PLEASE Help me I am married to my husband but i am in love with our friend and cant tell her how I feel?

His a good husband and she is also friend of his to musicaly only though ,I have been married for 14 yrs and now love a women that doesnt know she recently come out about being gay and has been with a lovely girl well they have broken up and is hurting the contact between her and I has become more & more we do so much together and i love this we went out the other day and was great after a few drinks I pulled her to me in front of another gay friend and kissed her NOW normally she would have said something or laughed at me but nothing and contact is even more but she still doesnt realize I am crazy for her she tells me i am cofused ,she asked me to go to a gay bar with her but i cant bring myself to go with other friends because ! she said she will have to keep an eye that i dont wonder trust me I will be next to her in hope that she makes a move to, am i dreaming here or what I need to talk to someone but even my gay friends are cool but i'm scared that it may get to him PLEASE HELP

Posted 8 months ago

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nobodyz

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Talk to your husband, silly. Did you know that most men (though not all) have fantasies about two women together with them? This can be done...but only if your primary relationship (your marriage) is good and solid. If you keep this from him, it is no less "cheating" than going off with another man. And by the way, bisexuality is far more common than people like to think, and is not a bad thing. Many people are drawn to it but resist the draw merely because society at large has not learned to accept that the vast majority of people fall in between the two EXTREMES of heterosexuality and homosexuality.
Your husband, if he is open at all to the idea, may very well tell you he has an attraction to this woman as well. Why not consider a triad (marriage or commitment between three people)?
If that is not what you want, then perhaps talking with your husband will reveal another avenue you can take.

In the meantime, I highly recommend that you do not keep this a secret longer than it will take to figure out the best way to approach the subject (and don't dally around, get to it!). Things like this can ruin marriages otherwise.

If you don't communicate, everything is your interpretation only. You also would benefit greatly from TALKING about your feelings to your female friend. She's gay, after all, it's not like she's likely to slap you. If she is not interested, you may feel bad, but better now than later. The longer you wait to communicate the worse things will get.

Talk to the people you love about how you feel.
None of us knows for certain how long we'll be here.

Posted 8 months ago

Other 10 Answers to PLEASE Help me I am married to my husband but i am in love with our friend and cant tell her how I feel?

Duana	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 4:36PM she tells me i am cofused. I wish I could drill this into your head, because this is TRUE. When I was in my twenties I had feelings for a friend who was a woman. I am in NO WAY a lesbian, but the culture you live in can confuse an innocent person. Just because you have sexual feelings for someone doesn't mean it's love and you are clearly associating your SEXUAL FEELINGS as if they are love. They are NOT love- they are attraction. And you should not throw away a 14 year old faithful and enduring and trusting relationship over feelings. This is not fair to your husband but it is also not a solid decision based on solid evidence or even a wise decision based on faith. I feel bad for the situation you are in. I think the only way you are ever going to get unconfused is to distance yourself from your friend and get back on track. DO figure out what you are missing with your husband, but remember love is about giving not about what you get. And just because a husband isn't able to make you feel fulfilled in the way you think you need to be doesn't mean even one single ounce that he doesn't love you. When someone loves you they don't give up on you- it is not about wether they are perfect or what they can do for you. Your husband has been by your side for 14 years. You didn't mention he was unfaithful or abusive so I am assuming he has loved you. Please think about your decision carefully. Your poor husband. Please get counseling asap and try to get a counselor who has their head on straight and understands what love truly is. Rated: +3Vote for this!
Sweetcitywoman	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 12:14PM I disagree that you should up root your marriage over this. You may be a late bloomer, I think we all experimented as kids, kissing our best friends and such. Maybe if you didn't that's what this is about now. Be honest with him, and yourself. Rated: +2Vote for this!
Shellfinder	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 12:14PM You need to talk to your husband First and Foremost. You need to be honest with him, and both of you figure out what to do. I think you are sexually confused and need some therapy to discover where you are and what you want. If you have children, do it quickly! Rated: +2Vote for this!
workerbee101	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 11:19AM You are cheating on your husband and should get a divorce immediately. It doesn't matter whether or not you have had sex with your friend yet, because you are in love with her and you will have sex with her if she says "yes". After leaving your husband, you should accept the fact you are a Lesbian and embrace your new life. Right now, you are living a lie and subjecting your husband to humiliation. The sooner you end, it the better. Rated: +2Vote for this!
Randy182	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 11:20AM You might disagree but is there something lacking in your marriage that this woman now represents? She may also be right about your being confused. Your obviously Gay accepting and that only makes it that much easier to see something in this woman. If you stay on this path, you will loose your husband and you will find a woman, because that is where your mind is focused at the moment. With every step you take closer to that door, it is that much harder to walk away. Figure out what your missing from your marriage and see if you can fix it. If not . . . you know where it is going. The question is, are you ready to accept what it brings? (Before anyone says a word I am Gay Tolerant. Been around plenty and have several family members who are including my brother. I take my thoughts from them from things in the past.) Rated: +2Vote for this!
wildnatured	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 12:28PM I am not gay. But I have become greatly infatuated with a few women I've known over the years, and I only wanted to be with them...but never sexually, never thought about it or even was curious about trying it with them, it actually revolts me to think of them in that respect....but it doesn't mean I don't love them and wouldn't do anything for them in my power... I think that may be the difference between how someone who is completely heterosexual would act, meaning I would never be able to kiss another woman on the mouth with lust. So IMHO, it does sound like you are probably Bi-sexual, since I'm assuming you had at one time been sexually attracted to your husband. However, I don't know if telling your husband all of this yet is a good idea...if it turns out you are just in a crush over this woman, you may never be able to pick up your relationship with your husband or children without a lot of hard feelings. Keep your head, and don't do anything rash, get some help if you can before you burn your bridges. Rated: +1Vote for this!
DollyDiva	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 12:05PM Communication is key, so tell her how you feel & how does she feel about you, then be honest to your husband and talk to him that you think your marriage is going sour. you two can then possibly try to work it out and go to marriage counseling, and if worse comes to worse, get a divorce & follow your heart ;) Best Luck Rated: +1Vote for this!
edgargeorge	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 11:28AM I agree with your friend. You do sound confused about your feelings. Are you sure you are in love? Is this someone you would sacrifice everything for? Or are you infatuated by the prospect of forbidden fruit? Fourteen years is a huge committment to throw away on a relationship that will only be new and exciting for a few months. It is intensely flattering to be wanted by someone new, but don't let that mess up your judgement or your relationship with a man you describe as a good husband. You need to choose between them, and stick to your decision. Rated: +1Vote for this!
greenali1986	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 11:00AM Is it possible that you are Bi and never realized it? Rated: +1Vote for this!
Bananna	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 6:21PM Don't listen to those who immediately jump to the cheap xxx movie situation and are advising you to tell your husband and have a 3some, that's childish and ridiculous. Talk to her, as hard as it might be you have to discover if she feels the same about you and you have to really look inside yourself and find out if what you feel is true love or just affection. You don't want to let your marriage go to find out that this other person doesn't love you back. Then once you've sorted out your feelings, her feeling and all the possibilities, talk to your husband and let him go. Someone will be hurt but if the end result is your happiness it's all worth it. Rated: +1Vote for this!

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