Old Friend passed away, I feel terrible but I hardly knew him. Why am I Grieving!!
An old friend I used to know passed away last month, its been 2 weeks since his funeral & he was only 22. The funeral was horrid, I had never been to a funeral like that before, Most were passing away from old age. Anyways last night I dreamed that he was alive again, that he was given one more day but he couldn't remember what happened & no one would tell him, He tried asking me & I said "im sorry ben" I feel relieved a little now, I was able to say sorry to him in a way. He looked at me & kinda gave me a sarcastic/its okay smile & then turned away. Why do I feel relieved I said sorry?
Why do I feel so terrible for him!? I hardly knew him, We lived together for only a year growing up & that was 10 years ago. I would see him every once in awhile because he was my brothers best friend but we rarely talked to each other. I remember about 4 years ago when my brother was at work he would come over & hang out with me sometimes, we didn't talk much or do much, He just always had this sad look on his face & still up to this day all of his pictures have that look. Whenever he was around I would get kind of fuzzy inside, I liked him but he never knew, No one knew about me! He seemed like he understood me & I understood him but I knew I would never do anything like that, Ever. Maybe its because not many people can make me feel that way? I hardly new him when he was alive but now that he is gone I just want him back. I wish I would have gotten the chance to know him more.
After the funeral I felt like that could of been me or anyone.. He was there one day then gone the next. Its bizarre & I find it hard to believe, to understand but at the same time I understand that it will happen to everyone.