIM. LET DAT ***** NIOGGA NO WHO WEAR DA FUKEN PANTS IN DA REALATIONSHIP. AND DATS SUM REAL NIGGA ****!!!

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OMG SLAP HIM BACK!

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Our thirty second wedding anniversary is August 12th. We have built up fortunes and lost all of them, raised three great kids, lost several jobs between us. We had many more tough times than good but in all of this I NEVER struck my wife! NEVER! It always begins with one slap or kick or shove. It is always,"Oh Honey, I am so so sorry It will never happen again." A huge majority of them that were forgiven the first time will be repeat offenders and the ones that loved them and forgave them were on the receiving end of all the next times. Once a hitter Always a hitter. As bad as you think it is right now, grab your children and get away from him. He needs anger management to say the least Get away from him befofe he strikes you again and the next time will be worse.

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i have not read all the responses u got or the replys u gave but i can see u are making excuses for him so all i can tell u is what u whant to hear go an d get ur self some heavy duty make up to cover the bruising and enjoy the pain humiliasion that will follow and i hpoe God willl keep ur kids out of harms way

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We have been married forty (40) years. We have not yet had our first argument. While we don't always agree, we do agree to disagree and sleep on it. We have, so far, always managed to reach a mutually satisfactory solution. I cannot imagine arguing with my wife, no less slapping her. <br />
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I understand the issues involved, they are neither simple nor easy to deal with under the circumstances.<br />
Between children, a faithful marriage, a home, other assets, it becomes complicated. Nevertheless, if I were the female in this case, I would draw a line in the sand right now. My husband would have a choice. Either we get an immediate divorce or he posts a $100,000 bond which is to your benefit if he ever strikes you again. The bond can be in the form of a legally binding contract that states upon proof of physical violence, you get the first $100,000 of marital assets. The balance would then be divided equally in a prearranged divorce. It would certainly give him reason to think before he strikes you again.

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well you did push him its just about energy cause and effect.what you put to the universe comes back to you so it was your karma.just watch out for karma

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Was this before or after you kicked him on the groin?

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I think you'd already made your decision princess ... before you even posted this. I don't think you want to leave him and you are looking for the justification for staying ... it's wrong that he hit you ... you know that ... whether you pushed him or not ... if you are willing to live with the possibility that he might do it again ... then fine ... but these things rarely solve themselves ... I know you are trying to put the welfare of the children first ... but how far are you willing to go ... allowing him to hit you only when the children don't witness it? Think about it.

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