Try planning some special one on one time doing something together. Seek out counseling, if you feel you need to. It's hard to bring them around. Time, love and tenderness help. I wish you all the best.
I am a step Mom, it was not easy. Especially when the Mother is in their life. <br />
You might ask the step kids how they would like to address you an make them feel loved an appreciated. One thing I regret is not hugging them enough. They needed this and I was not so good at it. We were 11 years apart.
You could try family counseling....family meetings....talking...being a stepmother is not easy (I am one, as well as a natural mother)...and neither is being a stepkid (am one of those, too!)...don't know all the details...other kids, how old is the daughter, how long you have been married....and all that matters in how you approach this....<br />
Sometimes, Time is all you need...well, along with love, communication, patience, perserverance...well, you know...<br />
But really, you might try counseling...peace...SS
suck it up. her parents chose not to be together and you and your husband chose to be together. your step daughter did not choose ANY of this. i despise my mother's husband. i wouldn't even call him my stepfather. my mom cheated on my dad with him and i absolutely refuse to accept him. i tolerate his existence because that's what adults do but you canNOT expect a child to be so kind. be polite, do NOT attempt to discipline her and if she is disrespectful to you walk away. if she decides to like you, she will but please do not expect any miracles.
Do not try to be a parent, be a friend. She already has parents. Also, let your husband take care of the discipline. It's not your place. Let her know that you care about her, that you love her father too and just want to have a happy home. Ask her to tell you what's bothering her and really listen. Then let it alone, be there for her without judgement and give it time. She does need to respect you as a human being, but she doesn't have to like you anymore than anyone else. Tolerance is the key. Most people can't help loving you if you are loving and gentle with them. Good luck.
Have you done everything possible to try and win her over but HE thinks it YOUR fault?<br />
*Find a different man, it'snot too late, get out!!
this might sound crazy, but try getting you're wife, and your step-daughters father, to sit down and talk about this.<br />
bareing in mind it must be extremely difficult for you're step-daughter, because she does not want any man to <br />
take the place of her father. I'm sure those are certainly not<br />
you're intentions. which is why you should let her know, let<br />
her father know.
I have not been a step parent or child so I may be way off base here, but I would say, don't try to fight the child you know the kind of "I'm here deal with it" attitude, also don't try to take the place of their biological parent, you can't because you are not them.<br />
Try to find something that you two have in common and work the older sister type, she might come around and you be friends and build a great relationship.<br />
Also check with your husband and have him assist you by being supportive, but don't start blaming each other or try to come between your husband and his daughter.<br />
These are just suggestions you have to see what works best for you. Listen to what she is saying and work towards the solution. Hope it goes the way that is best for all.
The question you need to answer for yourself is... "Was it my fault?"<br />
When you can answer that question then you will know what to say to them
what ever you do don't try to act all fatherly that will definitely make it worse i have both a stepmother and a stepfather and i really don't like my stepdad but i try for my mum's sake
it will be okay in time..