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and always offers his advice and help gladly. He's also shared some things with me about his past. Does he at least want to be friends? (I know I sound like a broken record here, sorry...) I just can't fathom why he still seems to care about what is going on in my life... Also, whenever we talk, the conversation is so effortless, like we could talk for hours and never get bored.
lonelyheart807 lonelyheart807 41-45, F 14 Answers Nov 25, 2012 in Dating & Relationships

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Because the guy wants an affair with you, duh.

Just make sure his significant other doesn't own a gun first.

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No...I doubt it...and he's with another guy.

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Oh well then that explains his niceness

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Why do you say that?

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Gay men are every woman's best friend.

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That has nothing to do with it...and I don't even know if he knows I know he's gay...

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Or he could be bi.

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The thought has crossed my mind, but I'm not very pretty, so I think that even if that is the case, he is probably just interested in being friends...

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You're most likely prettier than you think!

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No, I'm really not. I'm a bit of a "tomboy"...don't wear makeup or dress-up or anything...

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You also seem to be forgetting that gay men ALWays have women friends!!! ANd women OFTEN have gay male friends!! Enjoy it.
( No, I am not gay.)

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Makeup and clothes don't determine real beauty, it's all in the attitude sista!

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True...@youneeda. And thanks, @CrossEyedMary...I hope you're right...

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OH, we ARE !! RIght Mary ?! lol.....

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Why lol?

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I just don't think that has anything to do with it...a guy is nice, or he's not...

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Bonafide friendship

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If he's with another guy, he just views you as a good friend.

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I know...and even that makes me happy...

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Then relax and enjoy the friendship:) sounds like you could use some friends. You are lucky to have such a friend. :)

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I am...and I'm trying.

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"Why look a guest- **** in the mouth!?.............."

( work on your self-esteem. WHat? he can't like spending time with you?!?!)

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I have horribly low self-esteem...and have my whole life. I have never had many friends, and it blows my mind that he wants to talk to me...

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Well , I am sorry to hear that, and thanks for sharing! But, please! We all have good points, as well as insecurities! Let others love you..... paul simon is already ' a rock, and an island' !! YOU don't have to be!! find something good about your self and message me with the info....ok?

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maybe he likes you more than his girlfriend

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Lol! He's with a guy...and I admit, I have feelings for him, and not just in a friendly way...

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well, since you speak effortlessly and for hours with him--ask HIM your original Q to us.....!
( save your 'attraction' convo til later....)

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No, no...I'm way too shy to do that...trust me.

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AAAaaaahh-- but we are gonna change that, right?! ( TOO shy, to say exactly what you wrote me at 9:00??) go for it, it won't hurt-- he LIKES you!

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Yes...what if he doesn't want to hear me say that? What if he is turned off by my saying it? You don't understand how scared I am to talk to people after having been hurt so many times in my life...

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Yeah, the whole cheating thing is always a good idea and has such great results. I've seen just so many indications of this being something to pursue, not selfish at all and no one is ever hurt, such great friendships strengthened by it.

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Uh...he's with a guy, so no worries there.

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maybe you haven't heard but some people are 'bi'! HHHMmmmm, food( uh-oh!) for thought....?

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I thought about that possibility...but like I said, he's with someone. I would never do anything to undermine that, no matter my personal feelings...

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WHat if HE ........ WANts to?!?!........( bingo!)
maybe their 'thing' isn't that strong......?
or it's an open relationship?

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I would never have the confidence to make the first move...he would have to. And it's so hard to conceive of someone being attracted to me in that way...

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Just because someone "has someone" doesn't mean he can't be friends with someone else.

BUT, keep it in mind....he has someone. Make sure that you (and he) keep that in mind.

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Oh, well, since he's with another guy, I'm pretty sure that's not going to be a problem...

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lol....Oddly, and in my experience, that doesn't always make things "safe".

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But if he's gay?

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I've met guys who were "gay" who came on to me. Or who suddenly got engaged to a woman. I'm not saying that all are like that. If the "friend" thing is the only vibe you're getting, than I don't see any harm in that, if you want to be friends. I've found that gay guys can be easier to talk to as far as friendship goes. It helps not having the sexual tension in there.

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Except...there is sexual tension on my end of things. I can't help it...he turns me on something fierce!

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Oh.....I didn't know. That could be a problem. I'm not sure I'd want to torture myself that way, if someone was involved or simply "out of reach". In your situation, I'd try to be friends, but if I couldn't stop thinking about him in the wrong way, I'd have to detach.

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Except...wow! It's really complicated...
I am attracted to him, but I seem to need him as a friend just as much...or even more. I am going through a lot in my life right now, and the only time I seem to be able to breathe is when I am around him...
It's like everything is (at least temporarily) okay when I am around him...I feel like I can deal with everything else, like everything is going to be okay...

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I suppose you have to weigh that against what it might mean if you fall for him and can't "have him" romantically. If the friendship is enough, and you can stick with that, then it's a good. I suppose you just have to use self discipline as far as "getting on" goes. But it might end up being really frustrating. You need to be able to respect that he's in a romantic relationship with someone else. If you can do that and take the friendship for what it is, it could work out.

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I have already come to terms as far as the impossibility of anything romantic happening between us...it's just that I still feel an attraction to him. I would never act on it, however, unless I felt like it was mutual...

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If he's involved and acts a certain way with you, then he's cheating. Bear that in mind.

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He hasn't...

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He sounds nice. I have a friend like that. Even if all you get is a friendship, that friendship might be worth it. Mine is.

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Yes...I am hoping we become better friends. I don't have many people in my life I can truly talk to...

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Uhh. He considers you a friend.

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I hope so...things are still in the early stages, though...

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he has a kindered spirit. one of Gods most precious creations

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He does feel like a kindred spirit to me...

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i knew one. even though he was a gay man, he was an awesome friend. just too bad he passed away young (32)

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Being gay shouldn't have anything to do with it...but I'm sorry to hear about your loss...

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i never said being gay had anything to do with it.

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No, but you said..."Even though he was a gay man...", as if that somehow put an onus on it...

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if you read past that!!!! Which apparently you didnt. I said he was a good friend. So by that, I wasnt putting an onus on it.

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Okay...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to misinterpret what you said...

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Yeah, I'd say he wants to be friends.

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