Resolved Question

Who has been dead 7 years. He died from alchohol.
Why is it then that it bothers me. Like he is still here waiting for her? I was a drunk 22years ago. I know she went threw hell. So maybe its my issue? Not to sure about that. It bothered me I said nothing and held it in. And found another reason later to be rude to her. My BAD!

For what it is worth, my "husband" and I have been separated for a year and a half, The day he left this house was like a day of Jubilee for my crushed,wounded,abused spirit. I shed not a single tear. It was The Answer to 10 years of prayer. I would not willingly take him back if both Bill Gates and Donald Trump signed their fortunes over to him (and FYI: the kids and I are struggling by on about $24,000 a year-gross income,not net). I am working dilingently towards permanent divorce,but with him refusing to even obey court ordered support,visitation,etc.etc. this is proving very costly (time and money)-not to mention I don't even know where he is living. But, for some reason, I catch myself STILL referring to him,in conversations with newly met individuals, "my husband". Latly I have been trying to remember to use the adjective "estranged" in front of the noun "husband". Alot of this may be habit, in my situation, and that I prefer to not go into details ("been separated....working on divorce). Now,your lady friend may be of the sentiment that her deceased warrants the cherished "my husband" since he held that role in her life for so many years and it was never revoked by choice. Also, her conversations in which he is being mentioned are most likely comong from "recall"...they are about a time in her life when he was alive. To say "my deceased husband" probably is just too foreign. She may very well feel the "deseased" part is already understood by the listener and needs not mentioned. Now,if she were referring to him by NAME and failing to clarify his role in her life,then I might raise my eyebrows and wonder "what's with this?" Her life may have been very much wrapped around him,leaving her little else to talk about, and in new situations we cling to familiar topics,and often times are nervous enough as it is,so worrying about stepping on your ego does not need to be added to her concerns. Face it,you are probably a bit smitten with this woman, and so your manhood is wishing to be acknowledged, as to how its relationship with her femininity is ranking (in her mind). How she refers to her deceased husband will not reveal that information to you. So relax, yes, technically he is her "deceased husband"- that is his "proper" descriptive term in describing the current state of their relationship. But she is not filling out legal papers, she is simply carrying on conversations and having to do so while wrestling with her own NEW individual identity. It is so complex-don't make it any harder. Get to know "him" and you may even like "him" if you focus on the things you and he would have had in common. Then you might even find yourself enjoying some of her stories. Before long she will drop the "my husband". But, give her Identity Crisis time to resolve. It is much different for a woman when she loses her spouse. We usually have our identity glued to them in some form or fashion (although this is changing). Be secure. Before long you will be her "my date" or "my boyfriend" or "my suitor" or,someday, possibly even, "my husband". Enjoy your active social life and those adorable Yorkies!