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I am qualified with experienced but still not able to find job for past 4 months.My family was partially dependent on me as I was earning more than my dad.They use to take my whole salary.But now I am unemployed they torture me a lot.Yes they are my real parents. I have bad past of broken engagement(In india its a big deal a social shame).My bf of 2 yrs wants to marry me but my mother is afraid that dad will not agree so she is not agreeing on it.There is no problem form my bfs family but they want my parents to be present at marriage with their approval for marriage. Even if I elope they wont accept me.After marriage I have to live in joint family as bf is very attached to his family. I cant live without my bf.We both love each other.Please help.
Wintheworld Wintheworld 26-30, F 4 Answers Mar 12 in Dating & Relationships

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Thank you for the reminding us of how lucky we are to live in the American culture where we're not controlled by our fcuking parents if we choose not to be once we turn 18!

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I asked for solution .Please don't abuse anyone(parents)

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You want a solution? Stop letting your parents control your life!

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I'm sure that there are many parents in America who'd LOVE the opportunity to micromanage their children's lives in any way possible. Everyone likes to have control in every possible situation in life. But in America we have thankfully outgrown the custom of looking at wives and children as property. And in America we also value the rights of individuals, including our own children. I don't have the wisdom to know what type of person my children would be happy with. Only they can know that. Also in our culture we place a high value on romantic love and the experience of falling in love. It sounds like your culture places a higher value on making sure that the parents of the bride receive the best possible dowry. And then you still have a caste system, so I guess that must play into the equation. Like I said before, I'm sure glad I can pick my own romantic partner without the approval of my parents. My parents are extremely religious. I'm not, so it would have been a huge problem for me. I talked to a taxi cab driver once who told me that he was fine with arranged marriages in India. Good for him, but I know that I'd prefer to pick out my own wife, even if it means I pick the wrong one.

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You are really bringing unwanted issues. There is no problem of dowry etc in my case.If you have read my post clearly then you must have read about my broken engagement.My parents don't want me to commit same mistake again thats it. They want my good and hence worried.So dont speak ill about parents in India.Moreover you are jumping into conclusions without analysing the issue.I am sure you know nothing about Indian culture.Never compare the cultures and learn to respect the others culture of every country like you do yours........

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You said this: "They use[d] to take my whole salary." Please explain why that is okay in YOUR wonderful East Indian culture.

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Just because I give whole salary doesnt mean I cant fulfill all my wishes. I do use that money for my things too. You need an explanation right....then listen its because they dont me to become spendthrift and understand the value of money...so they keep the money with them and give me the same as and when required . And yes we have a wonderful culture.

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Well said dear.

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4 More Responses

Get a job first and then marry.

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sounds complicated

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