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I have this therapist, and everytime I go there, a lot of words just start spewing out of her mouth. And I keep hearing therapy is for u to talk and open up etc... but I am not good at either of those...I just want to walk in there with a list of things to fix, fix it, then walk out. why can't they happen? should I tell her? what the hell should I do with this therapist...?
KeironKeller KeironKeller 18-21, F 6 Answers Jan 31 in Dating & Relationships

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Therapy isn't something that you just walk in with a list of problems, talk about them, and then you're "fixed"and done, though that's what I first thought too. First you build on coping skills and things like that. You work on how to have boundaries, and deal with people in every day life. Then as you work on that you find more and more things you work on. It's not all you, and in the beginning you may not be talking that much. But you definitely will have input. That being said, you may have a crappy therapist. You should have someone you feel comfortable with. Maybe you should try asking for a different one if you two don't get along. But if she's ok, why not try to relax and take her cues on where she's going with the sessions. It's not an in and out type deal.

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I understand that. I have been told its not an in and out list type thing. which is why I haven't done it. But I feel like she doesn't know what to do with me. And anytime something 'sensitive' comes up she makes these...these....faces, which I assume are suppose to be sympathetic and kind. And everytime she does it I feel bile rising in my throat.ugh

maybe I should change therapists... but its annoying... I am going to get somone else who I have to start ALL over with and who is going to read my FILE all over again.ugh.

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im assuming you had one, it helped?

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Oh wow, I don't know if I could stand a therapist like that. I've had several but my favorite was a woman who didn't seem to to be too overly sympathetic or sickeningly caring, which I really liked because I really cannot stand people acting like they feel sorry for me, especially when that's not what I'm there for. She was super honest and up front, even about things that hurt my feelings (but were true). Nothing seemed to shock her, she just took what I said and turned it into something I could use to help me. I would look into a new one if I were you. If it's a place that has several therapists you can just asked to be changed.

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And starting all over I'm sure feels over whelming, but how can you get anywhere with someone you don't like? If you find someone who can help, even if it takes time, it's worth it.

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yeah I may just look into that. I will. Thanks. but one more question at you, how does talking to someone really help? I can;t get emotional on demand...I can't cry and weep and get upset if something sensitive is brought up...I don't see how talking works....

oh wow see. I'd appreciate someone like that.if I were a child, fine, then maybe I could appreciate the sad sympathetic looks but I hate it. you've had several? is that because the few before weren't any good or u didnt get on with them?

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I've never cried or anything in front of any of my therapists. I really don't think just the talking helps, but if you talk eventually problems that you have will come up. Sometimes I didn't see the problem and my therapist did. From that we'd find why something upset me, and see if we could fix that. Some things are just ******, and they'll always make you upset, but you can learn to cope with the feelings, and make yourself more stable. I had several throughout my life, some I had to have, and some I sought out on my own. Most of the earlier ones, I didn't want to talk, and sometimes couldn't talk at all. I'd just sit there and I'd answer a short question if I had to. I remember having a guy before, and he started out looking over my paperwork, and trying to talk about it, which made me uncomfortable, and then he'd ask some ****** questions like "can you tell me about an event that upsets you most" and at that point I wouldn't even talk.. My favorite therapist started out with asking how I get along with people, how I got along with my family. How I react to stuff. It turns out I had a lot of problems with communicating, but the way to work on that wasn't asking me to relive bad stories.

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And I'm sorry for writing novels as comments, haha. I just get carried away.

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sorry for the late reply. and no I love novels lol.
See that sounds like a good therapist, because I think that' where a lot of people go wrong. communication. most of us don't know how to do it, which is probably why I can't even talk during the session.

but omg! yes mine did that. read my file over to me and then asked me questions! like why would you do that? it made me clam up so much, I didn't mind answering, it was fine, but I do not know you and you have no idea what kind of person I am, so why would you bloody ask?.
And one of the issues I found annoying when they ask things like 'what part upset u the most' is that it was no longer what happened, but the after effects of what followed from the situation. for me personally anyway.

really, you think with continuous talking things just come out? I don't see that happening with this lady to be honest. we are doing this thing called emotional freedom technique... which is why I am hanging on, i asked if we could do anything, other than sit in a room with four walls-talking.so f*cking tedious.

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this site cannot paragraph, so annoying

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bill her double what she charges you

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lol yeah, maybe I ought to try that...

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yeah a therapist should not talk that much.... just ask the right questions...

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what are the right questions? my mind goes to goo when I get in there...and we may start talking about random crap that is not even related to what I want to talk about, then she spends the time giving me the logistics of it all. And all the time she is talking, i can see unicrons and trees swimming above her eyebrows...and I'm smiling, because it is so much more fascinating than what she is saying.

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ah she or he should just be there to let you talk and from time to time ask you the right questions to guide you so you start thinking about waht you just said in a new way, that's the point of it. That's what I meant.
I think you should switch therapist.

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yeah I will, most def. thanks.

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Shut the hell up?

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I can't possibly say that...can I?

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Doesn't work that way

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any tips then?

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The reality of therapy and change is that you are the only one who can change you whatever the issue. The therapists job is to take you to a mental place where you are aware of yourself enough to help that change take place slowly - and all the while it you reshaping you

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god if thats the bloody answering im receiving. i might as well take the meds I am being offered.

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Receive the meds even if don't want to take them..I might even pay you for them to help me get through my work days - lol

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lol, rme. your not being serious. do u hate your job?

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Not my job as much as the place - it's mentally unhealthy

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why don't you just leave then?

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Sounds easy - but there's not much out there anymore doing what I do. Next question is what that is - I'll only say I'm a dinosaur in the electronics manufacturing industry.

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