Resolved Question

There are probably four major areas of within a close relationship, especially in marriage. Untold numbers of books have specialized in addressing each one of them separately. They are sex, the lack of or demand for it. Financial managment and how money is or is not spent and who decides. The division of labor within the house or living space meaning routine things like dishwashing, lawn maintenance ect. both within and outside the house. Whether to have or not have children and how they are reared and finally what to do and say when diametrically opposed to one another.

Being friends prior to the commitment certainly helps, however it doesn't satisfy the aforementioned resolutions of conflict. No partner is perfect and I truly believe that if you agree on the rules of engagement when real confrontation occurs, then there is a stronger chance of success in a long term agreement.

Being lovers within the marriage bond, on the other hand, is based within a complicated set of parameters formulated on trust, mutual respect and admiraton which can be damaged over time through carelessness, inattentiveness and complacency by one or both of the partners.

I have heard differing arguments that man was not biologically wired to be with one partner in order to diversify the species and protect against disease. On the other hand, spiritually, monagamy is beneficial and in most societies accepted. There are also various degrees of marriage dependant upon their comfort level and agreeableness.

Again, no one is perfect. There are only areas of compatibility and individuality in the relationship. You are still the same person when you entered to relationship, but now you must negotiate with the other person in order to make decisions versus when you were alone.

If there is one thing that I have learned within eight years of marriage, it is to be quick to listen and slow to answer for much of what you find fault with in the other person is in reality a more accurate reflection of yourself.