My mother can send me into a rage for the rest of the day after one of her trips, or a deep depression. Like you I cannot completely avoid contact, but I do try to severely limit it for the most part. Reminding myself she is a lunatic helps sometimes, but at others it is no use:(
Yes, sometimes she could almost trick me being such a lovely warm person, but there is always that other life sucking side of her. The last time I visited her she ended up leaving the house and wouldn't come back till I had left. It sucks, but I've come to learn what to expect.
Limiting your contact is your best bet. Accept the past but realize your grownup now. You have much more control.
sometimes it takes a while to purge that crap, or get over it. It can hapen. Your family sounds pretty horribly unhealthy. Its not you...
Well... maybe you needed that time to learn not to waste any more time with them and stop letting them drain your life away. You are more important then allowing someone else to hurt you like that... family or no... :)
just see a doctor!