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VeritableVagabond VeritableVagabond 18-21, M 14 Answers Jul 4, 2012

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The change won't come quickly. I was painfully shy as a teen/young adult. Shyness is a common side effect of low self esteem. I was rock bottom on the social order. That has changed with maturity, and with life kicking the **** out of me.

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How to break out of the shyness shell in a few easy steps:<br />
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See that person over there...? Yeah, the one that managed to grab your attention. Wow. Wouldn't it be something to have them in your life? Of course, just forget about it and stare back into the drink you are holding, because someone like that...? No way you can approach them. Odds are they will probably laugh you off, or think you are a creep or something. Better to stay right here, and do nothing. Safer. This way, you can retain that lovely warm feeling of "Wow, wouldn't it be something to have them in your life?"<br />
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**BUZZZZ* *WRONG ANSWER*<br />
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See, this approach...? It uses the no-win scenario as its model. So, let's change the paradigm, and see where it goes, shall we...?<br />
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In the above scenario, ask yourself this:<br />
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1. Is this person currently a part of my life...? (Answer is NO)<br />
2. If I do nothing, will this person be a part of my life...? (Answer is NO)<br />
3. If I do something, and they aren't interested, is this person a part of my life....? (Answer is NO)<br />
4. If I do something, and they ARE interested, is this person a part of my life...? (Answer is YES)<br />
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By doing nothing, you gain nothing. By doing something, you gain something (if they are interested, you gain them... if they are not, you gain the freedom to look elsewhere and reserve the fantasy of them for what it is-- a freaking fantasy only).<br />
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The no-win scenario has suddenly become the win-win scenario. Don't be concerned about "rejection". It means they are too wrapped up in their own world to be bothered to expand it to yours. Ask yourself-- do you really want to be someone else's accessory...?

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I CAN TELL YOU FROM EXPERIENCE AND ALMOST A 4 YEAR RECOVERED ALCOHLIC, I STRUGGLED TO BREAK OUT OF THE SHELL AND COVER I DRANK MYSELF INTO FOR 17yrs. AND ONE OF THE THINGS I LEARNED WAS SHYNESS IS A LACK OF SELF ESTEEM I BROUGHT ON BY BEING MYSELF. AND AT THE TIME THATS WHAT I WAS, SHY. AND IF THIS IS YOU, CHANCES ARE ITS BEEN YOU FOR A LONG TIME AND ISN'T GONNA CHANGE OVER NIGHT. TRY DOING OPPISITES. EVEN ITS ONE THING A DAY. SAY NO INSTEAD OF YES WITH SOMEONE. DRIVE WITH YOUR HEADLGHTS ON DURING THE DAY OR WEAR A COAT OUT WHEN ITS SUNNY AND HOT. THE WHOLE POINT IS GETTING MORE COMFORTABLE WITH PUBLIC ATTENTION AND GETTING OVER THE UNCOMFORTABILITY OF CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK. THE LAST TWO SUGGESTIONS DON'T EVEN REQUIRE YOU TO SAY ANYTHING, IF WHAT THEY SEE AND HEAR IS WHAT THE GET, THEY SOONER OR LATER HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO EXCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. YOU SAID YOURSELF "I WANT CHANGE" THATS A GREAT FIRST STEP, NOW YOU JUST GOT TO MAKE IT. I'M NO EXPERT , I JUST KNOW WHAT WORKS FOR ME. GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

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What life do you want? I am the same way. I've lost some friends because of how quiet and shy I am.

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If being yourself isn't working, be someone else. It's a lot easier

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You cannot stop being yourself. You can only change your attitudes

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well i guess the obvious answer is to screw them and go get the life you want! as long as your comfortable with who you are and what your doing, by all means go for it! you dont know unless you try :) people also say "follow your dreams" ALL THE TIME so do it! get involved in a hobby or sport or something that helps you break away from that shyness! thats what i did! i got into Cosplay. if you dont know, its a world wide community with the most adoring, excepting, nicest, and outgoing people you will EVER meet! we replicated costumes of anime, manga, game, and movie characters and then go to conventions and such to meet new people who also do this. i mean i had sewed a tail coat! i never though i would do THAT! woah ranting there :P bottom line, im no where near as shy as i was before i got into cosplaying, not to mention i LOVE my life and actually have something to look forward to when i wake up.<br />
go find what you love and do it! :D

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"If the solution has never been to look in yourself, then how is it do you expect to find it anywhere else?"<br />
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All I can say is improve who you are, do not change who you are. Good luck.

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