Talk to an adult friend about the situation, or someone in the helping professions who's required to keep it confidential. Get some pointers.
If I were you I'd talk to your dad, tell him you love them both and care about what happens to the family, take him to task about how he's treating your mother, and ask him straight up what's going on.
The thing at work may just be a flirtation or a "work wife" relationship - they're pretty common and can lead to an affair or at least an "emotional affair" but don't necessarily imply bad intentions on your dad's part. It's pretty easy to slide into that kind of thing without even noticing until it starts getting weird.
Maybe your father slid into it because of poor communication in your parents' relationship, maybe your mom became frigid or emotionally distant and he doesn't understand why and felt driven to seek an outlet for his frustrations - not necessarily an affair but a sympathetic ear or just a friend. Maybe it is an affair, but it's not your job to expose it, and it doesn't have to be a physical thing for them both to feel awkward about how to behave around you - for fear of you "getting the wrong idea". It IS possible, after all for people of opposite sexes to be just friends even if there's an attraction there, but they could still feel secretive about it.
Anyhow, part of my point is that there are no doubt aspects to your parents' history and relationship that you're not aware of, so don't be too quick to rush to judgement or take a side, but also don't stir the pot by getting in between them.
If something's up, don't be complicit in deceit, but maybe use the implied threat of exposure - or his love for you - to force him to seek to resolve things through counseling or what-have-you.
I'm glad. Do follow up on this by talking to your father in a non-confrontational way. This might help: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most - http://amzn.to/X33hQ1
There is way too much speculation going on to tell your mom. Sounds like a lot of drama to introduce without knowing much. What pet name did she use? I have had a girl at my work call me "hun", or "sweetie", and it doesn't mean anything sexual. It is just how she is with everyone. If he was sleeping with someone from work he probably wouldn't have invited you golfing, and if he was sleeping with her, for sure he would have said something to her about you coming and not surprised her
From the way you describe it, you sound like you're pretty convinced already and are just waiting for some hard evidence. Does he spend every night at home? Is he out with "drinking buddies" on the weekend? Can you get ahold of his cell phone in private and scroll through his text messages? Start putting pieces of evidence together and make your own case. When you feel like you have enough, confront him with it. Even if he denies it, he'll still know the gig is up, and sooner or later the truth will come out.
I wouldn't tell your mom.
I would speak to your dad. Just tell him how you felt about what you saw when you were with him on that weekend.
Don't make any accusations or comments just tell him how you feel.
When you are done, tell him that you hope he is doing the right thing by your mom and your family.
I believe that is all you need to do. The other posts are right, your mom probably already knows.
Hope this Helps and good luck.
It looks like you want to do something.
I have always found it best to talk about how you feel in any given situation rather than being judgemental about someone's position or actions. Sometimes in these situations it just takes someone to say "I Know" and that will force the other person to either deny and keep living the lie or to fess up and tell the truth.
In any event if he can't resolve the issue of denies it is occurring then you need to tell your mom.
Don't tell your mom just spy on him for while and get some good evidence.
Tell your dad.. that you think he is cheating on your mom and he better come clean and tell your mom if he is indeed cheating ... or you will tell her if you find out!!
see what he says
My dad cheated on my mom and lied to everyone...
I was 19 at the time. I knew the woman he cheated with... she was kind of a friend of our family. Anyways one day I smelled perfume on my dad and I kept thinking who does this remind me of.. then it hit me! I knew it!
I confronted my dad and told him to man up and stop stringing my mom along.. come clean.
He did.. and they divorced
I was pissed... and I was very sad.. but I just told him I didn't appreciate him treating my mom that way nor lying to me as well! My mom deserved more respect than that.. You can write out your ideas and feeling ahead of time to help get your thoughts in order maybe... practice what you want to say so you go in with a clear idea of the points you want covered. You dont know for sure he is cheating.. so you can tell him you just have this gut feeling and it felt weird on the trip with that other woman and if he is cheating he needs to do what is right and fess up and either work on his marriage or leave. It's only right for your mom and really you deserve honesty as well. Hugs
i think you need to just leave things alone, you can't act on suspicion. and as far as a private detective, will be a waste of money, if he is cheating it will all come out sooner or later. if your wrong it will all fall back on you.
It does sound like your instincts about the girl are right. But sadly, there probably isn't much you can do about it. Adult relationships are complicated..
I think the best thing you could do at this point is just be honest with your dad and express your concerns to him privately. He'll likely deny it and want to make sure that you haven't breathed a word of it to your mom, but don't let him guilt you into anything. Just do what you believe is right. If he's cheating, your mom has a right to know. She may or may not want to leave him but it's her choice to make.
You do have a right as their child to question certain behavior openly and cheating is definitely one of those subjects you shouldn't feel afraid to address. Holding it inside will make you think the worst and that will be mental torture. Best to just get it off your chest in a respectful but serious manner.
Hope it all works out.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know it would be scary to talk to him and I don't envy your position. Take your time and be sure of yourself so that if and when you do work up the courage to address the matter, you'll be better prepared to handle it rationally. Talk it out. Write it out in a journal or online. Say what you feel and keep doing that until you feel comfortable. In the meantime, try not to obsess over it and know that no matter what the outcome, your parents are only human. They're not perfect and sadly, parents can do some very hurtful things, but it doesn't mean they don't love you or that they don't still have love for eachother. Cheating is a selfish act, but having gone through a divorce from a cheating spouse, I can tell you that the truth will hurt.. but it will set you free. Huge hugs.. I'll pray for you guys.
Just because they're nervous around each other doesn't mean he's cheating. Your mom could already know either way and they just don't want to tell you.
If he is cheating, you need to either wait it out or do nothing about it but I seriously doubt he would bring you on a trip where he'd meet up with is secret lover in front of his daughter.
have you asked your mother if that is what she wants?
no, whether she wants proof
but have you asked her if she would want proof?
Just prepare for the worst...there is really nothing you can do if he's cheating. You can tell him how you feel and everything but it's comes down to his choice on how he carries himself as a good husband/father.
That sucks! So how do you know for certain that your dad is actually having an affair with this woman? -How did your dad respond to her?
You could hire a private investigator, but they're expensive. And if you had proof that he's cheating on your mum, what would you do then? If your mum allows him to treat her so badly, then is it possible that she knows about the affair but doesn't have the self esteem to stand up for herself? Why not confront your dad?
Why are you afraid of him getting mad at you? is he violent?
I accidently liked that answer, I meant to click reply.
Anyway, if he doesn't get physically violent with you, then I'd confront him. He can get made and verbally abuse you, but you can do those things back to him. Might make you feel better to let it out?
Awe, that sucks. It looks like he is. Tell your mom what happened & let her take it up with him. That sucks. How painful. :(
No. You won't. Just telling your mom it didn't look right to you, but you don't know for sure, won't cause trouble. It will require him to five an explanation and if there's nothing to hide, he should explain and it will be a dead issue. If not, the he is the one that caused the trouble.
Give, not give. Damned autocorrect!!