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My Sons Father hasn't been around and just showed up one day and wants to be in our lives,What should i do? (hes abusive

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    Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):

    PhazonMario - 18-21 years old - male

    Posted by PhazonMario Oct 7th, 2012 at 10:54PM

    tell him hell no and get your family to help you out spread the word of his abuse and be a brave girl do not let him in even if he says anything he sounds like a foo thats just lookin for sum and cant get any

    [ Reply ] | Like (3)

  1. Dreamholder22 - 16-17 years old - female

    Reply by Dreamholder22 Oct 7th, 2012 at 10:55PM

    my family knows hes abusive, but they think my son should know his dad and that i should give him a chance but i hate his guts and do not want him anywhere near my boy even tho hes the dad.

    Like (1)

  2. PhazonMario - 18-21 years old - male

    Reply by PhazonMario Oct 7th, 2012 at 10:57PM

    get a older friend who has a car to pick you up and take you to the nearest relative and or ask your school for help though i would not trust the school to much they might really badly mess up all three lives

    Like (1)

    10 more replies

7 Answers to "My Sons Father hasn't been around and just showed up one day and wants to be in our lives,What should i do? (hes abusive"

  1. sibyll - 51-55 years old - female

    Posted by sibyll Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:40PM

    I raised my son on my own and if his dad came 30 feet in front of me I would be in jail for blowing him away. My son's great and was better for me to raise hi alone. h.e a research technition for a lung difibulator company since he was 12. His dad is a cop. If he's abusive like you say there's tons of help available for you and him now get it-if the mf is abusive it'll screw your son up for life. I kept abusive people away from mine- his dad andmy father. Put your son above all else-its worth it.

    Like (2)

  2. Dreamholder22 - 16-17 years old - female

    Reply by Dreamholder22 Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:24PM

    Thanks and I'm doing my best and so far my son is great and soo well mannered and is perfect we are better off without his dad .

    Like (1)

  3. deluxe2027 - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by deluxe2027 Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:18PM

    Tell him you need to do it through the courts

    Like (2)

  4. FourCatsTooMany - 36-40 years old - female

    Posted by FourCatsTooMany Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:17PM

    No. It's ridiculous to expect you to risk your safety just so there is another person around.

    Like (2)

  5. EmpressLya - 26-30 years old - female

    Posted by EmpressLya Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:12PM

    Your family must have those ideals that excuse abusers if they are male. He will teach your son that abusing people is ok because he sees nothing wrong with it. Do not let anyone put their hands on you. If you have to call the police I'm not you of course and you are so young. When you are young it is hard to do what should be done because you do not have the experience and confidence yet. Trust me if you stand your ground now you will not be sorry in the future. I am not saying that he can not see his son that is his child, but you do not need to be in a relationship with him and the visits should be through the courts so that they can make sure it is supervised until he matures enough to not do drugs and beat on your son when he gets mad. Legally he can come take your son and you can not stop him because there is no court order. I just went through so much crap I don't know to what extent you need advice but inbox me with any questions that you may have. To tell you the truth sometimes they want to be dads but get bored of the responsibility and change their minds in literally 12 hrs. Or he may want to get back with you because he knows that he can abuse you and it makes him feel big. It really is a shame that you do not have strong adults in your life letting him know that the next time he ponders raising a hand to you he puts it down for fear of it being broken into pieces. The uncles in my family would never let this happen. I don't know what is going on now. But tell him to kick rocks and take you to court. I am not telling you to commit acts of violence but watch some Madea movies she does not put up with domestic violence.

    Like (2)

  6. Dreamholder22 - 16-17 years old - female

    Reply by Dreamholder22 Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:18PM

    Thanks, he was 18 and I was barely 15 when I got pregnant and he left b/c he felt me being pregnant messed things up b/c he couldn't hit me anymore and he swore I was going to say it was rape so he would get in trouble he does coke and marijuana and I don't want that around my son I want to give my boy a good life and if it means his dad isn't around then so be it he doesn't know who he is so there's no loss. We are better off without him.

    Like (1)

  7. EmpressLya - 26-30 years old - female

    Reply by EmpressLya Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:32PM

    I tried to inbox you but I can't thats fine. I think its cuz you are under 18 I tried to put some info on there. I do not know what state you are from but you should go to the local welfare office and see what iformation they can give you. There are programs that will help. I used one called program for parents and they helped with the cost of child care so that I could work and go to school. I am not a teen mom. I had my daughter when I was 22 and the situation was not ideal. I am just now on a path to potential success, but it is hard and I just did not give up. Just focus on you and your child forget him no court will allow him to be with your son if he is doing coke. I missed that part at first. Also if you are low income you can usually go to community college for free. If you are bright and study you can get a degree to become a physical therapy assistant 40 to 50 grand or LPN which is what I am trying and make 18 to 23 dollars and hour. There are many other things as well those are just two from the top of my head. There is paralegal but they do not make that much money usually. Try not to waste your time going for medical assistant and those jobs they do not pay well and it is the same time to do those other things. The schools sometimes have vocational school that you go to the other half of the day and learn cooking, baking, automechanic, cosmotology or nursing assistant. There is just so much that you can do. I am sorry if I am writing so much I just want to help and I don't want you to have to open your account to adults there is a lot of pervs on here. Anyway let me know if this is of any interest to your or if you want me to stop. I will not get offended. I know that everyone has their own path and decisions to make.

    Like (1)

  8. Lonleyguy35 - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by Lonleyguy35 Oct 7th, 2012 at 10:58PM

    Leave his a55 you don,t need that you are a mother

    Like (2)

  9. Dreamholder22 - 16-17 years old - female

    Reply by Dreamholder22 Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:01PM

    But my family thinks I shouldnt raise my son on my own since im only 16 they think his dad should be involved

    Like (1)

  10. Lonleyguy35 - 31-35 years old - male

    Reply by Lonleyguy35 Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:08PM

    A real man that really loves his gf or wife would never hit her

    Like (1)

  11. hhansen - 51-55 years old - male

    Posted by hhansen Oct 7th, 2012 at 10:55PM

    As a father I would say to let him in...a little. Be protective and get some expert advice. Namas

    Like (1)

  12. Dreamholder22 - 16-17 years old - female

    Reply by Dreamholder22 Oct 7th, 2012 at 10:58PM

    you may be a father but how old are you?? are you 19 have a son thats about to be two and all you do is drink party get high and beat his mom?? i dont want him in our lives.

    Like (1)

  13. hhansen - 51-55 years old - male

    Reply by hhansen Oct 7th, 2012 at 11:18PM

    Hopefully he will not be this way his whole life. He will need some help, when he is ready. But for now it seems you have your answer. I'm 55, have 4 children and I'm a Big Brother with Big BrotherBig Sisters. Best wishes for you and your son. Namas

    Like (1)

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