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My husband of 8 years cheated on me last year. He ended it, we worked it out....but I found out he's still talking to her. I confronted him with the proof I found. He denies these word documents & claims he was just venting but never emailed them. I don't believe him. He says he loves me & wants me & wants us to work. I love him dearly & I WANT to believe him...but I know he's lying. What do I do? Or what would you do in this situation.
kittde kittde 26-30, F 29 Answers Sep 1, 2012 in Affairs

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You love a liar ? You love a person whom you cannot trust ?

You love a man who is risking bringing home (TO YOU) a sexually transmitted disease?

Do you want HIV, Herpies, or any other disease?

He does not know who she has been with. And if she is willing to do that with him then she is willing to do it with others to him.

You are risikng YOUR OWN LIFE so get him tested NOW !



If you and he were both good with the extramarital thing and you could live with that then he would still have to be honest about it.



I am a simple person and I will allow my spouse to do anything she wants, except lie to me.

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Several questions, you don't need to answer but just ask yourself: what do you think a marriage is? What's important in a marriage (communication, trust, chemistry, etc)? Could you honestly forgive and forget or would this make you resentful, jealous, and/or untrusting? Can you trust him again? Would you want to?

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Even if he is just writing word documents to her...and not sending them...he is thinking about her all the time, and you have documented proof of that. Talk to a good lawyer this week, and make sure you will get the house. Don't give him any warning...or make any remarks that will let him know you are going to do this. Any man who cheats on his wife...like he did last year...and now lies about it...deserves that. Don't be like me and let him off scott free.

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You don't exactly know that he is lying, but if you have a gut feeling about it, i'd put stock in that. I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult thing :( If I was you I would explain how you felt when you read those. I hope he cares enough about you to put that behind him and focus on your needs and the relationship. I'm sorry you are going through this :( *hugs*

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He has forfeited his right to privacy. He should be begging you to let him prove he's clean. It would be easy and simple for any of us to say "leave him" because if you can't trust him, what do you have? He has forfeited his right to privacy. He should be begging you to let him prove he's clean. But if you want to make it work, he should be willing to lay open everything he has, email, phone statements, all passwords should be provided to you and snooping software installed so you know if he's opened other "new" accounts. Also use GPS tracking apps on his phone so you know where he is. He has forfeited his right to privacy. He should be begging you to let him prove he's clean. Trust is earned. Don't just hand it back to him. Make him earn it. Otherwise he's proving to you that he doesn't really respect you. He has forfeited his right to privacy. He should be begging you to let him prove he's clean.

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a relationship is supposed to be a source of support for all the stress of daily life. as relationships get more serious, they can be a little bit more stressful, but never should they become like this. people lose sleep, break down, and even make terrible choices when stressed. you don't deserve this kind of stress. i would say "you know what, fine. i'll give you the benefit of the doubt. but the fact that something that 'never happened' is stressing me out to no end is a problem, and i don't plan to sit here and take it. we need to step back and take a break. figure out this **** with that girl. you owe it to me, and you owe it to her. figure out what you want. don't waste my time claiming to want a relationship you can't even treat seriously." then i would go over the rules of a "break"- no sex with each other, no sex with other people, no talking or texting, just an amount of time to gather our thoughts and get our **** together and figure out whether life is better or lacking because the other person isn't around.



take this break (a two to four week period) as time to distance yourself emotionally from him and figure out what you will do if he chooses to leave. also take this time to see if he'll get serious and wrap up loose ends. don't throw a *****-fit if he doesn't, he's not worth the attention. but if he does, it shows that he's willing to try to earn your trust back and repair your relationship. but from there you decide if he's really worth another chance.

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To me, in my prospective point of view......file your divorce! It's not worth at all for the relationship of marriage continuing to go on. He was unfaithful since day one! how could you love a person, respect the person and still put you through all that hell. if it's not working the first time, then it won't work at all! if a man says that he loves you and lie to you at the same time, then he wasn't faithfuI and took the marriage vows seriously. If this woman in his life is more precious to him than you, then the marriage was over from the beginning! I would be more happy to file the divorce papers and be a free woman than let a man keep hurting myself for a double life he's doing. It's not worth it!

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This is such a painful situation and not an easy one to solve. It's all up to you and what you feel in the deepest part of your heart. You know what's going on, no matter what he says, he's lying. I know that man code: deny, deny, deny, and it sucks.

No one deserves to be cheated on once, but mistakes are made and people can change, but twice? I don't know that I would trust him again, and that's not a healthy relationship. If nothing else you deserve to be happy and secure, not always checking emails and phone records. In the end, if you stay and he doesn't change, you will be the one that suffers, not him.

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mostly men , will do things and denies it until they die, just so they can avoid confrontation and avoid have to "think" and deal with what they have done. Same here my EX husband ( 8 years also married and no kids )also had an affair with a co worker, I found out and went supernova, I got proof of everything, emails / chats/ phone msgs /texts and more, yet he denies, saying it was all a friend who he spend too much time with, and for it he was sorry... and that was sort of my fault because I work too much and I am too busy.. POOR HIM!

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im sorry :'( that is the worst kind of pain. you know what you need to do...even tho its the hardest thing in the world, he wasn't thinking of you when he was with her. that kind of person is a slimy slug & you deserve better..i'll pray for you luv.

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Your husband has been unfaithful once and you forgave him. Some would say you should have left him then. If you believe he is still being unfaithful then you are probably right, and even if you aren't you clearly don't trust your husband any more. If you stay with him you are just going to torture yourself wondering if he's playing away again so the only sensible option for you seems to be to leave him.

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At some point you have to decide when you've had enough of the BS. In my opinion if he has cheating on you with her then and what he says is true about wanting the relationship to work then he should not be talking or having any contact with her. She should not be in your relationship with him at all.. Three is a crowd. Might be good time to take a step back..reflect and take some time for yourself. I've been there and done that and was in a seven year relationship that caused me health problems from all the stress from all the lies and cheating. I don't with that crap on anyone... I don't understand why some men say one thing and then do another.

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think how good you would feel to have a faithful husband!!-- do you deserve one???

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You wouldn't consider continuing to lease a car that didn't perform according to the agreed-upon contract, so why continue on with this?

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I stick out marriages for too long after they go bad. If you don't believe him, then he will never be truthful again. The affair is probably still going on, at least in his heart.

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I wouldn't know what to do. I would talk to him frankly, honestly, and without an ounce of my emotions about what's going on, and see where things go from there. You need to talk to him. Hopefully, you can be frank enough that he will drop all appearances and you can have an honest conversation -- which is what you need right now. Talking to us won't help, talk to him.

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I believe everyone deserves ONE second chance.. you already gave it to hime and now that he's doing it again just proves that he's taking you for granted. If I were you, I'd leave him. You can't find Mr. Right if you're still with Mr. Wrong..

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*him

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