Hang in there. It sounds really rough. I know it's true that a mom can have serious mental issues and portray hate to her child - it's quite devastating to the child. It's a very real thing. I'm so sorry you're experiencing it. I've experienced it too. Even though you know that the issue is with your mom and not you, it still destroys your self esteem, etc. I don't have an answer for how to overcome this or fill the void left by your mom. I know that for me, it helped greatly to find God. I'll say a prayer for you.
How do we know this is true?
Find a safe place and get into family counsling
You have a big problem if you are under 21.
How old are you?