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a few days ago i found out that one of my best friends from elementary school (we kind of parted in middle school but started it again in high school) smokes. So yesterday, i sat her down and told her my worries about her habit. I didn't do the whole "smoking gives you cancer" talk, because i know that will annoy her but i did say how shocked i am to have found out that she was smoking and such. She just didn't seem like the kind of girl who would do that! Anyway, after i was done she gave me this look like i INSULTED her and just told me off! She kept on going how she has a 'right' to smoke and how i'm just being one of those annoying 'health freaks.' She then took a bracelet i bought for her a while ago, threw it at my face, and said that if "i can't deal with it, then i should just leave" and then she walked away. I...im just so shocked and angry and sad..i don't know what to think! I just wanted to tell her that i'm worried! What do i do???? i just lost my best friend!
KatVanHellsing KatVanHellsing 16-17, F 18 Answers Jun 21, 2013 in Community

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It is nice of you to care. The fact is, it is not unknown by your friend that her habit is bad. She knows. Your words of concern are of no use at that point. Just be her friend and she will concern herself with her smoking on her own time.

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first cool down this angry situation say sorry or whatever it takes hmm she suddenly changed right ? seems like something is hurting her :{ you should dig out whats actually going on

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you did the right thing...smoking sucks... tell her again you're just concerned

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WTF first of all her reaction is completely ridiculous, I'm sorry but the fact that she threw the bracelet at you made me laugh. What a childish behaviour!<br />
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I don't think you should care about that. Why do you even feel sad for someone who chooses a cigarette over you? Are you sure she's your friend?<br />
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Just move on, her life, her health, not your problem anymore.

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Sweetie, that wasn't your best friend talking. That was the monkey on her back. Be patient and forgiving. You made it clear how you feel, she made it clear how she feels and the two of you have discovered a boundary. My best advice is to gently, patiently let her know you're still her friend and you said those things because you're worried. And be sure you're willing to let that go for now, and let her know it. Later after re-establishing your friendship you can talk about if but be compassionate and supportive, don't confront.

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Apologize to her.<br />
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Smoking is a political statement for some people.

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It would have probably been better if you had been casual, tactful and just talked about it, which should be easy since you're best friends. When you sit someone down and tell them someone that some part of them is a problem, and you're not ok with it, that seems rude. That's what parents do when they are telling off little kids. Lots of 16 year olds smoke, they want to do it (it's not like it happens on accident), they wont consider it a problem. Ask general questions to get her thoughts, instead of being imposing.

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wow, it sounds like you should worry more about the fact that she seems to have some major issues with bipolar and dont worry near as much about her smoking.<br />
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I smoke and I hear people make comments about my health all the time. Its very sweet of them to worry but even people who dont smoke drive cars that shoot crap out of them that is the equivalent of about 500 cartons of cigarettes within just a few meters...so really should anyone be judging the smokers? No probably not but its an awesome fad right now to target them as if the rest arent driving around in lung murder machines and spraying chemical waste on there hair to make it stay in that very cute way and lord knows that your make up factories and hair coloring companies are dumping chemicals into water that in return is drank by people and causes stomach cancer.....but lets focus on the smokers so we dont pay attention to any of the other stuff that causes major issues with lung cancer.

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smokers drive cars too!
but anyway, that's not my point. i see you were just ranting. let it out! :)

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lol I really am ranting! It was fun though. and yes some do drive cars but my point was that there's a billion different ways that people die so why get hung up on one specific way when were all just wandering around killing each other and our selves in those billions different ways?

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lol I prefer to reject the temptation to be so serious about something that was a joke and say yes to a seance of humor.
The woman chucked a necklace at her and threw a hissy fit because her own friend was concerned about her. I think that warrants a mood swing issue and a bi polar joke to lighten the mood. Cant you see the over reaction on her friends part and how she made her own friend feel like crap for worrying about her health as something that is not exactly right thinking? I do, because good friends don't typically act like jerks like that unless they have some major issues so laugh it off and move on.

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Most people just think nothing of smoking cigaettes until they develop something later, some regret it, some won't.<br />
If your friend won't accept your advice, just move on and leave her be.

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This is what you will do.... MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!!

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well there is this thing called "being friends" which means that if you care...you should kind of get involved in their business to a certain extent. thanks for the unhelpful answer :/

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No... Well I kind of have 2, maybe.

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Here is an even better solution. Be a FRIEND and accept her for who she is, and what she does. Without your judgement or self-righteousness or bias. Hows that. Probably still unhelpful since it's not what you want to hear. Don't worry someone will come along that will agree with your ignorance and you will be happy for it. I say what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. That is all.

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i am not ignorant, thank you.
so i'm apparently not a 'friend' then? after i told her that i was CONCERNED? I didn't tell her to quit or anything..i was worried about the sudden change and i wanted to let her know.

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Nothing

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Nothing, If she didn't listen then, she won't listen now.

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