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droopydraws droopydraws 46-50 25 Answers May 31, 2009

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As drix said, that's not a question.<br />
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But yes, of course he does. Abusers never take responsibility for their own actions.

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Do not accept responsibility for his actions. As others have pointed out, he is shifting the blame for his actions onto you. This is abuse and I can only advise you to leave. This is very hard to do if your self esteem is low (which often happens in abusive marriages) but it is the best way to save yourself. Wishing you a happier future.

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That's a sign of a socialpath..he's troubled so be very careful.

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Abusers ALWAYS use this line. They want you to think it is your fault, they manipulate you into thinking it is by playing mind games with you. They want to ensure they lower your self esteem and emotionally you wind up being a mess. My ex was like this, dont listen to him, get help and get out!!

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99% of abusers will tell you that the abuse is your own fault.<br />
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They're full of crap, it's NOT your fault. It's a game they play to mess with you emotionally and bring down your self esteem.

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In a way it IS your fault....but not for the reason you might think. It's not your fault he's the abuser. Telling you it's your fault is the way abusers justify their actions and their treatment of you. It's your "fault" for not recognizing this is the way he will always be and for not taking one of the following actions (your ONLY choices, by the way): <br />
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1) Seek professional help...not answers from EP members....but some of whom ARE right in telling you it's all him, not you. <br />
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2) Get out of the relationship...abusers NEVER GET BETTER ON THEIR OWN no matter what they promise or even if they WANT to change. You WANT them to change...and THEY might even want to change...but without PROFESSIONAL HELP (e.g. REGULAR COUNSELING VISITS...not a couple of trips to a relationship person or posting at EP). Without this, NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE! People have been KILLED, BEATEN and currently LIVE IN FEAR of the person who sleeps right next to them in bed each night. Help both of yourselves and TAKE ACTION TODAY! Call your church, call a domestic abuse hotline to seek resources...do whatever it takes to help him if you want to save the marriage...or just leave. Letting things continue (especially with him telling you that BS) will only allow things to escalate far worse than they now are today. Repeat: It NEVER GETS BETTER ON ITS OWN...ESPECIALLY WITH HIM IN DENIAL AND INSTEAD, BLAMING YOU FOR HIS FAULTS. YOUR ONLY "FAULT" IS IN ALLOWING IT TO CONTINUE! PLEASE HELP BOTH OF YOU!

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If he doesn't stop abusing you and start taking responsibility for his own actions, get the hell away from him.

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That sounds like bullsh*t. It's his fault for not being able to deal with whatever "forces" him to take it out on you. Either get him to change (and he'll more than likely need your support for this) or find someone who won't blame his problems on you. I've been through this myself. I wish you luck.

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I believe you, but women also. I had a girlfriend who did this. I think its control. To get what they want they use this type of abuse.

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He lies,

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People that are abusive, never take responsibility for their actions, even if they are about to lose that person.<br />
So be prepared to either walk out of this or if you choose to stay...get used to it. Do you deserve that?<br />
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Abusers can dish it out, but they cannot take it.<br />
Abusers can manipulate people into believing your the problem, not them. That its your fault no matter what.<br />
Abusers never self evaluate, but very good at pointing out your faults. <br />
Secretive, mouthy, bad language, physical with tantrums.<br />
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If you are experiencing any of these, please do not invest any more of your precious time and move on.<br />
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Remember : YOU CANT FIX THIS AND YOUR THE ONE WHO WILL HAVE THE DAMAGES. NOT THEM.

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GET OUT NOW. PHYSICAL IS NEXT! HE THINKS HE IS JUSTIFIED AND HE IS TRYING TO GUILT YOU INTO TAKING THE BLAME FOR HIS MISTAKES!!!!! IT ONLY GETS WORSE!!!!

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get out stay out! if he wants proffesional help encourage him to get it but tell him that ur going to be on your own while he does it, you can support him only when he works thru this by himself and u need time to heal and realise your worth more than hes given you, i stayed with my husband thru all his verbal abuse i convinced myself he was sorry, it just got worse, he thought strangling me each nite was a lesson in love? i had no where to turn and thank god that i finally got out, please take everyones advice, it may not be a permanent split if he works hard and u rebuild your self worth, u may even come to the conclusion that u dont need or want him, love can get confusing in a situation like this, half the time its fear and self loathing that keeps us tied to these men, but u will find out that he needs u more than u need him, good luck and take care

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NO NO NO.<br />
It is not your fault. You must believe this.<br />
Look to the Lord for answers.

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Whenever something bad happens we always think its our fault...may we could had avoided it or may be i would have done this instead that...that whats make us complex species. You know you are in pain, you have told your friends, parents or relatives and that didn't worked so you are trying the internet. <br />
Well nobody knows you better than yourself. If you think its your fault..think hader..i used to imagine myself from entirely differen perpective as if i was a total stranger to myself. Things becomes more clear when you try to observe from different direction.<br />
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If you think i should run away but can't due to certain complexities, then you should try to make things simpler...end those complexities and it would eventualy end your burden on the hearth.

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Actually that's [it being entirely his fault guaranteed - sorry lots of ppl answered between me clicking answer and me posting] simply not true. I am a caring individual, as has always been said by anyone I've come into contact with, unless they were a fascist. Even then I try to understand where they're coming from (everyone's actions stem from something/somewhere), and to show them that other ways exist that fit what they want out of life better.<br />
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But my ex girlfriend was different: she had a negative mindset, and was living an unhealthy life ignoring everything that she didn't like. I simply tried to softly softly prove she was doing this, using caring, logical tones over a couple of years of our relationship. I simply picked things she didn't like, like the messy place she was living in, and showed her that there were ways of making it better - she just had to realise that living life wasn't so bad (or difficult) after all (she was a computer game addict then). After a while (some 6 months) I started getting frustrated and so on, which led me to have less patience. I was still just pointing things out (nothing physical - that I agree is purely the fault of the abuser), but I didn't have time or will power enough to argue the point until it hit home for the thousandth time. She considered that to be abusive, and I considered her not living the life she wanted to be abusive: it gave her an overall negative outlook which was rubbing off on me. It wasn't going to change, so we ended it.<br />
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I don't know what sort of verbal abuse you're getting, or how long it's been going on for - yes, it can be classed as verbal abuse; but what sort of abuse have you subjected your husband to without realising it?<br />
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Naturally I'm not trying to imply anything _at all_. Just asking questions to make you thnk - asking the right questions is all it takes sometimes.<br />
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Good luck!

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.... and you say .... bullshit and walk out the door.<br />
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Yes .... I'm the same idiot who posted the question about whether I should get back with my ex who choked me until I went unconscious and got a neck injury... BUT, I have seen the light.<br />
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So ... you may go through some lonely, hurting, horrible times ... but at least you will be on your own to sort things out. And maybe he needs some alone time too. Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse .. it is selfish and controlling ... it isn't love. <br />
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Good luck, sweetie. GJ

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they all say that, my husband hit me a couple of weeks ago, and he says it's my fault and I have to take responsibility for it he also says emotional abuse is'nt illeagal, but I say screw that, a man is a man a punk is a punk and you are responsible for what comes out of your mouth not his, you can't make a horse drink if he doesn't want to right

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My husband does this too but actually he is just a pig!

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That doesn't sound like a question, but I'm sure that's not true.. There is never a justifiable reason to abuse another person..

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