Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device
I have somewhat of aproblem right now with a girl I know, we basically disn't talk much the last couple of years but I contacted her again some weeks ago and we started chatting quite a few times, since the time we started chatting her boyfriend broke up with her, which is not really a suprise because he is a jerk and there have always been people saying he was cheating on her and now the story is he left him for another girl. Don't know if that's actually true because she doesn't wanna talk about her break up. Anyway, so I asked her if she would like to meet sometime, just hang or do something, not a date just as friends because I would really like to be good friends with her but now she wrote me that she can't meet me because she hasn't had contact to any guy in the 4 years they were together and she still loves him. I really don't understand her, it's not like I want her to fall in love with me, I want to be friends and I told her so and yet she doesn't wanna hang out
kg04 kg04 22-25, M 5 Answers May 3 in Dating & Relationships

Your Response

Cancel

Being a good friend includes giving the other person space, even if you don't understand why. Just with the timing of her breakup and you are a male, it would be respectful to not be too forward (don't ask too many questions) and give her the space she needs for a few weeks and then contact her for an update, how is she, etc.

Best Answer

That's what I thought too, maybe she will see that her ex was just a jerk at some point and gets over it. So I give her some time and hope she will think differently in a few days or weeks.

Best Answer

Hopefully she grows and makes healthier decisions in her future.

Best Answer

I hope so too, although I told her that I hope she would get back together with him, which I just said to be nice, I hope she realizes he is no good for her

Best Answer

Awe, you're sweet, but don't tell her things that you don't fully feel in your heart. You are just saying what you think she wants to hear and there is no integrity (sorry) in that...... You want to have integrity. It's where healthy relationship start from.

Best Answer

Well I try to be sweet so she wont be mad at me, but that's really a problem of mine to be nice to people, because I actually want them to like me that badly. Pretty weird but it goes along with my depressions and those feelings of loneliness

Best Answer

Get counseling + get better =get a healthy relationship.

Best Answer

I see a therapist regularly and try being a better person

Best Answer

You are doing great then! I'm proud of you! I think everyone would benefit from counseling. It teaches us so many important skills that we don't learn anywhere else except through life and it costs us a piece of our life to learn it (if we're lucky) so why not learn it thoroughly through counseling. Good for you! Just continue to grow and you will find the right girl for you in the right timing.

Best Answer

Thank you so much, it's nice to read something positive on an otherwise pretty disappointing day

Best Answer
6 More Responses

I wouldn't sweat it, to be honest she sounds like a damn fool. If she said no, accept no. Don't chase this girl. Deep down, you know you want more than a friendship, no point in getting yourself involved with this girl, doesn't seem like it will end well.

Best Answer

dont worry about it then

Best Answer

To be honest, from your desc<x>ription... I think she has been abused. Of course I think more information is very needed to evaluate correctly. Now this form of abuse that I am thinking of is emotional abuse.<br />
This could account to why she seems to act odd to you. So if you wonder why her reaction seems unusual, your instincts are picking up on something.

Best Answer

sorry- I must have typed wrong to get this kind of results.

Best Answer

Yeah I guess that could be somewhat of a factor, like I wrote the guy she had a relationship with was a jerk, he quit school, he doesn't try to get a real job and spends most of his time in the gym. Her parents(who are best friends with my parents) always tell that he just uses her, that he wants her to drive him around to sometimes get stuff for her and I can't get why because before they were together she was a sweet person to be around.

Best Answer

I hope she realizes he is not good for her.

Best Answer

I hope so too but I don't really see it coming because of the way he controlled her for the last 4 years

Best Answer

control- the key word!

Best Answer

Yeah but it's hard if you want the best for a person. She rarely got out of the house and doesn't have many friends because of him. She wrote me that she didn't even have contact to another male, can you believe that?

Best Answer

yes, and now you gave me more evidence. She really needs help- but I suspect she doesnt even know it, I know- cant help someone who doesnt ask for it, but if she and he gets back together again, basically she is moving in the wrong direction. Now it is possible that he DID really leave, but I doubt it. Seems more like he is "teaching" her a lesson. You can hope he is gone, but unless she gets a really good guy, she will attract the same type again. Now I am no fortune teller, but this is how it usually goes- let's hope she does not follow the same path as a classic case.

Best Answer

I don't think he wants to teach her a lesson because rumor has it he already has a new girlfriend he knows from the gym, I just think that she is hopelessly in love with him and because no one is honest to her about him she will never see how bad he is. I'm really struggling with myself if I should actually talk to her about it and be the one guy who is honest to her even though she might hate me for it. What do you think I should do?

Best Answer

well, chances are she will not listen, So the best thing, in my opinion, would be to make SURE she KNOWS you are there for her. If she calls, you will be there. Maybe one day she will realize something, and come to you for help or just to listen to her.
Personally, I think it wouldnt hurt to hint that he is not so good for her, and good riddance- he is doing her a favor for leaving... and encourage her NOT to look back. Make it sorta lighthearted, and maybe it will sink in a tad bit.
If you want to go the tough route, tell her flat out that she is being abused... and to beware of those types... Good luck on this one!

Best Answer

Thank you very much for your advice

Best Answer

This could be more drama than you are prepared to go through. It is not a good way to start a relationship- but warning her might be a good thing for her.
you are welcome... but remember this is only my opinion. And remember to think about yourself and what is good for you.

Best Answer

Well I actually told her today, it was pretty weird and I don't think she actually believes me but she said she wasn't mad at me either. She just doesn't want to see the truth because her ex is already in a new relationship since mid April, that's what his Facebook page says and they broke up the same week.

Best Answer

Well thank goodness. She may not see it as a blessing, but yay- because it was. It broke the cycle. Maybe now, no telling how long from now, she will be able to find information what abuse is, and see some of it, as something she experienced!

Best Answer

So you think I did the right thing? Because I feel weird about it, she confronted him with the cheating thing but he told her he didn't, but what else to expect right? And the fact that he has a new girl not even a week after it should open her eyes because it doesn't mean they met just then, they probably hooked up way before that. After she talked to him he actually wrote me and threatened me which I thought was amousing and just another sign of how bad a person he is.

Best Answer

oh yes, that shows he IS that type. Problem is, if she is telling him things, and he is reacting, then chances are they will be back together. Shudders**
Well there is not much you can do, if she shuts you out. You said your part, and seems that may be all you can do.

Best Answer

You may be right, I can't do much more even though I wish there is something I could do. I really don't want them getting back together, no one who knows her wants that, not me, not her friends especially not her parents, everybody hates that guy for how he treats her. Do you think it will actually happen? I mean she just confronted him with the things I told her.

Best Answer

well especially if his new girl is not easily acceptable to abuse and control. I am sure it is not happening yet- it usually is slow to show, then becomes a daily thing. I am sure they are in what is called a honeymoon period. So your friend accepts it from him, and I am sure he feels comfortable with her. So it is a matter of time, if he so chooses to be back with her and she says yes, at least- so it seems from what I have read.

Best Answer

That would be the worst thing ever, if they get back together she will never get rid of him, I feel like this is the only chance she has for that, otherwise she will live a miserable life with a guy who isn't qualified for a decent job and spends all his money on partys and the gym.

Best Answer

well if he drops the other girl, and she keeps after him, he may go for easy access, which I think is doomsday for her. Hopefully he will go away and stay there

Best Answer

But he is not the kind of guy who will say no if a girl lets him have whatever he wants so he would probably take her back until zhe next one comes by and I just don't want that to happen, isn't there anything I could do to make her realize she should stay away from him?

Best Answer

There is a book called : Men Who Hate Women, and Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward, Ph.D.
IF she likes to read, this is the book that would open her eyes. This book will tell her things that she will recognize. If this does not open her eyes, then she is determined, and there is nothing you can do about it. I am sorry.

Best Answer

I guess anything is worth a try at this point, the most importent thing is to open her eyes and make her realize he is just no good. It's just so sad seeing that this is her first relationship and she ended up getting a guy like that

Best Answer

So I ordered that book now and I read a lot about Misogynists on the Internet the last couple of hours and that may be exactly what this guy is. Now I really need to read that book and than find a way to make her realize that he is like that.

Best Answer
20 More Responses

Related Questions