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tapme19 tapme19 56-60 19 Answers Apr 19, 2012

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I am assuming that he was raped BEFORE you got married? No, sex is not everything but it is an integral part of a healthy marriage. It is not selfish to want a loving relationship you can express physically. To me, he is selfish for not wanting to at least try to get help. It sounds a little like false advertising for him to have married you with these issues.

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i think thats an excuse. He probably has turned gay or battling with the idea. Check to see if he still wants this relationship before beating up on your self. It seems like he doesnt like vagina OR yours.

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I am amazed at the number of women that have attacked your husband to one level or another, in their responses. The ones that dismiss his story of rape as being a cover for latent homosexuality particularly disgust me. If a man questions a female accusation of rape, all hell breaks loose. But that is another topic. <br />
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My question is are you looking for advice on how to be supportive of your husband, or are you just interested in how to cope with your lack of sex, while he does or doesn't deal with his issues?<br />
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If it is all about you, then listen to the selfish woman that have already responded. If you are interested in supporting your husband then read on.<br />
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I am not your husband, and I do not know him personally, but even if I did, I would never try to speculate what he is going through. I have been raped, so I do know that he has to deal with the emasculating effect of the rape as well as the physical assault. Right or wrong, if is something a woman, no matter how supportive, can understand. Magnify this with the general independent nature of men, asking for help is abhorrent to many. The best advice is to let him know that you are there for him. If he does not want to get professional advise, suggest that if he hasn't already, get online and look for websites that can provide anonymous dialog about the topic. The real issue what is more important to you , your marriage and relationship with him, or sex. The same goes for him. Let him know that you will be there for him because you want to stay married, and you hope that he understands he has a responsibility to try to get through this as well. It will be up to you how long you are willing to wait, if sex is a make or break aspect of marriage for you.

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Its interesting to observe all the anger and frustration vented toward the husband in this scenario where he is ostensibly the victim. I was raped many years ago and ran into the same attitude when i tried to get help, primarily from women. I saw therapists but the best help I got was from my peers in drug rehab and also from a websire for survivors of male sexual abuse.

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I went through a time where everything in my new wonderful relationship was going good. Then It happened, the horriable truths of my childhood sexual abuses came out of hiding. I remembered everything. I could no longer have sex. Or when I did or (do) the memories flood me like a titlewave. I have gone through christian studies with Beth Moore and they have helped me come to terms with all of this. I still have issues and probably will. But I am learning to stay focused on my husband and God during sex. Knowing that God created sex for married couples and asking Jesus to give me the desire for my husband. It helps, it is still a struggle and always will be, but it is becoming managable and more enjoyable too. Something I will always have to work on. Maybe there is a christian study out there for men as well. I have been in Beth Moore bible studies for about 10 years now. With God, all things are possiable.

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Wow!!! I'm very sorry about your situation. You definetely need to do what's best for you!! Maybe you should enroll in some classes, fill your day with extra activities so that you won't think about it so much.

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How does he cope!<br />
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On balance your lack of sex is is a miniscule problem compared to him being raped. Do him a favour and leave him. You seem very selfish. Or you could support him and use a vibrator to get rid of your sexual frustration.

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I think that's unfair. She clearly wants to work through this...and to act as if wanting a s'x life is selfish...shows a lack of understanding on your part...not hers.

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I think you should get yourself into counseling to help you with his refusal to seek help. A therapist could help you with coping strategies and hopefully he would eventually be able to get the helps that he needs.

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then find others he wil talk too you both have to understand what happened in the past and you can work tought iy with baby steps

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I've had sex with my husband 3 times in 7 years - since he found out he was infertile. He won't get counselling - you totally have my sympathy. I'd leave him but we adopted and at the moment I think him being there is better for my daughter than not. (there are other issues too not just the sex). Love and hugs from me to you xxx

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Learn to play with toys

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Support him

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Tell him you need for him to have sex with you or:<br />
You will have sex with someone else and stay married.<br />
You will leave him.

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It's not fair this is all on you. He really needs help. Even if you have to force it upon him. :(

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Communication , you must make him feel comfortable and he must heal from the experience x

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