Draw a line on just how much B S you"ll put up with. You don't have to put up with abuse to your heart, it isn't 't healthy. Yes, she's your mom and you don't want to live with regret ,regret is never a good thing to live with neither is a broken heart. Let her know you love her and with that let her know how you feel if this upsets her then it's a feeling she will have to be burdened with.
Take it from someone that doesn't have their mother around anymore. A little BS is easy to put up with against a lifetime of never seeing that person again or having that shoulder to lean on.
Do not completely shut yourself off. You will regret that
Her bs may effect your health. I'd find ways of dealing with your guilt first.
It can be hard. I had a similar relationship with my mother. I moved on with my life and dealt with my issues regarding her. Now, in her old age, I have returned, but I have learnt to visit with her without letting her effect me. She can still be cruel, and say cruel things, but it no longer effects me. I have forgiven her -- she can be no other way in this life and I am OK with that.
I lived fairly close by (25 miles away), but I drastically limited my visits. Luckily, my wife's family were sane and supportive.
There probably are support groups for just what you are going through. Its very common. A support system is a good thing to have. Good luck. I went through it for 22 years before I was able to move out and on with my life.
My mom was mean too and dad a jerk. She did the same things . I was closer to here and took care of her till she passed five years ago. Six months after my brother. I miss her everyday-stay in touch with yours. You won't regret it. Sometimes it was how they were raised I was really screwed up after her passing. Sometimes mean people just need more love.
Hey, I forgive my relatives for all their bs...as they forgive me for mine :-)
Her issues are becoming your agita! Sometimes you just have to look someone(yep,even mom!)and state plainly,firmly but (gently,but with respect?) that certain topics or comments are not going to fly.This can be tough,but necessary.Of course the old reverse guilt can be employed:Mom,thats my dad you're talking about! Its true and is the nub of your problem.Good luck,this is a difficult and sensitive area.
Parents may SEEM to be mean, but they can never be mean...