Please don't take this in the wrong way, but you'll probably feel that you'll never grieve enough or sufficiently. You have a double whammy. First, you lost a child; second, you lost a child to suicide. It is unnatural to lose a child. It is unnatural for people to suicide and we all blame ourselves when someone kills themself. I don't envy you your burden. As jamesmethod has said, live your life nonouring your son. Perhaps you could get involved with a group of parents who have lost children to suicide. Unfortunately, there are too many of those these days. It's comforting to know you are not alone.<br />
I wish you only the best and hope that you can overcome this.
if his honor intact remains then time and degree have little sway.
You may never grieve "sufficiently". I lost my Brother to suicide some time ago now and I still grieve. Everyday brings new moments in my life I wish I could share with him. The big moments in life are the ones that cause the most tears but the simplest of things cause just as much pain. Suicide is final yet there's no answers for the questions you have. You can never really understand the reasons why ... it's not like someone can say "it was a heart attack" ... there's no clear reason. All I can say to you is you are not alone ... there are others out there who will have had similar experiences to you and can understand some of the pain you feel. Sometimes talking to a stranger can be more beneficial than talking to a loved one. Everyone grieves in their own ways and in their own time ... we're all individual. Don't worry about what you haven't done ... focus on what you have ... you raised your Son and created some beautiful memories ... the grieving will come in it's own time.
Do you really think your son would want you to spend 10 years of your life grieving, Things happen in life that we don't deserve, and can't understand. Honor your son by getting on with your life and making it the best life you possibly can. "The living you do, from this day forward , you do for both yourself and your son." <br />
I Sincerely, Wish You All The Best.
how can you not grieve productively? I think you should read some books by neile donald walsch. conversations with god is my favorite book. book 1 and book 3 and "home with god". omg it changed my life
well get to it! what are you waiting on ?