My step daughter refuses to accept me and her father thinks its my fault what can i do?

Posted 8 months ago

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theonlycatsmeow

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I am a soon to be step mom. My fiance and I live together and we have his boys (7 & 8yrs old) 4 days out of the week. It was so hard at first, they did NOT like me one bit. it has been 3 yrs now. The youngest come around no problem. The oldest....there were some issues that needed to be dealt with. I sat him down for a one on one talk, not an argument. I told him, I wasn't trying to replace his mom in anyway, I wasn't trying to be his mom, that all I wanted was to be his best friend. When he needed someone, I was there for him. After the talk, I didn't press the issue any longer. Then out of the blue about 2 months later he said I love you and you are my best friend. I have never felt such joy, relief, happiness, I just cried! I couldn't hold the tears back. I gave him a huge hug and said thank you, you're my best friends too.

I just would give her some space, let things take it coarse. Let her know you are there for her anytime, and then leave the issue alone for a little while. Be cheerful, not down and upset. Show that YOU can do this.

Posted 8 months ago

Other 10 Answers to My step daughter refuses to accept me and her father thinks its my fault what can i do?

JojoWazoo	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 12:00PM Try planning some special one on one time doing something together. Seek out counseling, if you feel you need to. It's hard to bring them around. Time, love and tenderness help. I wish you all the best. Rated: +3Vote for this!
SerenitySeeker	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 6:20AM You could try family counseling....family meetings....talking...being a stepmother is not easy (I am one, as well as a natural mother)...and neither is being a stepkid (am one of those, too!)...don't know all the details...other kids, how old is the daughter, how long you have been married....and all that matters in how you approach this.... Sometimes, Time is all you need...well, along with love, communication, patience, perserverance...well, you know... But really, you might try counseling...peace...SS Rated: +2Vote for this!
Shellfinder	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 11:40AM I am a step Mom, it was not easy. Especially when the Mother is in their life. You might ask the step kids how they would like to address you an make them feel loved an appreciated. One thing I regret is not hugging them enough. They needed this and I was not so good at it. We were 11 years apart. Rated: +2Vote for this!
phedokitty	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 6:59AM it will be okay in time.. Rated: +1Vote for this!
azzur	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 8:50AM what ever you do don't try to act all fatherly that will definitely make it worse i have both a stepmother and a stepfather and i really don't like my stepdad but i try for my mum's sake Rated: +1Vote for this!
ELFINSONG	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 10:47AM The question you need to answer for yourself is... "Was it my fault?" When you can answer that question then you will know what to say to them Rated: +1Vote for this!
mtvlm	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 11:35AM I have not been a step parent or child so I may be way off base here, but I would say, don't try to fight the child you know the kind of "I'm here deal with it" attitude, also don't try to take the place of their biological parent, you can't because you are not them. Try to find something that you two have in common and work the older sister type, she might come around and you be friends and build a great relationship. Also check with your husband and have him assist you by being supportive, but don't start blaming each other or try to come between your husband and his daughter. These are just suggestions you have to see what works best for you. Listen to what she is saying and work towards the solution. Hope it goes the way that is best for all. Rated: +1Vote for this!
LawRaJayne	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 1:27PM this might sound crazy, but try getting you're wife, and your step-daughters father, to sit down and talk about this. bareing in mind it must be extremely difficult for you're step-daughter, because she does not want any man to take the place of her father. I'm sure those are certainly not you're intentions. which is why you should let her know, let her father know. Rated: +1Vote for this!
Bananna	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 2:27PM Have you done everything possible to try and win her over but HE thinks it YOUR fault? *Find a different man, it'snot too late, get out!! Rated: +1Vote for this!
Artisina	Posted Mar 15th, 2009 at 3:31PM Do not try to be a parent, be a friend. She already has parents. Also, let your husband take care of the discipline. It's not your place. Let her know that you care about her, that you love her father too and just want to have a happy home. Ask her to tell you what's bothering her and really listen. Then let it alone, be there for her without judgement and give it time. She does need to respect you as a human being, but she doesn't have to like you anymore than anyone else. Tolerance is the key. Most people can't help loving you if you are loving and gentle with them. Good luck. Rated: +1Vote for this!

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