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I've been talking to the psychologist at my school about some things i've been dealing with, and she's concerned about me, and what I might do. I'm also concerned, and i'm having trouble dealing with it. I don't want to end up hurting someone. Anyway a few days ago she suggested that I see a therapist outside of school regularly, and I want to, but I don't think I can. I'm still living with my mom, I don't have a job, and she won't take me there, and she won't pay what the insurance doesn't pay. She'll just ridicule me, and tell me it's part of growing up. She'll humiluate me by telling everyone in the family, and in the end she'll do nothing to help me. Should I try asking my mom to let me see a therapist anyway? I don't want to go see the psychologist again just to tell her I can't go see a therapist, but I don't think I have a choice. I just want to get the help I need, so I don't end up doing something I'll regret, but my mom won't give a rats behind. Any advice???
lonerwolfhowling lonerwolfhowling 18-21, F 8 Answers Jun 17, 2013 in Emotional Health

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If you feel you can't handle things on your own, it might benefit you to see someone. Until you and your mom can make arrangements, keep seeing the school psychologist as she may even be able to help you present the question to your mom. She will also be able to help you make the transition into trusting the potential therapist. And if you do end up seeing someone regularly, remember that not everyone clicks at first. You might not like the first professional you try out. It could take a little "shopping around"

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First, take full responsibility for yourself and your own decisions and actions. There is nothing that you can do that you haven't chosen to do. There is no "magic" that going to a therapist will do, if you don't take control of yourself and learn to combat your own demons. Life can influence you in many ways, but what is going on inside you is a lot about how you handle your emotions and choose to respond to life. It also has a lot to do with just how much you allow life to shape who you are. So much of that is about perspective, hope, and choice. <br />
That being said, I'd go to my doctor and perhaps get a referral to a psychiatrist who would accept my insurance. If that didn't work, then I'd call the local healthy department to see if there were any programs that I might be able to access. Barring that, I would contact some of the local churches to see if any of them offer counselling of any sort, depending on what your particular problem is. There may be a local agency, like the YMCA, that could offer some sort of youth counselling. Even the local police agency might be able to steer you toward possible resources.<br />
For me, reading books on whatever I'm dealing with helps much more than a therapist ever did. But it's a matter of going to the library and looking up depression or whatever it is that you are wrestling with, and understanding it. Books have helped me make it through some very hard times when nothing else was working. I also think that there is a lot to be said for having a friend to talk to, or even keeping a journal to vent in when things get to a certain level. I also believe in God, and it is very comforting to me to say, "God, I'm losing it here. Please help me do the right thing." As a mom, I find I have to do that pretty often now. <br />
I hope you get through this time and that you can get the help that you need.

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My perspective in life is just fine , but I have pretty much no hope. I'll talk with the psychologist about that. Maybe there is some way I can get help without my mom even knowing.
Reading is a nice escape.
I've tried looking up sadism, which is what i'm dealing with, and there's hardly any research done on it, so that doesn't really help. I can't really talk to much about it with my friends, because I mean if I say the wrong thing they might get scared of me. I also find comfort in my religion. I know someday I'll be a spirit floating threw the heavens, and happy that I resisted the temptation to do what I know is wrong.

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That's the key, I suppose. Controlling the impulse and holding yourself accountable. Perhaps trying to figure out why the behavior is wrong and coming to see the wrong as distasteful and uncomfortable, so that it is easier to avoid. I think that is where hope lies. Not just for you, but for all people who find that they have certain urges that aren't compatible with the good.

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Makes sense. I know why it's wrong. It just doesn't feel wrong if that makes sense. Others pain is my pleasure :/
Perhaps there is some hope somewhere waiting to be dug up. If I can for any moment make myself feel distaste towards the impulses then maybe I'll have a little hope.

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i) Take your mother to the therapist and tell her (the therapist) what you just wrote here. Your mother won't be able to back away, and if she ridicules you to your family for it, you'll be ready to rebuke: "the freaking psychologist wanted me to see another therapist, not me! At least one of us is getting a laugh out of it, cause I sure don't think it's funny. You do know what therapy means, right?"<br />
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I can tell you're too old to do what I just said, but if you really want to, two of either things will happen: either your mom will have to do as the school psychologist says, or the school therapist will understand why you cannot do it, without you having to explain it first. She will see it happen in front of her eyes, and will have to deal with your inability without you having to spell it out loud. Try to see if you can arrange this, otherwise...<br />
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ii) Tell the school therapist and ask her if there is any way to bypass your mother without you having to pay what the insurance cannot cover. If she has no answer then you can only tell your mother and/or not do any external counseling.<br />
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That's, I think, all the advice I can give mate.

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Thank you :) I might have to do that. Sounds like option 1 could work. Still my mom is going to raise hell, and be up my butt about what exactly i'm seeing a therapist for. I seem perfectly fine, and like there's absolutely nothing wrong. I'm a good actor :/

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She would find out eventually, no? Besides, she may raise hell, but she's still your mother (I hope XD). If she realizes you need it, it won't matter one bit in the end, I hope. Besides... even if she DOES raise hell, you'll be seeing another therapist who'll be happy to hear all about it ;D I'm kidding, I hope it won't be that bad...

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I hope she doesn't :/ If she knows then my grandma will know, and I don't think she'll look at me the same again :( My mom truly does not care about my well being. Haha funny :P

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That bad, huh? Other than you becoming economically independent (i.e. get a job), I don't see how you can bypass your mother. I'd tell you to check if the health thingie won't intervene in extraordinary circumstances (perhaps ask the school psychologist to find out after you explain how things stand and without having your mother find out...) but I guess you're in the States, where if your insurance doesn't cover reattaching fingers, fingers won't get reattached so, that's probably a no-no too. I wish I could help more...

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Haha! You're so right about that. There's actually been cases of half dead people just being thrown out of hospitals, because their insurance won't cover treatment. You did help a lot. Thank you :)

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I hope it turns out alright, wish you the best! (and don't hesitate to ask ;)

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3 More Responses

It sucks. Explain to the school therapist, what will happen if you mention it to your mother. Your mother and family need mental help, for treating their young daughter that way. Don't go the family route, humiliation will happen. Find a private option if you can. If you were my daughter, I would welcome and pay for any help you want. Most stand up parents would.

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I'll tell her all about that next time I see her. Yeah I think they do. They're all sick jerks :/
Thank you :) You seem like a really nice guy.

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Feel bad for you, adults are there to help the younger people. They should be ashamed, no excuse for them, on this one.

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So I'm not crazy to think that she should help me out some! I won't make the same mistakes as her if I ever have a kid.

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Crazy no, you're rational and mature. You are the one with a brain and common sense.

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Thanks :) Being rational is my sense of control.

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Good, you'll be fine, you have a brain. Good luck to you...

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You ask the therapist to contact your mother directly.

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Can you go to your dad? Do you have other family members you can trust. If she feels you need to see someone you'd better take it seriously.

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I could, but it boils down to the fact that my mom won't listen to anyone. I've been waiting months to see the doctor for physical health problems i've been having, but she just doesn't care enough to call. That's how I know she won't care about this. It'll just be another thing on her I don't care list.

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You should always try to communicate that need with her and understand what you are saying in your comments. If she doesn't agree to it, you have other options, there are free services out there that can help, counseling services, etc. Hope the best for you

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Did you tell the psychologist about why you don't want to ask your mom? If you haven't, you should because she might have access/information to places that can help with $. You should also tell what you think your mother will say. It's possible she would tell your mom for you. You could take the bus there?

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I'm going to tell her on Wednesday, which is when I see her next.
Even though my mom would complain about the money she doesn't really care about that. It's just another excuse for her to not do anything to help me out. I could walk there, or bike if it's close enough.

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