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put our 2 year old child in an unlicensed daycare and she got hurt. He demanded to have this clause put in our custody order (that our daughter only be put in a licensed daycare), but somehow, my lawyer got him to sign the custody order without that clause in there and the custody order was approved by a judge earlier this month. We have joint custody, I, the mother, have primary care and control. My question is, now that the custody order is approved, and there is nothing in there about daycare, if I go ahead and get a job and put my baby in an unlicensed daycare and God forbid, she gets hurt, what can my husband do about that since he still is so set against unlicensed daycares and trying to make my life as difficult as possible. Just want to know if there's any possible legal way he can attack me for putting her in an unlicensed daycare, because if there's anything he can do to hurt me, trust me, he'll do it, so I need to educate myself here. Can you help?
Echo Echo 31-35, F 15 Answers Feb 26, 2012

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Pray harder!! with God nothing is impossible...start putting your hands up and surrender all your worries and anxiety to God...even for a day.. May God give an open mind, clean spirit and Godly decision to overcome your short comings...--God loves you my dear!

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I really feel like telling you to shutup, so I just did! haha oh that's awful, but to that I'm going to add my thanks for your sweet comment. I know you're trying to be helpful here and I appreciate your efforts. Truly I do. I'd give you a big hug for it if I could. But I'm one of those people that feels that we need to help ourselves, not sit on our backside letting the world fall apart around us while we do nothing but whisper into an empty sky..

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no im not telling you to shut up dear... your action will be doubled if you will include your whisper to that empty sky...Good luck and may you have the best job and opportunity in this world....You can make it!!!!

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Thank you sweetheart!! hehe you are aggravatingly adorable somehow!

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I may be wrong in the way I am thinking. I am in the UK and not sure where you are from or if things are different but there is no way in the world that I would let someone unregistered (other than close family) ever take care of my children. Its our job to do what is best for our children. If it was me I wouldnt have put in the clause about being hurt I would have said no unlicensed day care full stop.<br />
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No matter what I think you need to speak to a lawyer rather than ask advice here

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Honestly, I would die a little handing her over to someone else to care for. But money is going fast, and we're going to start getting hungry.. I've got to get a job.

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I read what you said about being in a small place etc. If he is only allowed supervised access then he would have difficulty getting full custody. Is there work in your area. If not maybe look into getting licensed daycare in the area you can get work. Over here if daycare isnt registered it is not legal and can result in prosecution or being investigated for putting your own child at risk. Just make sure licensed or unlicensed you ask around and talk to other people that have had their children looked after there. Make sure you have as much information on places as you possibly can

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Since the order was set by the Judge you might not worry so much about this as the Judges don't just give away all the coustody to the father for things that come up like that. He has to have a hell of a lot more than that for the Judge to give him total coustody. I say don't worry. I have just ended a case with my daughter where her ex fought with a stronger case than that and no way does the Judges take the child away from the Mother. her husband threatens this all the time. Mother and son belong together and that's that unless there is real abuse going on. Be Strong , Be Happy!

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Thank you for sharing your daughters story, that really does make me feel better and gives me hope that everything is going to be okay. All the best to you and your family. Again, thank you so much!

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You said he signed the custody order without the clause and the judge approved it. So why are you worried? The law don't give 2 ***** about what it SAID it is all about the paper, and on paper you are good to go, so do as you will.

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If you knew this beast you'd be worried too. He will stop at nothing to make my life hell. ..I sure hope because it's not on the paper that he can't do anything about it!!

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Basically, if he wants to raise a stink, he can take you to court over just about anything, even if it turns out to be unfounded.

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Yeah that's what I'm worried about. ..I'll check it out with the lawyer..

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this is NOT the place to seek legal advice. Laws vary state to state and judge to judge.<br />
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Its always better to err on the side of caution, put her in a licensed (and insured) facility. <br />
Mind you, some churches run daycare facilities and they are not typically licensed. The Y also runs daycare in some areas.

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What I'm hoping for is to maybe hear from someone that's kind of been there done that. If anyone else has run into trouble with this sort of thing then I'm not even going to take the slightest chance that it could happen where I am too. I'd rather go on welfare than take a chance with my husband causing more drama and upset.

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You need to go to an ATTORNEY !! There ARE legal aid attorneys or even social services can recommend one for you .... Get you help the legal way so you are on solid ground .... Do it ASAP !!

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Thanks, I'll do that tomorrow.

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Why would you want to put her in to an unlicenced day care facility - she surely is the most precious thing in your life - why take the risk of her not being properly cared for - at least you know that licensed facilities have had to reach a certain standard to get their licence in the first place..

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I live in a small town and there is only one licensed daycare facility and they are, have been, and will be booked up solid for a very long time (huge waiting list) And I'm running out of money and need to start working to support ourselves. Believe me, she's the most precious thing in my world and I've spent too many hours hiding in closets to protect her from her fathers fits and rages to now hand her over to someone without being damn sure that she's in the best of care. But on the same note, we need to eat, so I need to get a job. I'm doing the best I can here.

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I understand that, it sounds like you've had it tough - couldn't you get a family member to look after her or share childcare with a friend... or ask your ex to contribute to the cost too

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I have no friends, my husband kept me pretty isolated so I lost the friends I had once upon a time. The only family member living near me is physically unable to help unfortunately, and my soon to be ex husband quit his job so we won't be getting any help from him. ..kinda feeling pretty lost and hopeless here..

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I'm not sure where you live, but could you set yourself up as a childminder - that way you could stay at home, take care of your daughter and get paid to look after other peoples children too - or if that's not an option how about looking at other ways of working from home. Try not to feel hopeless, there is always a solution, we just have to find it...

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I actually got ahold of girl who does that in a nearby town and I'm waiting to hear back more from her to see if I might be able to make that work for me! Thanks for your help!! ..oh and I also just applied for a telecommunication work-from-home job, so cross your fingers that I get that!

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I really do hope you get it... you know there's probably loads of skills that you have that could help you work from home..
I will keep my fingers crossed for you!

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Im not sure about the laws wher you live, but if it was me, Id be covering my arse on all basis by making sure he cant come back at me for anything. Is there anyway he can pay more for childcare so you can put her in a licensed one? Does he work? If he does you should be okay to work as well, if he doesnt he may tell the judge that he can look after her becasue he isnt working. It does take a while to get things through court processes anyway. Your daughter could have got hurt in a licensed daycare, why is he being such a pain in the butt?

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He quit his job so he won't be paying any sort of child support. But he lives 4 and a half hours away so he won't be interested in looking after her while I work (plus he's only allowed supervised visits, so not sure how that would work, I'd have to pay someone to supervise him with her while I'm working?) But I'm pretty certain he wouldn't drive that far each way to take care of her while I work anyway. And he's being a pain because he can.. sigh. This is just the tip of the iceberg with him.

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If he is only allowed supervised visits, then it sounds like he would have a hard time convincing a judge of anything. Talk to your lawyer they would know more than I do. he is probably being painful because he still wants to control you somehow.

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You hit the nail on the head, he seems to need that control and I provide entertainment value to him. And yes, i'll discuss it with the lawyer hopefully on Monday if I can get ahold of him, he's been pretty lax with good advice so far..

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Do they have a free legal advice telephone call centre where you are? Or the other option is a Womens community centre, they usually have legal advice consultants as well.

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Yeah actually there's both those things here, and I'll try all of them, thanks, good idea! Never hurts to get a second and third opinion just to make sure of things!

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Call the lawyer.

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will do in the morning!

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