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I ask because I have disagreement with a friend about this. Friend thinks he should be grounded from tv, games, friends for a week. My way: he's suspended from school for 2 days, he's losing his fireman chit which allows him to do stuff related to fire with boy scouts, is being talked to by his gpa which is fireman about fire safety and being talked to by different gpa about what it was like to lose his little sister to fire and I'm showing him pics of fire victims and a house lost to fire. But friend thinks this isn't good enough cuz he isn't grounded as well.
kzoodiana kzoodiana 36-40, F 17 Answers Dec 16, 2011

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3 swats of the Paddle,hug him,tell him why he got it,tell him the danger of lighters and most important show him LOVE!

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Catch him on fire...<br />
Better yet..find out why he had the lighters..if he's smoking cigarettes break his little fingers.<br />
If he's smoking pot..tell him to hand it over and give me the name of his dealer. ;)<br />
If it's crack or meth..shoot him.

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I think it really depends on what kind of 11yr old he is. Some only need a talking to. Some need punishment. You know your child best. Personally, I think I would try it your way first. 11 yr olds are not stupid. By now I'm sure he's seen the seriousness of what he's done. And grandpas carry a lot of cred with kids. Plus, you don't want to be too harsh if this is a first offence. He may have only thought it was cool to carry one around, a mark of impending adulthood, without thought of the possible consequences. When in doubt, the best way is always the kind way. You sound like a great mom and like your son has a lot of positive family reinforcement. I wouldn't sweat it too much.

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Who give's a ****? I bring weed and a lighter to school everyday..

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It already sounds to me like there's been too much punishment. "Look at all the fire victims and the burned house!!! Gruesome death awaits you from any and all sources of fire!!!" Seems like a huge overreaction to having a lighter or two. I grew up helping in my parent's flower shop and I got expelled from my first Jr. High because I had a box cutter in my backpack. My parents just rolled their eyes, bitched out the principal for half an hour, and got me in a different school. Just get him to honestly tell you what he was planning on doing with them, and be prepared for, "Nothing really," to be an honest response. He's an 11 year old boy, after all.

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My thought is.. give the kid an asswhipping of a lifetime.. THEN ground him

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At 11 you do what you think makes you look cool. You care a lot of what other people think of you. Does he hang around any questionable kids, or maybe older kids with a probability of imposing an unintentional negetive impact on him? Or maybe his close friend was brought up in a rough environment. If he has an interest in fire let him have an interest all boys do at some stage. On holidays have him help light fireworks, onces he's been properly taught to use a lighter, or a match, also maybe go on a camping trip and have him help dad or you to set up the campfire, just have him educated of when and where it is appropriate to use fire, and it's not for playing. Make sure he's well aware of the fact that if he's caught playing with fires, he will not be able to help with the supervised fire ba<x>sed activity. My mom did this similar thing to my little brother last year, seemed to have worked

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11 is almost old enough. Sounds like a teachable moment to me.<br />
Ask him to convince you that he's smart enough and responsible enough to be trusted with the things. If he fails, give him some feedback and have him try again in a couple of weeks. Don't let up until understands everything there is to know about fire safety. Basically, you want to make sure he doesn't burn your home down, maim himself, or cause property damage.<br />
Then you either treat it as a lapse in judgement or as a rule violation, if there was a specific rule that got broken.

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I feel that he should be educated by the things you mentioned, but, I also think some kind of punishment is necessary or he will think that he can get by with things he knows better than do with just getting "talked" to. is that the impression you want him to have ? It's important that he understands that when he gets unto trouble there is serious consequences, grounding him for a week now from the things your friend suggested will save both you, and him a lot of problems down the road. But.if you ground him and don't follow through that will make it even worse. I have raised three kids, so I have already been here...It is your choice, but choose wisely, or one day you will wish you could turn back time...

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I don't know. You could maybe look of some videos on YouTube of the aftermath of fires (maybe even people with burns and such... but not too horrifying)... maybe it will scare him a little in a healthy sort of way.<br />
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Just a thought, that's probably what I would do.

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Take him to the burn ward and show im some burn victoms.

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didn't you say that about cancer too?

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Was not me. But that's not a bad idea.

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o cmmn..<br />
jst tell him.. <br />
<br />
nt to..<br />
he is jst 11 , he wil mark ur wrd

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I think finding out where and why he had the lighter is key you say I have no idea where he got them? well didnt you ask him? and what did he say about why ? to light a trash can on fire,smoke something? why are those major points in your writing,when my stepson did something first thing was why did you do it? and hed say I dont know,so Id say sit on your bed and think about it when you remember you can come and tell me,until then you are to do nothing,memory restored

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Says he found them at home and was trying to keep them from his older brother (not buying it for a second). He says he had no intention of using them yet he was lighting them on the school bus. He's definitely making some bad choices and so far the greatest impact has been his scoutmaster talking to him.

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The first thing I would want to know is whether he did anything with the lighter. Was he just carrying it in his pocket or had he set something alight? There's no point overreacting here.

With due respect I think your proposed course of action draws out excessively what may be a storm in a tea cup. Talk for sure and understand what he was trying to achieve.

As someone else has said, you know your son best. He may generally be a good lad, or he may be a mischief maker. If the latter, don't waste time. Tan his backside and let him know a different kind of fire. Give him space to settle, then go to him and talk, let him know you love and care.

Good for you to ask advice...there's no rule book on this stuff.

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Get a lexan paddle, and make his butt feel like a raging wild fire.

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5 swats with a paddle or belt, and 1-2 wks of grounding

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