So you have difficult parents. That happens. I think you are on the right path to dealing with them. Just be, but not in their faces. Sometimes, parents are like bosses. You just have to stay inside the lines, not make waves, and put up with their rules until you find another job. That can't be more than five years.

(And start working now on what you will do when you leave the house. If it's school, get to work on lining up scholarships so you will not be dependent on the parents. If it's work, begin exploring what you want and start making contacts, so you can get right to work when you finish high school, or whatever they call it where you are.)

As for the other stuff, body and self-loathing, that is almost universal at your age. The big part of the problem is that it seems it will never end, and who wants to go on feeling so miserable forever? But it does end, so you don't have to die in order to stop it. The trick is to see the process through.

The other trick is to not make yourself a target. There is a difference between being yourself openly and welcoming abuse, from parents or anyone else. So, put the effort where it matters, not on the silly stylish stuff that comes and goes.

As for God, God reveals God no matter what we do or think. But you have to be aware to notice. If you chose to be here, and you did, then there is at least one lesson you wanted to learn this time around. I doubt that being miserable and ending your life is the lesson you had in mind. So, have some faith, not only in God, but also in the wisdom of your own soul choices and you own ability to learn, choose, and prosper in this life.

(And you don't have to engage in arguments with angry atheists if you don't want to. Right now seems a good time NOT to be defending your faith. Just having it right now is enough. You have those other things to deal with.)

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Wasn't me

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